Is my wife cheating me? What do I do about it?

Question

My wife and my sister's husband flirt a lot and some times they are too close from each other. I've endured this for some years, but this time my wife seems to be going to far with the way she expresses her feelings about him.

My kids got her an e-mail address and I decided to do the craziest thing ever I impersonated the guy with an e-mail addres and started to send e-mails to her with friendship stuff, then love poems and a lot of cheese stuff and she fell for all of that.

When I finally told her I was in love with her, she first said was confused and fearful. Then she wrote that she was thinking of me all day, at work,etc that she wanted to see me (him)

I couldn't believe she said how happy she was the night the family met and she was able to see me again and wanted to hold me but many eyes were watching so she had to hold me in her mind.

I think she likes him and wants him, I think she has at least in her heart cheated on me.

What do I do friends?

Antes adoraba esta canción. Ahora la oigo y la odio y lloro de rabia y desilusión por que han sido 22 anhos tirados a la basura.

Es verdad la he descuidado mucho, aquel es el modelo de virtudes: Hacendoso, cocina, tiene gracia para hablar y es muy sincero. Por su puesto que ella siempre ha sentido algo por el y ya lo pude comprobar.

Tan facil que pudo haber sido decirle: lo siento, pero yo soy casada, amo a mi esposo y a mis hijos, gracias por tus sentimientos pero sigamos asi como amigos, ademas eres esposo de su hermana, no puedo corresponderte.

En lugar de esto, le dijo que deseaba estar a solas para poder abrazarlo...:(

Answer 1

Well i dont think that's exactly cheating because she didnt actually do anything. But i think this is worst because instead of just physical attraction, there's emotional attraction. You shouldve never done this! Because maybe before you emailed, she just thought he was attractive, but knowing that he likes her sparked a feeling in her too! I think you should tell her [pretending to be him] that you dont think its a good idea because you're both married and its just not a good idea. But i think you need to talk to her because she already likes him. THis is already a very bad thing for ur relationship because its hurting you mostly!!!! So talk to her! Dont lose hope just because she likes this guy! But you need to keep them apart!! for ur relationship's sake! if worst comes to worst, you guys can go to couples counseling! good luck!

Answer 2

Well, you sure did get yourself into a pickle!!! It will be hard for you to come up on top in this one. As I see it, here are your options.

1. You confront her and tell her it was you sending all the emails. Her response will most likely be extreme embarrassment and a feeling of betrayal. You may not be able to recover from the damage that may be caused by this.

2. Send one final email stating how you feel too guilty to continue this way. That you (as the guy of course) love your wife and respect her husband too much to let this go any further. That you can always be friends, but that this should be put in the past and never spoken of. This may be the best advice I have.

3. If you still love her, you can try and rekindle the flame and have her pull back from her new interest since she is getting the romance from home.

4. You can confront him and talk man to man about how you feel. Of course, if you and he are true men, the conversation is bound to either turn into a conversation about football, or end in a fight. Both of which could be entertaining.

Whatever you do, think it over first. If you love your wife, just remember that she didn't cheat on you. She is allowed to have fantasies. She didn't act on hers, you acted on hers. Now it may be more than just a minor crush. Do something to manage the problem before it goes to far.

Answer 3

Cogratulation for stepping up to find out the truth of something that has been bothering you. Either longing for or about to, did or never did are all acts of cheating proving that she doesn't value you as a respectable husband to her. The steps you took was right instead being told by someone else about it. Discuss the detailed emails to your sister first. Set up a party of four and while as you are celebrating let they sit together side by side and ask them, cofront them and demand answers from them on what is going on between them. Show them the emails. Let them explain on how they feel about each other and whatever the outcome, you will be able to make a wise decision, to warn, forgive, move on with or without her. Remeber you sister would give you much support to have enlightened her about her husband.

Answer 4

This is gonna end up in the "Can This Marriage be Saved" column of Ladies' Home Journal! You need to come clean with what you did, man, and then both of ya see a marriage couselor! If you don't trust her, that's a major problem; if she fell for all that mushy email stuff and she was flirting with your brother-in-law from the beginning, then she is missing something in the marriage (which obviously fuels your mistrust). First off, you both need a good dose of honesty, and second, you both need prefessional help to deal with loyalty.

Answer 5

Man, if she hasn't cheated yet...... She is definitely thinking about it. You can't really just leave her because you are married so you need proof. Find a way to get it, or try to make her notice and fall back in love with you. Start doing things that made her be attracted to you when you met. Buy flowers, nice romantic dinner, weekend getaway at a 5 star hotel, cruise, massage.... You know how to work it. If you don't start something soon, you might loose her.

Answer 6

You need to sit her down and tell her what you know, and try to find out why she is not happy in your marriage. Try to look at it as an opportunity to possibly fix the problems in your marriage. It sounds to me like she might only be thinking of having a relationship with this man (although the comment she made about wanting to hold him seriously does sound bad), MAYBE it hasn't gone to far yet. But it is impossible to know without asking her. Ask her to tell you everything that is going on and be honest. Then try to determine if your marriage is worth saving, and if it can be saved.

Answer 7

Buddy i feel sorry for you and Wish you courage and hope. Still going by your description, one thing is for sure, she was not having an affair with him till the time you impersonated the guy. Maybe even now she has fallen for him because of what you said to her on the emails.(why didn't YOU say all that you say in the emails to her yourself) Seems to me she is not getting proper attention from you. Maybe you are too hounded by the fear that she's falling for your sister's husband that you have stopped paying her the attention that she deserves.

Answer 8

I think you cheated her terribly by playing this horrible game. Did you want your wife to be hurt when you told her that you loved her pretending to be the other guy? She told you plainly that she was confused and fearful. Emotions are really not something to play with and you need to have more respect for your wife. I feel that you have been very dishonest with her and I really don't know how you will rectify this situation. You have not only hurt your wife and this man, you have probably hurt your children and definetly your marriage. If one does not have honesty in a relationship then they really have nothing and you have probably destroyed that. I feel sorry for your wife, children and you.!

Answer 9

You guys need counseling and FAST. She may not have cheated YET but the fact that she's even allowing herself to give in to those emotions shows she's not as happy as she could be in the marriage. Also, you obviously have some trust issues as well since you did this secret tactic. I think you guys need to talk and figure out why she would even have those kind of feelings.

Answer 10

Not sure I understand. You thought something was going on so you impersonated your brother in law and said all kinds of nice and loving things to her. Now, do you say the same things to your wife. Your wife should not have jumped at the bait, but sounds like she hadn't gone after the brother in law, but actually you impersonating the brother in law. So, who is she in love with. Sounds like she liked what you sent to her. Maybe if you had sent it as you, you would be reaping the long loving looks.