Okay, I've never experienced anything like this before now but it is very frightening and I don't know what to do or how to handle this situation at all and I need some advice. At my job (bookstore) there is this strange older/middle-aged patron who comes in at least twice a week, sometimes more. This man is CONSTANTLY staring at me, making me very uncomfortable and despite my efforts to ignore this behavior it has continued. The last time he came I was ALONE down an aisle cleaning up and he was looking at a book. Then he turned, looked directly at me smiled and just started...touching himself. I know...its disgusting Im so humiliated. And I don't know that anything can be done of it really because he has never actually spoken to me or approached me up close but I feel violated and scared to death. But what would you do if you were in my situation?
2007-08-09 18:00:45 · 10 answers · asked by Mia J 1 in Politics & Government ➔ Law & Ethics
Sadly, no my work doesn't have cameras (it is a library actually) but I will have to tell my boss about it...I just wish there was some way I could prove that this guy is doing this to me and make it stop. I mean because I'm j a teenager and this man is like 40 years old its so gross and I just feel so embarrased. Ugh.
Thankyou for your support...I just needed someone to talk to about it and this is helping...it gives me comfort to know the pervs are everywhere I guess...lol
2007-08-09 18:21:20 · update #1
Don't be embarassed or humiliated -- this guy is the one with the problem, not you. He's pathetic and a creep. Tell your Manager immediately, and work together to develop a strategy for dealing with him. The store has the right to tell him that he is no longer welcome. The store may report the situation to the police (or you can choose to do so), and they may set a trap for him. The store Manager or a male worker can stay near him when he's in the store -- he'll get the message very fast. Some stores post signs that the premises have video cameras, which would tell him that his little party is coming to an end. In the meantime, stay away from him. You don't want to let him know that you're worried about him, since it would give him a thrill. The store could agree that it's ok to embarass him a little too (call out loudly to your Manager that he or she should call that number for the 511 situation) (fake code) to let him know that it's not a secret and he's pushed his luck too far.
You'd be doing your community and the store's customers a favor by getting him noticed by the police. The store also has an obligation to protect you from harassment by its patrons, but you have an obligation to let the store know that it's happening so they can solve the problem. You don't need to confront him yourself unless you feel you can do it safely.
I remember how creeped out I was when something similar happened to me years ago. If it happened to me today, I'd react completely differently - and he'd be the one traumatized!!
2007-08-09 18:32:45 · answer #1 · answered by Neonzeus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you have just described is definitely a case of sexual harassment and must be reported to the authorities BUT, and it is a big but, what proof anyone has so that the authorities could proceed with the complaint?
Also, if you complain to the Book-store owner as such, he is also likely to cower since it involves a regular customer and he would not like to offend him (and other customers) without a solid proof. Remember, whenever there is an offence, there is also an excuse and you don't know what kind of excuse THAT offending man has. So, you have to move cautiously so that you don't face resistance from your employer as well as you can trap that man. Do as I suggest here:
1. Go to your employer and say something like this; "There is a gentleman who comes regularly to the store, however, for the last few weeks he has been acting in a way which does not seem appropriate to me but I am not sure if I am right. So, why not you and other employees see it yourself and determine if my observation is right."
2. Then suggest to him to focus the surveillance cameras of the store on his action next time and tape it. If cameras are not installed in the store, then some other employee(s) can do it through his/her camera or mobilephone. If it is through a regular or mobilephone camera then you must keep a copy of the video with you before showing to the book-store owner. This is a precaution in case the owner is reluctant to proceed against the customer, which is quite likely.
3. Let your employer and others determine the situation and let him (your employer) proceed with the action which he is bound by law in such cases. This way your problems is solved as also you are not exposed to the likely threat from the customer.
4. In case, however, your employer is reluctant and does not proceed with the case, you can directly report it to the police with the proof that you have already preserved.
The bottom line is you HAVE to trap the offending man with his action before you can proceed against him.
2007-08-09 18:45:08 · answer #2 · answered by s_shiromani 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your manager. Be sure someone else observes his behavior. Where I live, we recently had a situation in the news that was similar. This crazy guy kept coming in various restaurants and shops, and stared at certain female workers. Then he started bringing gifts for one particular 16 yr. old girl - thongs from Victoria's Secret! Her manager had the good sense to call the police. He was eventually arrested. It's not a laughing matter - he could be stalking you, and you may find yourself being accosted by the perv.
If your manager won't help you, don't hesitate to call the police and file a report. When he touched himself he crossed a line - that was public lewdness, for which he could be arrested. Be careful !!! You have no reason to be embarrassed, you're the victim.
PS: Do NOT listen to Fadder 1776. That was the worst advice I've ever heard. Employers have a responsibility to keep their employees safe. Why should you have to quit your job because someone is breaking the law and harassing you? You shouldn't have to confront this guy, and it's possible that could be dangerous. Call the police!!!
2007-08-09 18:28:16 · answer #3 · answered by kat_sparrow 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The company can't do anything to stop the harassment until you tell them that it's happening. Only if the company refuses to listen to your claims do you need to get a lawyer. But, HR and management need to be made aware of the situation ASAP, and need to have a plan of action to deal with it. If, on the small chance that you happen to work in a nursing home/ assisted living setting, and are being pursued by one of the residents who happens to have a crush on you, it may be a situation where all the company has to do is move you to another floor until you are forgotten.
2016-05-18 05:30:05 · answer #4 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How creepy. He likes you and wants to get with you. Tell your manager about it. Don't go home without someone with you. I guess the pervs hang out everywhere.
2007-08-09 18:08:37 · answer #5 · answered by Kate J 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Grow thicker skin, if you don't like what he is doing, tell him to stop. If your boss don't like you telling customers to quit touching themselves when they look at you, quit. Everybody thinks it is someone else's job to take care of their problems. Guess what? You are the only one that can fix this. Tell the old goat to get out of the store or you are callin' the cops. What is he going to do? Call your boss up and say "Hey I was playing with myself and your empoyee made me leave! I want you to fire her! Not likely.
2007-08-09 18:20:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell your manager what happened and how you feel about it.one thing I would have done was tell the guy to get out!,or I will call the police ,if he thinks you won't do anything about it he will do it again.Get mad..
(Many blessings)
2007-08-09 18:31:04 · answer #7 · answered by margaret moon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would talk to the manager, and or call the police, tell them the situation.. that he is making u feel uncomfortable.. and does ur work have cameras? catch him doing this.. and show it to them.
2007-08-09 18:09:43 · answer #8 · answered by Munchkin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
EW! Talk to your manager about this perv.
2007-08-09 18:18:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
im gonna need a pic of you before i can answer
2007-08-09 18:19:28 · answer #10 · answered by tex 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋