What's reasonable to expect out of a wife that doesnt work outside of the house?

Question

I come home every day, the house is a mess. She homeschools one of our children during the schoolyear for six hours a day, so I do all the laundry to help out, including our two children's, plus all the yard & house maintenance. She complains about having to cook meals, so 75% of the time, she pulls frozen food out of the refrig and throws it into the microwave. The children dont do their chores during the day, I have to nag them when I get home. Its summer, so now she doesnt work in or out of the house, and its still the same routine. She wanted me to pay for a housekeeper, because she says she's tired after 6 hrs of homeschooling. I said it wasnt important enough for me to pay for it, let the mess be. I work 10 hours a day, I come home and work some more to help out. Sometimes, she's napping when I get home. Is it expecting too much to ask her to at least fix me a nice meal and keep the kitchen stocked with decent food?

Answer 1

What the other person who posted, "Stop homeschooling", that is not the problem. The house is out of order and the children need guidance and house rules. There needs to be a schedule for the kids if they are of age to read. Even though it is summer, they should still be in bed at a decent time. If they are of age to which they can do some chores, then they should be able to at least clean the living room, pick up toys, fold their own clothes, load the dishwasher etc.... Your wife needs to include them with fixing dinner by setting the table and helping out by even throwing out the trash.

If you go by a schedule, things will be in order, but don't expect it to be perfect all the time. She wanted kids and a husband, so she needs to do the cooking to make you and the kids happy and fed. She chose that line of work. Talk to your wife about planning a food menu each week. It sure helps to know what you will be having for dinner, plus get the kids involved to what they want for dinner. A good healthy dinner is always best!

Note: If the kids do chores, give them a treat for the week. If not, take something away that they like to play with. You have to mean business when it comes to doing work around the house. If the kids don't listen to your wife, then that's when you step in and handle it. Get them together and set some ground rules of the home. And stick to them!!

I think 6 hours a day for homeshooling is a long time. There should be breaks in between. Especially if the kids are younger, they can't sit still that long.

I homeshool my two sons and things do get done because I mean business and stick to it. I don't want to be lazy because it is not fair to my husband who works all day long. I want him to come home to a clean home and dinner ready. Now, what I do to have energy is I get up early and do some walking. I tell you, if your wife can do that, she will have more energy for the kids, to fix dinner, clean, and even for you. It is not fair that all her energy is going to the kids and not to you.

If your wife chose to be a mother and wife, then she should start doing her part by being that wife to you too. She just needs to set a schedule to go by. I found it better to do some cleaning when my boys were younger, was when they were asleep. The last minute cleaning is what I mean. I would get the laundry ready, but don't start it until the next day. I also would include my sons to participate in the cleaning and cooking. Believe me, when your kids participate, they will not only enjoy it, but they will also have a fun time spending it with their mom in the kitchen. Spending time is very important.

Your wife just needs encouragement from you. If you show her appreciation, love, and respect, then you will probabaly get that in return.

Consider reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands."

Answer 2

Whats reasonable is a home cooked meal, a clean house and the laundry done.
I had 3 children and worked outside the home 50 to 60 hours a week. I came home and always had a decent meal for dinner, washed a couple loads of clothes everyday and the house was always clean. I also mowed the lawn.
The home schooling is not taking a straight 6 hrs a day of her time because while the child is doing homework she could and should be throwing a load of clothes in the laundry, straightening up the house and planing a decent dinner. Lot of women would love her life.
Hate to say it but she's lazy.

Answer 3

Dude, been there done that.. Some women are just plain old not going to do crap unless you put a boot in thier butt so to speak.

Stay at home Wife/Mom should:

1) Take care of the kids.
2) Keep the house clean.
3) Do the grocery shopping.
4) Prepare meals.
5) Laundry.
6) Any other thing that needs to be taken care of inside the house.
7) Sex.

Working man, should be bringing home the paycheck, paying the bills, yardwork (wife can help too if she has time), household maintenance, cars (Ok she can drop them off at the shop if you don't work on them yourself).

Gonna say it now, put the kid in a regular school. Home schooled children end up missing out on some very important social skills, and often do not know how to function in the real world once they move out.

Far as your wife goes, she's lazy, sit her down tell her what you expect of her. Cut off the cable T.V. and Internet and anything else that might distract her from the housework. And quite frankly tell her that if she doesn't shape up, you are going to file for divorce and that you are going to keep the kids since your doing everything for them anyways.

Oh and for the love of god, tell her that the damn frozen dinners are not going to cut it anymore.

This woman is walking all over you, disrespecting you and treating you like crap. Don't put up with this, be a man and demand the respect that you deserve.

Answer 4

I'm a women and no it's not. You should split the chores among the entire family. If she doesn't like cooking try suggesting that she use a crock pot. You just put it in, let it cook all day, and it's done at dinner time. They are good home cooked meals that aren't time consuming. If she won't do that. Feed yourself a good meal at a restaurant before you go home. They will probably tick her off, but you'll have made your point.

Just because she is home all day doesn't mean she has it easier than you though. If I had to stay home with my 5 year old I would go insane. I'm a semester away from graduating from college, and don't plan on being a housewife for that reason. She could be trying to tell you in her own way that she's not happy at home. Ask her about it. Don't have her home school the kids. It might not be the best choice if she's unhappy being stuck in the house. Some women aren't meant to be housewives. Sounds like she may have changed her mind about how you guys had agreed the situation should be.

Good luck. You guys need to sit down as a family and talk about some rules, and make a chore schedule that you all agree on. Also punishments for the kids if they don't do their chores.

Answer 5

I'm old enough to realize that there are always two sides to the story, but honestly it sounds like your wife is a slight lazy.
I'm not in any way saying it's easy to raise kids and homeschool them. That's a big task.
You say the house is a mess. What constitutes a mess? A couple of things out of place? Or like a huge, unorganized disaster zone!
I don't work outside of the home either, and like you my husband expects a fair amount of things to be done around here. Our house is always pretty clean, and when we don't eat out he gets a home cooked meal prepared by yours truly. I'm one of those "old fashioned" women that truly know the value of being able to stay home and care for my husband and my home. I'm in no way perfect, and the house gets messy sometimes.
I don't know where you stand on you helping out around the house. I don't see anything wrong with a husband helping out a little. By no means should he do everything though.
You are partners. If she really isn't pulling her weight sit her down and explain it to her calmly. Let her know how much you love her and value her. Thank her for what she does do, when she does it. Don't stop.
A lot of times a woman can start feeling unappreciated, which will lead to depression and eventually they will just give up.
No matter what, love her and keep on loving her. And if you can afford it and haven't done it in a while, take her out. Just the two of you. I think every couple needs a good date night once in a while!

Answer 6

that is really appalling.
i have been married for a yr & a half and my hubby and i both work.
i get home just before 6 and cook dinner (from scratch!!!).
i am so tired at the end of the day that i cant be bothered cooking but i do it because i know he has been working hard and you need to have a good meal.
i leave the dishes in the sink (cos im lazy) and shower, watch tv then when he goes to bed (cos he gets up at 4am), i wash the dishes and tidy up... that way i have a rest and quickly clean before bed.
i clean the entire house on saturday and my hubby will always help vacuum or clean the bathrooms etc.
he is very domesticated and i love that he helps but as a wife, i feel it is my duty.
tell her how you feel and tell her that if she organised her seld and her day more effectively, she can get more done.
sorry but i think she is just lazy.

Answer 7

Does she want to be a stay at home mom, home-schooling your child? Do you have more than one child at home? Can she cook? Alot of things go into answering this question. If she isn't into being a homemaker, then it may take some work. You should communicate with her and figure out how the two of you can contribute to run your home the way that each would like it to be. You will each have to decide what is important to you and compromise. Those things that aren't as important leave them be.

Answer 8

All I can tell you is what I do in a normal day. I'm not saying your wife is lazy, and I'm not saying that I'm overly ambitious either!

I stay at home with my 3 kids (oldest is 4). I do the dishes, laundry, and make sure the house is picked up & organized. Any cleaning that is done (I'm not big on dusting or washing windows) is done by me. I feed the dog and pick up dog poo. I cook...not every night. I get all of the garbage ready to go out on garbage day (he takes it to the curb). 97% of the child care is done by me. I bathe them, take them to the bathroom, change diapers, wash them up after dinner, put them to bed, make them do their chores, etc, etc, etc.
We generally go grocery shopping together, but I put it away (I'm super anal about my fridge & pantry!)
I hope this helped a little...

Answer 9

i dont think it is too much to ask and here is why
1. marriage is 50/50
2. i am a stay at home mom and my husband is bread winner as we call it he pays bills i run the household i do not become his maid but i feel he shouldnt have to do everything yes he helps me out when i ask and we have rules i dont touch his yard and he stays out of my kitchen
but that is how we chose to live when we do have an issue with each other the best way to fix it is to talk it out find a middle ground and as soon as someone raises their voice we walk away to calm down

Answer 10

The way I was taught + fully support it is:

The one who stays home with the kids/with no kids - is the one who takes care of the house, meals, kids + husband.

The one who does work outside the home is the one who brings in the money to pay the bills. You could also do things around the house. Yard care, repairs + help out if your wife is feeling sick, depressed.

Do you take your wife out + spend quality time with her ?
she could be asking you for this.

Has she always done this since day 1 of your marriage ?
if she has, well it will take alot of effort from her to change it.

Find out why she isn't doing anything at home.
Then try marriage councilling. : )

All the best.