Married over 20 years most of them very good but now wife in unhappy,still says she loves me and always will,nothing to do with either of us be unfaithful,just doesn't feel affection for me says it feels more like we are friends and business partners.I'm still crazy about her,I kinda think she has lost respect for me because I've kissed her butt to much over the years,helping with house work and kids and stuff like that trying to be a nice guy and think maybe she doesn't see the strong cocky confident man she fell in love years ago.
2007-08-09 17:38:02 · 14 answers · asked by sch1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
hey.. if you did it for 20 years.. well CONGRATULATIONS to you.. do some thing special for her.. try to go away for a week end or take some time of..
And let me make a note of this.. just cos a guy helps with house work don't mean we think you are any less of a man.good luck
2007-08-09 17:43:32 · answer #1 · answered by sam 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may be going through menopause and it's playing havoc with her hormones.
What you've done in helping around the house and so forth has nothing to do with her not wanting to be intimate.
Remember what you did when you were first married? Maybe you nuzzled her neck, kissed her hand, messaged her shoulders? Whatever it was see if you feel the same feeling doing it now as you did then.
Try a get away, for a day or a night or a whole weekend. Leave the world, the house, kids etc behind and concentrate on you two as a couple, again.
It lasted this long because you have that special something between you. It's still there. You still got "it!"
2007-08-10 00:58:36 · answer #2 · answered by Autumn S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a wife that can somewhat relate to your wife and her feelings. I doubt that she has lost respect for you. I think that she is probably bored and is wondering if this is as good as it gets. I can tell you, that I have tried many times to communicate to my husband that I am not happy. But he just doesn't seem to "get it".
Why don't you plan an unexpected romantic trip for just the two of you to somewhere she would never expect? If she isn't interested in sex, perhaps it's because it's become too routine. Surprise her, go make love somewhere completely out of the ordinary....make her feel young and sexy as hell. Sometimes words aren't enough. It sounds like you have been a very devoted father and husband, and I am sure that she respects you for your loyalty. But, if you've been married for 20 years...then she may be wondering what it will be like once the kids move out on their own. She may wonder if life will be boring and unfulfilled. I know that is how I am feeling, and I care very deeply for my husband. He is my best friend and a great father and works hard for the family. However, our interests aren't the same and the "spark" is just gone. I don't want to sound shallow, but I think that your wife needs to come FIRST and the children come second. The reason being, if your children see parent's that are dedicated and loving towards each other, then you are setting an example of what they should expect as they grow up and go off to begin family's of their own someday.
So, I would start by finding a mutual activity that the two of you enjoy equally and get involved in whatever it is. Next, I would start planning a romantic vacation without her knowing. If she works, call her employer and see if she can get the time off and explain it's a surprise. Don't tell the kids until it gets closer. Life is too damn short, so go somewhere amazing with her. Finances aren't great...so the heck what. Make it happen. Finally, make love in a completely unexpected place...make it feel a tad dangerous but exciting. She wants to feel "alive" and sexy and I'm guessing a bit naughty. Instead of her going out and having an affair, shake things up so much that she almost feels like she is having one....only she'd be having it with you.
2007-08-10 01:50:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are probably very far from the truth. The problem may be that you are not as adventurous as she would like you to be. Maybe you have just grown apart. I truly doubt that any women would lose love because her husband was too nice to her. My guess is that she wants more excitement in life than you are giving her. Try doing some really spontaneous things that you know she would enjoy doing. Sometimes you get so wrapped up in keeping our family taken care of, that you forget to spark the flame that drew you and she together in the first place.
Good Luck!!
2007-08-10 00:47:00 · answer #4 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, no, you sound like a wonderful guy and husband. She must be going through a phase or something. Don't give up try new things, hopefully she'll snap out of it soon. Ask her if she needs a break and give her space so she can figure out what is going on. Don't be scared, usually they miss thier partners and come running to be back together. Just give it time. Marriages don't last these days, and if they do it was a controlling man, cheating, anger etc and they stick together because they don't want to be alone. Good luck, she'll be ok soon. Do what you have to, to make her feel better.
2007-08-10 00:45:29 · answer #5 · answered by Smile 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
After 20 years of marriage it is easy to let the day to day stresses of life beat down the intimate relationship of marriage. It's hard to keep the passion alive when you have to deal with housework, bills, children and the various schedules. Try wooing your wife again. Oldfashion word, but date her again. Do things for her she doesn't expect. Bring her a rose home or write her a love note or a note telling her all the things you love about her. Stir up the passion. Now you may say well she's not doing that for me, but if you sow you will usually reap a harvest.
2007-08-10 01:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by Nicole 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What would the strong cocky confident man she fell in love with years ago have done if she had told him back in the day that she didn't feel affection for him?
2007-08-10 01:03:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There you go, so get back to the person she fell in love with, hit the gym, don't pay to much attention to her. Make her miss you, play the cat and mouse game for awhile, try and spice things up but in a settle why not hella overbearing. If you can get the spice back and her wanting to actually jump your bones I think things will be cool. Give her a sensual message, get some fruit, slow jam cd, mix it up do something different don't be so predictable!
2007-08-10 01:05:51 · answer #8 · answered by letgoletflow26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont just act like friends n then say ur crazy over her
u gotta do the sweet little things ppl do when they first start dating.....even if u two didnt do it then.
do simple things for her to brighten her day!
leave her a single rose to wake up to if u leave earlier in the morning
leave love notes places
maybe take a romantic vacation without the kids
ask her how her day was for petes sake!!
2007-08-10 00:41:46 · answer #9 · answered by . 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so try it out be strong and cocky try to fire up the passion again. see how she reacts maybe shell get that not so friend young in love crazy about you feeling back
2007-08-10 00:41:20 · answer #10 · answered by Ebaby 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋