Should I Get A Divorce?

Question

My husband and I fight every single day, we do agree on important matters like children, family, and finances, however we disagree about everything else. He does not kiss me passionately anymore and hardly ever says sorry when he gets really upset at me and calls me bad names. He thinks all the decisions I have made are stupid and he does not respect me as a women, at least I dont feel he does.

I have talked to him about everything that is bothering me and let him know that I will do what I can to improve, yet I am the only one trying to improve. He thinks he does not have to improve at all.

I love him but I am not sure if he loves me, he never says it anymore unless I ask him to. I just dont know what to do anymore. I have tried to convince him in to going to marriage counseling but he does not think counseling helps.

Answer 1

You are who you are don't change the way you are for anyone if they love you then they love you for you flaws and all. Okay I have to agree I don't think your wanting to tell the whole story so I'm thinking maybe somewhere along the way you lost his respect (maybe cheating, maybe drugs or alcohol I don't know) But If you love him then you try to earn his respect back its not easy and it takes time. Remember when you were a kid and you did something to disappoint your parents well you had to earn there trust back right same thing here earn your husbands trust and respect back. Don't give up on your marriage to me that is nothing but a cop out and I hate that. Why even pay for a wedding, preacher, marriage license, dress, cake and all the other trimmings if your just going to get a divorce it make little since to me, might as well say until you say or do something to make me angry instead of till death do we part.

Answer 2

You are not alone you know, every marriage is like this to some degree and the answer to everything is communication. I can tell you that with 100% confidence. Men and women think, talk and act differently but our feelings are the same and once your husband if made to understand your feelings and you his, things will seem a lot different. The man you fell in love with will suddenly reappear even brighter than before. So what am I saying? Get counseling, any way you can, check with the churches or the doctors office, anywhere because sometimes you need that third person to filter, to translate to be able to explain the things that you are not hearing because you are angry and hurt. I feel like so many marriages can be saved if people would just take the time and put the effort into their marriages because it is not easy,and you do have to work on it, but it is worth it, so give it some thought, talk to your husband and give it a try.

Answer 3

Counselling helps only when both people are willing and open and you say he's not. If not divorce you need a break from each other for you ,him ,and the kids because they know when mom's not happy, and it affects them to . You should rather give them a happy mom than two unhappy parents. Separating for a while should run smoothly because to be honest with you its like you already are ;you're not intimate ,he doesn't care about your feelings because everyone says things they don't mean in a argument but he doesn't apologise.Well if all your decisions were stupid that includes marrying and falling in love with him. You and your kids will have a stable and stress free environment if you just took a break and take your time. Instead of making a quick decision just separate for a while ,just to take some time for you . I believe you will come to a better decision if you don't have to hear and feel all that negativity that comes from him for a while . Should you get a Divorce ? Time will tell better than any person can.. Good Luck

Answer 4

Men usually think there is nothing wrong with them and it is always the women. You could go counseling by yourself and get some support from a therapist. You should tell your husband, there is always room for improvement for everybody including him.
Have you thought about it, how you have been treating him lately? Have you changed too? Why do you think he doesn't love you anymore? You need to get your self esteem back and don't put yourself down anymore.
The good thing is you guys agree on the big stuff, so why sweat the small stuff. Just surprise him sometimes and take him out to the movies or dinner or picnic and tell him that you care for him very much and that you respect him and that you expect the same of him. Tell him that you love him every day and don't get upset if he doesn't do it. Don't request it either, eventually he will snap out of it.

Answer 5

Sweet Pea you have done all that you can do. At least you guys do talk about the important things mentioned above. I think sometimes you have to go deeper to get better results. Have you thought about having a passionate night with the hubbie. I mean go all out for him. It seems like the romance is a little dead. Set the mood with dinner, some candles, a nice and sexy lingerie nighty, and a bubble bath. make passionate love to each other. Do this every day and that will spark conversations that you thought was no longer there. Good luck!

Answer 6

Marriage is between two people. You both have to love and respect one another.

Your marriage needs a boost right now cuz it's on a dangerous path.

It also sounds like everything you can do, that's commonly known as the "right" things to do and say - you've done.

Drastic times call for drastic measures. When he does, says or acts in a way that needs to be improved upon - point that out to him. Do what's comfortable to you or it won't work. My suggestion, and fix it however you need to so it works for you is to say something like oh yes, THAT doesn't need to be changed/improved/modified! Pointing out his shortcomings, when he thinks he has none, maybe the beginning of a beautiful relationship.

I know, it's a wee bit of playing in the sandbox mentality - but the best way to get a kid to stop biting is to bite him back, harder so he knows the pain he's causing.

Answer 7

Sounds like he is cold, angry, controlling and insensitive. Look you don't have a marriage anymore, you need to be treated with dignity and respect, you are his wife, your suppose to be his companion, his best friend, you all are one. You are not going to be happy with him if he doesn't tighten up, he needs to get busy and change. You are going to live your live in pain if you stay around a man that you love so much and is constantly hurting you and doesn't care to do anything about it. You heard this before life is too short. You love him and this will always hurt you, or just give him a break, you take a break, you will cry, hurt but you need to get out. Hang out with friends go to events, smile, laugh loud, have family and friends over, find yourself again. You'll see that sadness and stress with be lifted off you shoulders and heart and eventually a long time from now it will all go away. Or sooner if someone finds you who know how to treat you and make you smile. So just take a break, let him figure out what he wants in the mean time you find yourself and work on you, you deserve to be treated better from you hubby

Answer 8

well, judging from ur description, u guys are middle age couple. first of all u have to ask/talk with him to find out what went wrong and caused this whole situation, maybe it's him who got problems at work or something and then comes home and releases his stress on u...or maybe he's just, pardon me saying that, bored with the marraige..maybe ur life is very monotoneus and u guys don't do anything exciting...like vacation or something...and then obviously he's a MAN and he will always say that everything's fine and he doesn't see any problems...but yet he'll treat u like a "*****" to let u know who's the man in the house...remember he got a "man pride" and maybe he wants you to come with an initiative offering new,cool things or be sorry all the time....I can't recommend u anything special mainly because I'm not a therapist and I don't know the details of ur marriage...but maybe he has an affair???...check and see but don't pressure it on him...just be discret.....I could however recommend u to go away for some time...give u both some time offf....leave him home with children, chores,bills, and let him take care of everything.....and just really go away for 2 weeks?....really, dont call or anything.....finally he would realize how much he missed u and how much he really needs U.....if he doesn't, then we gotta think of something else....well thats it for now...hope I helped u a bit...good luck and feel free to talk to me....I'm sorry that I'm not a proffesionalist and allowed myself to advice u...

Answer 9

Give him an ultimatum.....he needs to have a real commitment in your marriage where both of you work together to improve your problems and make it work or you guys separate for a while. Some guys will never learn and get pass the real reason marriage is hard work with two people willing to work together to be happy and make a fulfilling future. Divorce should be the last option, if you've tried all you can and he still won't change.

Answer 10

I feel so sorry for your situation. If he won't work with you or seek help does he even admit a problem exists? Have you asked him if he wanted you to go? Perhaps you asking him may give you some of the answers you need? You have to stop turning discussions into fights and not walk away when you are talking to each other. End each argument with some sort of closure so that if it happens again you can refer to the discussion you already had. Short of that you haven’t many option other than to seek divorce but I wouldn't throw it away without one more honest effort if he wont bend then you know what you have to do. I wish you well.