I'm depressed, miserable, and in need of advise in my life! Can you help?

Question

I've been with my husband for 12yrs. & married 7 of it. I have two children. I'm so depressed all the time. I love my husband b/c of my children but, I'm not in love with him. I am not unfaithful to my husband but, my thoughts are. Before I got married I was with someone for 5yrs. and to this day I cannot bring myself to forget him. Last couple of years my husband drinks more, very controlling(more jealous), and we argue every single day. He's a good dad but, we can't seem to get along. I've tried to get along with him and nothing ever seems to work for us. Maybe it's my fault for having these thoughts of someone else but, I've never acted on it. I love my children and would never do anything to hurt them. I always seem to fill guilty after arguing with my husband but, everyday it's the same routine in my life. When we argue we say some really terrible things to one another. I'm just not happy & miserable but, I don't want to hurt my kids. I want a life to.

Answer 1

You are just stuck in a rut.

Get some counseling and you will start to change the bad habits you do. It is not impossible and the improvements will change your entire family.....

Answer 2

Sometimes you reap what you feed a relationship. If your unhappy and your fantasizing about a life you could have had, do you think your husband feels full filled in your relationship. Have you tried to get counseling? Now, if he was abusive all along, that's different. You said he is a good Dad and you were with him 5 years before you married him. Are you sure your just not happy with you? A person cannot be the answer to our complete happiness. We must be happy in ourselves. Living a fantasy about what might have been with this other person, will never lead to happiness. Get over it and get on with your life. Find out what you enjoy. Find things that you and your husband can enjoy together.

Answer 3

Maybe you should go see a doctor see if he can put you on some medicine to life your spirit so your not so depressed all the time..maybe you and your husband should go away on a romantic 2nd honeymoon or plan a date night every other week see if getting away from everything and just relaxing makes things better..if not maybe try counseling..i know it might sound kinda lame but it helps to talk to someone..maybe you should tell your husband that you want a girls night so that you can just get away and go out with your friends..or maybe just go somewhere by yourself..if your trying to get things to work and he's not..I'd say that the guilt is on his shoulders if he's not trying..i think its normal for everyone to fantasize about somebody else..i think the best thing to do is get away from each other for a few weeks go spend time with a good friend or family member..they always seem to give good advise..and get out in the sun the sun shine is a natural mood enhancer..i wish you the very best of luck and hope i was a little bit helpful..good luck with everything!

Answer 4

misery loves company is all i can tell you. it sounds like your husband is going thru something that is making him miserable which is contributing to him drinking and becoming jealous. it sounds like you both should try counseling. individual and marriage. if he's not open to working on things, then i suggest you let go. it's gonna be hard, but you have to do what's best for you and your children. and believe me, children are aware of alot more than adults give them credit for.

as far as thinking about an ex. i don't see a problem with that, as long as you don't act on it. you are human and i'm sure you had a life before you met your husband. sometimes little things can bring up old memories good or bad. so thinking about an ex is natural. as long as you don't act on it and make a bad situation worse... then there is no harm in it.

good luck

Answer 5

I am an Asian Indian and i do not know which country you belong to.Look dear first think is you have to be faithful to your husband.If your husband is not physically assaulting you during arguments be sure he also loves you.arguments are quite common in marriage and one of you have to accept the logic of other. I have seen worse cases than yours.
Talk to your hubby when he clams down and not drinking. buy him some surprise gift-a watch ,a new pair of shoe or a pair of sunglasses .
go out with your children and husband on weekends.
If your hubby shouts too much do not argue and just keep quite during tension.
visiting a church or some other religious places may help a lot.
as far as thinking about Ex it is because you are not getting emotional support from yout hubby. for god's sake be cauragious and bold and solve this problem for the sake of your children.
good luck!

Answer 6

properly i will completely relate! I additionally concept i would not get addicted however the unhappy ingredient approximately it is your physique will desire further and further as time is going on. I went to a 12 step application for a number of years and started sharing my adventure, capability and desire to jails and institutions and found out that fairly some the folk in restoration had and/or have a steel ailment (melancholy, bi-polar) and so on. I would desire to take soreness drugs and that i'd desire to be very careful to no longer attempt to get that (reliable) feeling on a on a regular basis foundation and that i be afflicted by melancholy additionally! i'd actually save attempting to locate a anti-melancholy drugs which will artwork with you like Zoloft and so on, and hit upon a reliable help team that purely would not whinge yet pulls you out of your individual **** and retains you going forward. appropriate needs and no count what, existence continually gets extra useful, continually!

Answer 7

Well did u every tried to get a divorced. The point of a marraige is to be happy and ur miserable u should think of the kids but u should think more of ur self. My parents were divored wen i was 6 but know they are happy on thier own. And they lived happily eva after...

Answer 8

this is a low in the marriage, thinking of the ex isn't helping...it may not be the source of your issues but it diffinately sends bad vibes into the relationship...of course his drinking isn't helping either ...and perhaps he has his share of 2nd thoughts too...I'd say you both are good candidates for some marital counceling...it could ease the tension thats between the two of you and provide a middle ground to perhaps get a spark back into your lives.

Answer 9

you need to move on in your thinking about the past time.If you were with someone before,now that is past time.You can not stuck in the past.Remember the past is one thing,and stuck in the past is a different story.Move on,realize that you are in the present time,and be happy.Forget it about to feel guilty.Go to church,or pray alone in your house,and tell God to forgive your thoughts,and after doing that,is done.Then,never think or feel guilty again,and start a new life,happy with your family. Remember past time is past time,mean is over.Move on in your life.God bless you and help you to do that.

Answer 10

Here is the best advice you will get: Call Alcoholics Anonymous and ask them to direct you to the nearest Ala-non meeting. It is free and you won't regret it.