Other women flirt with my husband, but he does stop them. This leads them on, right?

Question

Not to brag, but my husband is very good looking. In not...lol. Other women are constantly flirting with him, even right in front of me. Most of the time is women he doesnt know, because it will happen out in public.

My neighbor has a 2 year old son that we babysit sometimes. This morning when she dropped him off, my husband answered the door and she thought i was asleep. She said to my husband, 'Oohhhh daddy, arent we dressed up nice?" She said it in a flirting voice. But then in a plain voice she said, "Wheres your wife? Asleep?" All my husband said was , "No, she getting dressed."

This reaaly hurts my feelings. He says that he doesnt flirt back, which IS true, he DOESNT flirt back. However, he doesnt stop the other women from flirting with him, or he never says , "Sorry, i'm married." Wouldn't that lead them on if he lets them flirt with him? I know if i was single and flirted with a guy, and they didnt stop it, i would take it as a sign that they like me! I

I have told my husband how this makes me feel, but he just doesnt understand. He doesnt think he is doign anythign wrong by letting them flirt with him. I'm just afraid that one day it might go to far. And i havent talked to any of the other women about how i feel, because i thik is shoulb he HIS responsibility to make them stop the flirting with him.

I didnt say this earlier, but i think it would be best know since no one is getting my point of view.... he HAS cheated on me before with 2 other women. So, whe other women flirt, i get scared!

Answer 1

well you've answered your own question really; he cheated and you dont trust him to say no.
You chose to forgive him and stay (obviously) so you're going to have to get over those feelings. You cant stay with him and then hold it over his head the rest of your life, you wouldnt be happy and neither would he. If you havent already gone to couples counseling I would do that. Staying in a marriage with someone who has committed adultery numerous times shows the depth of your insecurity and lack of self confidence. You dont have to deal with it, but you are choosing to. And since you are choosing that, make him go with you to the therapy and work through it.
Regardless if he had cheated or not, the flirting is an issue. People can say that 'married not dead' bullsh|t all they want to but its disrespectful and unnecessary. Talking is one thing, coming onto to someone expressing sexual interest is another.
Given his prior track record though, he should be more sensitive and mindful of these situations and rectify them as soon as they arise. Him not doing so is signaling to you (and others) that he hasnt learned from his ways and isnt really sorry about it. He's not trying to ease your mind or remove the behaviors that could escalate into another affair. He did screw up and should be kissing your feet and trying to make you feel better any chance he gets.
Give the counseling a try, if it doesnt get any better after that then you will again have to decide if youre willing to put up with him and his groupies for the rest of your marriage.

Answer 2

Okay, you need to take a step back and look at what a rare situation you have. He doesn't flirt back. You can't stop a woman from flirting your husband. If they're determined to make an idiot of themselves and moon over him what he says to them is just fine. As long as he doesn't flirt back, he's cutting them off. Do the same women keep flitring with him? You said strangers right?

If youre husband answers the question, or better yet doesn't answer their questions and completely ignores them, he's doing all he can politely and without causing a scene to stop them from flirting.

That answer to her was the best answer he could have given. SHort and to the point, with a clear message, "No she's getting dressed," meant, "No, i'm not interested. Stop." He is most definately NOT leading them on.

Okay. the key word in your last statement, is "single" and you're a woman. Respectable married men take flirting differently. If they ignore it, or don't say anything, and don't encourage it, they're not leading anyone on. They're just doing just that, ignoring it. Do the women usually stop, or keep going? Or is it a different woman everytime?

Try not to be so hard on your husband. I don't think he's leading anyone on. If he doesn't flirt back, he's not trying to do anything underhanded. It may be his way of telling other women to stop and he's expecting them to know better and back off. If they continue to the point where it's ridiculous and he still does nothing, at least he's doing nothing, instead of doing something bad.

Talk to him...gently about it, if the latter is true. Just ask him, if it would be ok if he just said, "Listen, I'm married." For you, to make you feel better, ask him to just do that one little thing. Tell him you believe him (and mean it), that he isn't doing anything wrong, just to make you feel better. If he loves you i'm sure he'll give it a try.

Good luck!

Answer 3

I had the same problem with my husband. The way I see it, he's not flirting back, so most women should see that as him being uninterested. A lot of people flirt without it meaning anything. He's not leading them on, by flirting back. And the maybe the reason he doesn't stop them is because it's an ego boost for him. And him saying, "Sorry, I'm married," isn't going to do much when the girls (like your neighbor) already know.

Answer 4

You're being way to "adult" about this when clearly she is not, and neither is your husband for that matter, particularly if he is responding to her messages when you are not around. Let's face it, it can be quite flattering to the ego when some "sweet young thing" is being flirtatious and when the ego rules, anything can happen. What would your husband do if the situation were reversed? I bet he wouldn't be sitting idly by while some "sweet young man" was doing the same thing to you! He would confront him wouldn't he and tell him in no uncertain terms to back off? Sometimes, escalating the problem is necessary for some people to get the message. I would wait until he gets another txt, take the phone and storm her home. In front of everyone I would confront her and tell her in no uncertain terms that her behavior is unacceptable and you won't put up with it any longer. Tell her she either gets her act together or you and your husband will not be attending future family gatherings while she is present. When she claims innocence, show her the phone and tell her that texting your husband is not innocent and it won't be tolerated. Then walk out with your head held high! Yes, it will be awkward around the family for a little while after this but deep down, I bet they (and your husband) will respect you for standing up for yourself and protecting your marriage. It shows everyone that you think your marriage is worth fighting for.

Answer 5

I don't think it's wrong for him to be flattered, and that's all it is. Everyone is flattered when people find them attractive. When men flirt with you, don't you feel good about yourself and feel like smiling? I know you say you're not that good looking, but you probably aren't as bad as you think, especially in your husband's eyes. You know that it doesn't go beyond him being flattered by how he doesnt' flirt back. It's not like he tries to act like you don't exist when those women are around, he always acknowledges that you are there, which is important. That is how men subtly tell women that they are off-limits without being in their faces with "I'm married, stop" every time they get a compliment. Now, if you are somewhere and he leaves you to go talk to some woman that was flirting with him, that would be different (not cheating, but hurtful).

Answer 6

Ok, so he has cheated twice... and you took him back...

so what were your expectations of him when you took him back? it sounds like you may have both just agreed to work things out and you didn't demand that he makes sure to stop the flirting.

you should be more demanding. It isn't appropriate to flirt in any case, but the fact that he has cheated on you twice and still allows the flirtings to continue shows that he looooves the attention. Oh, believe me, he KNOWS he is good looking and he KNOWS how much the women are flirting with him. He KNOWS by not saying anything like "I am married" he is leading them on. If women are trying to flirt then he should not be giving them eye contact...

now that the nieghboor has done what she has done, which is CLEARLY flirting with your husband, you should DEMAND that you have nothing to do with her anymore. He should respect you enough to honor those wishes. Why does this woman DESERVE your friendship? She doesn't. You shouldn't help a woman out who is doing something like this.

you need to stand up for yourself more.

Answer 7

OK.....my husband is also a great looking man.....EVERYBODY flirts with him. I am glad he is having fun in life. He doesn't flirt back, he has a great since of hum our and makes fun of it. When my friends play/flirt with him he makes them laugh. I am certain that when he goes to work that he gets hit on plenty, he works in a hospital. My point to you is that if a man has morals, is married to you and you have a solid relationship that there shouldn't be anything to worry about. I know that when a man flirts with me, I make fun. I Don't flirt back and that my husband has nothing to worry about. You say that you aren't good looking? I think probably that you are, do what you can to accent the good, fix yourself up, go to a salon, get the "treatment" makeup, hair, etc, go shopping for really flattering clothes, most any one who tries can be beautiful on the exterior as well as the interior. You will feel better. If money is an issue, find a special at the salon and splurge and thrift shops in upscale neighborhoods have some great clothes. Good luck....don't worry.

Answer 8

What is the man supposed to do, act like a little boy? He cannot control what these women do. He can only control himself. Even if he says he's married, women will flirt with him. It didn't stop your neighbor, and she KNOWS he's married! Women are going to make their comments, whether he's married or not. Most of this is harmless flirting. You take it to another level, when you throw it in your husband's face, as if he's responsible for it.

Your feelings are too easily hurt and it's going to effect your marriage, if you don't stop pressuring this man. You knew he was attractive when you married him. He's very good looking--remember? You said it yourself. Now, you need to trust his judgement and let him handle this. Your husband sounds like he's handling it just fine. When your neighbor flirted with him, he ignored her careless comment and simply said his wife was getting dressed. He's a man, not your child; so stop pressuring him!

Answer 9

Unfortunately what I'm hearing is your insecurities about your looks vs. your husband's. This is really about you, not him. If he's truly a good looking man, he's used to women flirting with him, it's probably been a part of his whole teen and adult life. But the thing to remember - and I know it's hard - is that out of all those women he could have, he chose YOU. Even if you think you are not attractive, HE does and that should make you feel fantastic! If he wasn't attracted to your outward appearance, then something inside shined through and he was attracted to that. Don't nag your husband about this- I'm not sure how long you've been married but again, it seems like you have to work on your self esteem. True, he could shoot down their advances and shout to the world "I'm married" but he probably doesn't feel the need to. And he probably does enjoy the attention to a point, but still, he married you. If he wanted those other women he wouldn't have married you. If this continues to bother you, try fixing yourself up, if you need more hair, buy some, if it's make up, get some. Need a boob job, get it. Seriously, I feel like a little extra help in the beauty department, when needed, never hurts anyone. Good luck.

Answer 10

Wifey, let me see if I can get you to see it through his eyes. Now, we're going to turn this around and saying it you getting alot of flirts from the guys that see you. A guy saying this to you....oh my, I know it will be a lovely day, heaven open up its doors and send an angel my way. Another guy would said this; I have seen the beauty in a sunrise and sunset, until I saw you there is nothing like the best. Now, I will take the chance that you like these compliments. Since you get these kind of flirt most of the time, its normal for you and you have no interest to response to them. but what if your husband heard these wouldn't he want to fight back? Would the thought of insecure enter your mind? Remember this wifey, guys enjoys compliment too! As long he didn't start it or act interest in the ladies. There is no need to be upset, for you is time to get back flirting with your husband.