This is a continuation of my yesterday's question. I got convinced this obsession my husband has for my armpit hair must come to an end --after I read the responses I got to my questions here yesterday and thought about it calmly--I told my husband softly that I want that hair off. His reaction was angry--which is rare whith him--and he is sort of avoiding me since this conversation and when I asked him why he was taking this tuft of hair so seriously he said Iam not giving importance to his feelings and added that he will not have physical intimacies with me unless I show respect for his feelings by retaining that damn bush under my arms since he is hurt. Iam shocked! I know that he is not trying to dominate over me and really seems to be hurt! We know we love each other for sure, so there is no question of letting this petty issue remain a problem between us. He seems to get too attached to this hairy look of mime and says he cant imagine me without it any more. What do I do now?
2007-08-09 17:44:22 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Shave the pits, he'll get over it...
2007-08-09 17:53:15 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow...that is a very tricky situation. You can't wear spaghetti straps or anything feminine with that under your arms...but you also have a man who..frankly has an opinion about something he likes. I have heard that the French use this tuft of hair during that time of the month...if that is the case..then he needs to be able to "hold out" for a couple of days. If not and he has this odd obsession with arm pit hair then you really need to find out WHY! It is your body and you have to be comfortable to. If you two have a great relationship like you say.....then there should be a way to come to an agreement that suits both of you. He isn't willing to hear your side and is only thinking of what he likes...but that isn't fair at all...no matter how much in love you are...compromise is the key to any and all issues. He needs to bend. No matter how great his obsession is...it is still your body and your choice. Men are weird when it comes to their needs, but this one really confuses me..usually I can just say "Do what you need to make you happy". But this is delicate....I really think you need to get to the root of his obsession. That is where you will find your answer. Maybe you can say 6 months with hair and 6 months without...that might be a good way to have him at least get used to you without it!
Best of luck to you! Wow!
2007-08-09 18:03:25 · answer #2 · answered by Dragonflyshan 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sit him down and talk to him. Let him know that is feelings are important and that you really do care about what is important to you. Something like armpit hair is very petty. Is not the real argument. He may have been having feelings like this for awhile. It may not have from you or concerning you but usually a blow up like this has a root. Have a conversation with him. If you are not comfortable with the hair then tell him. I don't believe the hair is the problem. What he said is the key to what is going on. So talk to him and cater to his needs a little. Do something romantic for him and makes him feel manly. I would not suggest shaving until you guys get to the root of the situation. I say that I really don't feel like thats th issue. If it is then shave. But if this starts to get worse then stand your ground and leave hom alone until he decides to talk. Let him know that you are there when he's ready.
2007-08-09 17:55:29 · answer #3 · answered by Alexandria 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has partialism (like a fetish). It is what attracts him to you. His feelings are not hurt, his libido is. My husband has a couple of fetishes, but none of them have to do with how my body looks. It is your body and he needs to respect that!! He seems to be hurt, but he's really trying to make you feel guilty so he can get his own way. My husband does that too! It is a subtle way of controlling you.
A fetish can be a very controlling problem in a relationship. Since he doesn't want to be intimate with you without the bush, you can see how controlled he is by it. He may not even admit that it is a fetish for him.
I would suggest you bring up seeing a sexual health councilor. Someone to mediate and help you guys work through this part of your relationship. If he refuses that idea, I'm not sure what else you guys could do. Let him look at pictures of other women with arm pit hair before you have sex. This might help him to get aroused, and let you get rid of the arm bush.
These articles may help.
http://coolnurse.healthology.com/sexual-health/video2902.htm
http://www.forensicpsychiatry.ca/paraphilia/partialism.htm
Good luck! I hope you two can sit down and talk about this. The bottom line is he needs to respect your body.
2007-08-09 18:17:47 · answer #4 · answered by T_Rae 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you blind? Or just selfish? You think it's a "petty problem" well apparently your husband doesn't think it's very petty! Men and their fetishes are very important to them.
If he's a good man otherwise I would use care when talking to him about this. And DO NOT cater to him when he gets upset about it. Go ahead and shave your armpits but make a deal with him of some sort. Tell him to shave his legs (or other thing he won't want to do) and you'll see what you can do about the armpit hair.
2007-08-09 18:18:10 · answer #5 · answered by Ade 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
how about just trimming it down a bit?
that way it not something people will think you need to braid but you still have some left to get hubby going.
On another issue, if you give in to this because "it hurts him" what else might he demand of you to do that is against your wishes?
I did like the suggestion from your question yesterday, only shave when it's sleeveless weather. The rest of the year, he can have you "tufty"
2007-08-09 18:03:27 · answer #6 · answered by googlebugg 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just shave your arm pits if you want to. There are other parts of the body he will enjoy. He will get over it. Tell him that you are not going to let this ruin your marriage because he wants hairy arm pits. Tell him you feel much cleaner when you are shaved and you want to smell nicer.
I am wondering what he will do if you tell him to shave his legs?! lol Also, tell him that you would rather look more womanly than manly!
2007-08-09 17:57:20 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
It really isn't that serious. Some cultures like the hairy arm pits on a woman. No one but you & your husband will even know it's there... Unless you decide to wear something that reveals your pits. Make a compromise with him. You will shave when it's hot (such as Summer time), but you will grow it back for the winter. As for someone saying something about your personal hygeine... As long as you wear deoderant, your hygeine will be just fine. Take it from a wife that likes to please her man (as long as it's a reasonable request)... Just be glad he loves you all natural. Good luck with your decission.
2007-08-09 17:59:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
My husband use to like hair on my legs and my privates, I told him I was going to shave and he insisted that I not, however, I shaved and he kind of liked it, so I continued and now he loves the "bald" look and the shaved legs so much he doesn't want me growing it back. Once he sees it he might like it.
2007-08-09 18:08:11 · answer #9 · answered by Jenn 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but yuck!
Doesn't it feel yucky to you? EWWW.. that would drive me insane.. I'd feel like I was walking around with a cat shoved under each arm...
I think this is one of those times where you have to agree to disagree and it is YOUR body... do what you want.
2007-08-09 17:49:26 · answer #10 · answered by Wildflower 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell him that you also have a desire that he can make happen and that you want him to keep his privates shaved . I bet he won't be so excited about that idea.
2007-08-09 18:00:49 · answer #11 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋