Is "thanking your Excellency" the right phrase to be used here? Any errors in the sentence?

Question

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Excellency,

In regard with the 15th ATO Ministers on Energy Meeting that will be held on September 13rd, 2007 in London, the Aborigin Minister of Energy, who will participate in the event, has been requested to update the Ministers on the recent activities of the IGD.

The main theme of the event will be “xxxx”.

Therefore, we would like to humbly ask the Excellency and Secretariat’s assistance to prepare a paper about the requested topic.

*Thanking Your Excellency and the Secretariat in advance*

Please accept, Excellency, the assurances of our highest consideration and respect.

Answer 1

The letter has many mistakes.
Firstly, you do not tell us the correct title of the person you are calling "excellency". Normally, the only people who are entitled to be addressed as "Your Excellency" are Ambassadors and High Commissioners.

The rest of the letter should be worded as follows:

Re: 15th ATO Ministers of Energy Meeting.

The meeting will be held in London on 13th September, 2007. The Aboriginal Minister of Energy has been invited to update Ministers on recent activities of the IGD.

The main theme of this year's meeting will be "xxx". We would be most grateful for your assistance in preparing a paper on this topic.

I wish to assure you of my utmost respect and thank you in advance.

Yours faithfully,

There is no need to include the Secretariat in this letter, as it is not addressed to the Secretariat. If you wish to include the Secretariat, you should write a separate letter to the Secretariat. It would not be correct etiquette to address a letter like this to both parties.

Answer 2

Aborigin? Aboriginal or Aborigine. If u are asking the minister, u don't need to mention the secretariat. He will ask them.Also, (with respect) it's a bit over the top. "We would like to ask the Minister (or your Excellency) to provide a paper on the stated topic."Leave out the next sentence. hope this helps.