{PLZ BE HONEST!!!l!!!!!!} kthnx...♥?

Question

[♥]What do yah think of this poem?
*I'm 14
*I have BAD writer's block when a topic is thrown @ me.
*I hate poetry sometimes, especially when I have to write it.
*I had to do an exaggerated poem/elegy.
*I know it sucks, so you don't have to tell me LOL...just say what I should change.

HEAT:

It covers the atmosphere in haze.
Almost as scorching as a stove.
Sets the pavements and streets ablaze.
And roves furiously through the grove.

Melts the cars,
And roasts each tree.
Diffuses candy bars
And sunburns: third degree.

Melts ice in a flash
And dehydrates the leaves.
Burns the air to ash;
It's the intolerable heat.

=]

Answer 1

Hello Kitty, such a pretty name ...................... such a ripper poem!! Really, I'm sitting in b*oody freezing old Melbourne at the mo and i actually felt warm there for a sec ............ :0)

CHEERS

Answer 2

Mate, don't be so bloody hard on yourself. it really wasn't as dreadful as you made it out to be.
What i didn't like:
-Almost as scorching as a stove-egh-just not good. I can't think of a fix for it. I wish I could, but not much rhymes with grove.
-I didn't like-And dehydrates the leaves. It doesn't read well. try: Dehydrating leaves,

What I liked:
-I really loved Burns the air to ash. Very metaphoric. Good job.

Other than that-I liked it. Good luck and invest in some confidence in your work. No offense-just constructive criticism.

Answer 3

Realy good but i would change the 1 thing about diffusing a candy bar, but otherwise, ur good 2 go, i am a songwriter, so i can tell u what to change ;-P

Answer 4

Love It, I mean, it's all you.... =]
&& it makes sense =P


-Lady xClusive