I married a man i had only talked to for a few years online and had only met once in person. I had a baby 6 mo before we got married and it changed me into a different person. After the first year it was obvious to me that my husband and i were on totally different wavelengths and we were not meshing well together at all.
But before I left we got pregnant.
Now that we have kids together, I am torn because I feel that I am missing out on a great marriage simply because i am not connected to my husband due to our Huge differences.
He has made many changes and we are living together again, but i feel as though i am just going through the motions and I can't for the life of me feel connected to him.
I don't know which way to go, to accept this as my marriage and situation for life or hope for something better and prepare my life to except a new relationship that is a better fit for me.
what is your opinion?
Harshness invited, let loose, let me know if I'm being a selfish woman.
2007-08-09 18:33:47 · 12 answers · asked by googlebugg 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What people don't understand is that their marriage partner has to not only be your mate, but your best friend as well. The most common situation that occurs is once a couple is married the attitude changes. The person becomes my wife or my husband, but not my best friend.
I am not concern about being harsh toward you or accusing you of being selfish. Your main focus is to better your relationship with your husband. Honestly, I care to much about marriage counseling, because I always felt that when a couple cares for each other they will use adult means to better themselves toward each other.
There's another avenue to explore in bettering the marriage and family unity, but many people frown upon this suggestion. I will attempt to introduce you to having a happy family...pray(er)
There is old well saying 'a family that prays together, stays together' When you allow God into your family...He'll touch your husband, kids, and you. You probably don't appreciate my suggestion or advice, but chastising you would be wrong. God bless
2007-08-09 19:06:02 · answer #1 · answered by tony 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your not happy, really happy and connected with him then don't marry him. A great marriage is only possibleif you two are CONNECTED. That is so important cuz that's what helps you get through the hard times that inevitably come with marriage. You would be depriving yourself AND him of being happy...truly happy if you stay together just because of the kids....You two can be friends and you can get along and hang out as 2 parents with their kids but that doesn't mean you have to be married. Marry someone who you love, who makes you happy, someone that you want to make happy as well, a marriage should not be "just going through the motions" Get out of the relationship so you both can move on to better things.
2007-08-09 19:39:55 · answer #2 · answered by surat108 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, do you feel that there is ANY possibility that you could EVER feel happy in your marriage? If so, then I suggest marriage counseling. If you truly believe that it's only wishful thinking to think that there's a chance of attaining happiness in this marriage, then it may be time for a divorce.
The way you make it sound in your third paragraph ("... accept this as my marriage and situation for LIFE..."), you seem pretty desperate to get out of this marriage! If that's the case, then get out! You've only got one life to live, so live it as well as you can. Forget what other people say about the "sanctity" of marriage and "what about the vows?!" and crap like that... as a human being, you are guaranteed life, liberty, and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS. If you remain stuck in your situation, you'll only spread the misery to your husband and kids.
By the way, staying together "for the kids" is one of the WORST excuses EVER. They'll only suffer from the fighting and tense atmosphere, so don't think you're doing them a favor by staying with the daddy under one rooftop, okay?
2007-08-09 18:42:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If two people are talking together and one of them is wearing opaque glasses, the other would ask him/her to take them off to be able to see their eyeys and reactions.
You say you met that man, in person, only once; It's not enough, dear, to be able to get to know every thing about him.
Now, as it is, I don't encourage divorce or separation when there are children.
BUT, a big BUT, sometimes having to go on living with someone we don't like, respect or appreciate and whom we assume to be good for nothing, will end up in disastrous consequences. These will afllict both you and your baby.
Now it is for you to decide; if you are dead sure of the image you formed of that man: that he is that bad, no way to get amended (which I doubt), and if you are financially OK, for the time being, leave that man.
BUT, another big BUT, don't start a new life so soon. Wait a while till you get balanced, to get yourself back.
When we lose something and try to make up for it, we usually grasp the one good aspect we were lacking then find
and get blinded from a lot other major aspects.
Good luck and God help you.
2007-08-09 21:38:31 · answer #4 · answered by hy003002 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I married a man about 3 months after I met him. Worse mistake I made in my life. We had 5 kids together and I stayed married to him because I had wanted my kids to have a father. I lost mine when I was 8.
We went for counseling but the therapist said that I should get a divorce because it was not good for the children to see us acting this way. If you are miserable and the kids can sense it then that is what they will think marriage is all about.
Best wishes to you and your children.
2007-08-09 18:45:13 · answer #5 · answered by Aliz 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I grew up without my father, and while I know te whole "stay together for the kids" thing is what everyone says. It's not a good Idea. Miserable mommy and miserable daddy = very miserable screwed up kid.
Mine left before I knew him because of insettleable differences in money and values and stuff. But the two of them decided that I would be best off with one of them, and I would have hated living in a house of violence, or arguing (my mom and my step dad argue now and its not good, or when I argue with my mom and step dad my little brother whose 11 says it scares him and he doesnt like it) could you imagine a kid living with mommy and daddy as living time bombs?
Leave him, find someone you want to be with, and the rest of the United States' Kids (well probably half) have divorced parents, so your child will not live an abnormal life.
2007-08-09 18:58:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
wHAT IS BEST FOR THE KIDS. STAYING WITH THEIR DAD AND 'LEARNING TO APPRECIATE HIM, LOVE HIM...IT IS POSSIBLE. LOOK AT WHAT HE OFFERS AND SEE THE GOOD AND TRY NOT TO EXPECT MORE THAN HE HAS TO OFFER...IF YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR SITUATION...THEN CHANGE YOUR MIND...ON THE OTHER HAND. IF BEING WITH HIM IS SO UNBEARABLE AND IT WILL AFFECT THE CHILDREN DUE TO ARGUMENTS AND THE LIKE...THEN YOU NEED TO PLAN A LIFE ALONE...GET A GOOD JOB AND MAKE IT OFF OF THAT AND WHAT CHILD SUPPORT YOU GET FROM HIM. SEPERATE AND GET A DIVORCE AND THEN LOOK FOR ANOTHER MAN. IT IS NOT FAIR TO COMPLICATE YOUR OR ANOTHER MAN'S LIFE BY GETTING INVOLVED WHILE YOU ARE STILL MARRIED. LEARN TO TAKE CARE OF YOUSELF AND KIDS ALONE AND GET SINGLE BEFORE LOOKING FOR MR RIGHT. GOOD LUCK.
2007-08-09 18:59:30 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I fell like you played yourself rushed into more than you could handle or fooled yourself and got married for all the wrong reasons, now it's not about you because the both of you have the innocent children who will be affect by what ever kind of f-ed up parents you two will become!
2007-08-09 18:38:57 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You can decide option 1.Living with him--If your age is above 40--if it is below 35 years of age ,you can choose your own way
2007-08-09 20:18:10 · answer #9 · answered by shanmugam g 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what the heck did you expect talking online is not the same as talking in person you met him once in person then got married you deserve what you get.
2007-08-09 22:30:46 · answer #10 · answered by infantryman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋