Husband problems?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 5 years and Married 1. We have always gotten a long until we go married. We seem to fight a lot and want different things. I want to have kids and start a family and he wants to go out a drink and come home at all hours of the night. I feel like I come last on his list. The relationship seems like it is based on everything that he wants. I have tried talking to him about this but he just yells and tries to throw everything back on me. is marriage really this hard? I thought we should be happy and spend a lot of time togehter. Is there anyone who is going through this? How did you handle it?

Answer 1

It is extremely hard. Marriage is so hard especially in the beginning becuase you are struggling to deal with the fact that you are committed for life, not that that is a bad thing. You have your whole life to be happy and be with eachother. Instead of looking at your first year of marriage as a long time to struggle start looking at is as the beginning becuase thats exactly what it is, the beginning. People who are together for 50 years don't just get that way by luck, they get their through tears and heartaches and hurdles that you and everyother couple has to overcome. Enjoy your time with him, get to know what makes him tick and vise versa. Communication is a 2-way street. Maybe he is starting to feel pressure and for you to be able to get him to respond kind of let him come to you. Not saying let him do whatever he wants because you ARE married. There are boundaries and areas that both of you must learn not to overstep and if this really bothers you let him know how you REALLY feel no sugar-coating. Its hard, I am gonig throguh it and I have been married for 3 years. TOgether for 4. The first year of marriage is BY FAR the hardest. It starts to get a little easier the third year. Remeber its not at all to long to suffer becuase you have your WHOLE life to figure eachother out and be happy. Don't give up.

Answer 2

You are right, you should be happy and want to spend a lot of time together. You're only married a year, this should be the happiest time in your relationship.

You should never be made to feel like you are last on his list or have things thrown back in your face when it is clearly his fault.

Marriage is NOT really this hard. It shouldn't be. HE needs to learn how to communicate with you effectively or else this relationship will NOT work out in the long run. Maybe you need a marriage counselor to help him learn how to tell you what he is thinking without screaming at you.

...and PLEASE do NOT have children with this man until everything is straightened out. If things don't change between you two, then you'll be left a single mother.

Answer 3

The first year is the hardest. Although it is interesting to me that this happened in the 5th year of your relationship. It sounds like the two of you need to get together in a quiet moment, when neither of you is upset, and have a good conversation about what the other expects from marriage and from each other. Do this with mutual respect and see what your mate expects from you. It will be time well spent.

Answer 4

I did this the first year of my marriage. It was hard to give up my freedom. But after the first child came, I settled down and quit partying. However, that's no guarantee he will. You should sit down and discuss this at a time when there is no anger. And take some courses on how to communicate... both of you on how to "fight fair" as Dr. Phil says.

Answer 5

ask ur self one thing how has ow er relationship changed since being married. if u think it has really changed then ask why,i think u shud of asked all the questions before getting married u guys lived together

Answer 6

Yes, went through it from the Male side. Fixed it real good. Got divorced. Best thing I ever did.