Should I stay or go if I am unsure in my relationship?

Question

I have been with my daughter's father for 3 years now, but Im unhappy. He is a great father and we get along for the most part, but lately things have been diffrent. I found out he uses his phone to chat with other women and have them send naked pictures of themselves and he has gone as far as call the whores who send the pics. his phone is always on low or vibrate and he just recently locked his phone book so I can see names but I can't see phone numbers. When I confront him he either ignors me or gets angry, and all this started after I had our baby and lost my nice figure. I am currently in school and he is the sole bread winner, so I am afraid to leave him for finacial reasons. Everyone I know thinks he is a gem(he helps around the house, he tends to our 11 month old, he is the only one working while Im in school,and he gose around brainwashing people that he"loves"me.Would some that loves you try and be so secrative???? Im stuck and don't know what to do - deal with it or move ?

Answer 1

YOU have to decide this for yourself. You have to decide if you are going to continue to put up with this kind of treatment or not. You should do whatever you think will make you happiest. Check around & see what your options are before you up & leave. If you have parents or family locally maybe you could stay with them. Really do your home work, because you don't want to leave & then him end up getting custody of your child because you can't make ends meet. You may have to stay until you can get through with school. If he hasn't yet turned abusive he may he sounds a lot like my ex so be very careful about how you do things & how you leave if you leave. Erase all your history & tracks before getting off the computer. If he's that sneaky he may try to check out what you have been up to. Being sneaky makes you suspicious.So let being suspicious make you sneaky.

Answer 2

Well I definitely know how you feel been there, done that situation for far to long if this just started let me offer you some advice and my you will be able to save the relationship. Now by all means if the relationship continue to go down hill from this point get the HECK OUT!!!! Men feed off of our self-esteem issues they know when you feel defenseless and they may not even do it intentionally. When you where convident before you had the baby he knew this and it was a threat your more unhappy with yourself then he is with you but he will play your game your way cause it benefits him your not going anywhere you think your not MS. IT no more!!! lol and your down about your financial situation I can't even say it anymore clearer get yourself together for you if you want to lose weight don't let his stress interfer work out around the house of course when he is not there because they will always kick you when your down for instance dance very good exercise maybe babysit for extra income or if you can get a part time job find happiness within yourself and believe me you will be the best with or without him. Make him start to use protection when you 2 have sex better safe than sorry.

Answer 3

Hon I have been there!! Always remember you are never stuck . Don't stay if you are that unhappy. There are agencies that can help you. I beleive that he is cheating. If you're married there shouldn't be any lock codes or secrets in a marriage. Have some pride in yourself!!! Just because you're not a size 2 that you're not attractive. You need to step back and worry about YOU. Love you . Put mom first once and awhile. I had to learn that. If your not happy then I am sure that it is not a happy home for that baby . As the old saying goes "If mom ain't happy ain't nobody gonna be happy" I will keep you in my prayers.

Answer 4

That's tough. I'm sorry about all of that, no one should have to deal with someone doing that to you. (with the whores pictures and such)

If you're really that unhappy and he's so great with your daughter, try marriage counseling. It could really help you guys. Other than that make sure that you keep the lines of communication open.

And as for your figure, try taking a walk everyday around where you live, you'll get your nice figure back soon enough.

Good luck with everything.

Answer 5

sweetheart, i say you listen to your heart..at the end of the day when its quiet and you are just thinking to yourself..listen to your heart babe. no matter what advice we give its up to you still to make the decision that you think is best for you. when you comfront him and he ignores you or gets angry that is childish..let him know you want to sit down like adults and talk about the situation..ask him is he happy with you and the relationship..and ask why is he doing these things if he happy and he loves you so much?! sometimes men are ignorant sweetie. and sometimes they think what they are doing is right even though it is VERY wrong. he IS wrong for what he is doing and you deserve better NO matter if you gained 300lbs after the pregnancy he shouldnt be treating you like this! and if you are worried about leaving him for financial reasons..that should be the LEAST of your concerns! that is what child support is for. go get a job while you are in school to support you and the baby and have your family and friends help babysit or whatever go roomup with them. you shouldnt stay in a situation if you are unhappy. mostly, what i think is missing if lack of communication..but the point is if you both are unhappy then its time to break up. happiness is the key babygirl...dont let yourself live in something or deal with something you are unsatisfied..period..good luck

Answer 6

seems that your man's a domineering,controlling shallow bloke who knew how to clean up his act in front of an audience but in reality doesn't see you the way you should be seen-as a woman whom he had shared 3 years of his life & should be loved & respected,good or bad figure at all.by the way,is he also too sexual,as in he thinks more of sex when youre alone together??maybe thats another thing you need to see & reconsider coz its either that thats the case of his sudden change or...he may not be getting enough fizz in your sex life (you said you're in school though i find it a little strange coz you should be at home most of the time taking care of your little baby) & he finds himself all alone not because youre not around but,as my husband normally puts it,"the lights are on but nobody's home" (you may be exhaused by the time you get home or youre just busy doing some homework or trying to run the house after going home from school that you don't find time to attend to his needs,physical & otherwise). still try to look at all the possibilities about the changes in him & of whether or not your relationship with him deserves a 2nd chance or its time for the 2 of you to move on.

Answer 7

u sure are stuck because you are dependant on him (financially) which sucks because women nowadays have the power to be their own breadwinner, and you chose to be dependant on a man, which will only allow him to treat you however he wants to because u can't leave him.

i'm sorry to break it to you but it is very obvious that he lusts after other women. you said that you have lost your figure and men can be very superficial and they are visual. i wouldn't stand for that for a second! that is his personality - he is not faithful - one commits adultery in the heart before it is committed in the flesh. his heart is not entirely with you. would u accept that? hopefully u finish school soon so that u can be your own woman and never let a man allow you to feel this way. he is just a man no more and no less....

Answer 8

You are you and he is he. Neither one of you appears to have made legal, binding commitments to the other if you are not legally married to him.

That said, he is not bound by the "rules" of marriage, he has made no binding commitments to be a "one woman man"

Pretending to be a family may work for awhile, but due to your legal situation, you can't nail him for any "crime"

For a married guy to connect with whores and oogle naked women. Now, there is a guy with problems. And his wife has every right to nail him to the wall for his transgressions. She has every right to leave him.

You are going to need to make up your mind what you are willing to live with. What type of man do you want raising your daughter? One who can't keep his hands to himself?
Do you really want her to grow up in an atmosphere and under the opinions of a womanizer? How will that shape her mind and self image?

You may want to check-out a website. There is a message board of other women who's husbands have sexual addictions, porn or other women. newlife.com click on community. click on message boards. click on Every Heart Restored. There is also a book by that name you might benefit from.

Stand-up to him girl. You don't have to take it.

Answer 9

I say you wait a while. Try and giving it to him like a porn star. Hold nothing back! Be his little S L U T ! He will love you for it! This should get him off those stupid sights...And as for the weight thing...Get yourself a treadmill, or start jogging in the morning and that weight will disappear...Listen cutie, this advice is genuine and my girl did it for me..and believe me it works!!!

Answer 10

Stay until you are finished school and have started your career. Then you leave the lying, cheating sleaze, take half of everything and get your child and spousal support! Don't have any more kids with this douche!!!