What is the best way to deal with a lying spouse?

Question

What is the best way to deal with a lying spouse? Especially when no matter what the circumstances they won't tell the truth. Even when seperating becomes an option. Examples being lying about internet usage and sites, cheating, and everyday small things.

Answer 1

CONFRONT HIM ABOUT IT!

Answer 2

I just joined this site: PartnersofSexAddicts2, a yahoo group.
I don't think anyone can fix your lying husband for you, or even perscribe some miracle treatment for you to fix him, but I think sympathy and strength can probably be found at such sites. Dr. Phil also has a website which I've visited which is excellent: "how porn has affected my relationship" or something worded very close to that.
Lying can really wear you down. Maybe at some point, there's simply nothing else but "your problem is not going to be my problem nor the focus of my life any longer".
Else you end up sacrificing your purpose in life entirely, consumed with why this person lies to you, yet loves you at the same time, but you end up exhausted reduced to wanting only one thing--a straight man. (as in not a joker, not an attention seeker, not a drama queen--the old use of the word.)
A personality flaw that can't be fixed? Perhaps...sure, in some cases, this must be true. Some liars are compulsive. It may take many many heartbreaks, or the message may never get through to them.
Liars think life is a joke. What other possibility could there be? It goes with the territory that you are not taken seriously by someone who lies to you repeatedly, and not respected either.
Email me if you like, I would like to hear more, looking for similarities!

Answer 3

If your spouse won't tell the truth "even when separating becomes an option", then by all means start the separation proceedings. Get free legal advice, but do not put up with a chronic liar. He will not change. If he is secretive about the internet, then find a close friend who is very knowledgable to check your "cookies" when your husband is not home.

Answer 4

Would I be concerned? Hell yes. Been there. All I can say is that you're lucky that's all he lied to you about. You have absolutely no idea what my ex lied about. I wish it was only about a loan. There's different type of liars just like there's different types of lies. We've all lied at one time. The problem is the severity of the lie. Telling a cop you were speeding because you're late to work when it's really your day off is one type of lie. What your husband lied about is much worse. I have a feeling he won't change and even if he did, would you ever trust him again? That's what you need to ask yourself.

Answer 5

I dealt with a spouse like that by getting a divorce. Funny thing is, he still acts the same way...7 years later....with his new wife.

I tried everything from crying, to gathering proof and confronting to setting him up to threatening to leave and take the kids. Nothing worked, so I finally had enough and left. If my ex didn't learn his lesson from losing his wife and kids, I don't know what else would have worked.

You can either stay in the marriage and accept that he is what he is or you can move on and change your life for the better.

Answer 6

I used to be married to a lying spouse. Like you said, it doesn't matter what it is, they are still lying about something. You can actually set him up.
But at the end of the day, can you live with a liar for the rest of your life? You'll never know, when they tell the truth. I couldn't and got out of it.

Answer 7

Gosh why is it always the knee jerk response to go right to divorce? People life is not black or white - there is a fuzzy area in between where most of us live. Imagine this - what if they got help and truly worked on their issues? What if - big what if here - by doing this they both learned something about themselves? What if they overcame these tough issues and lived long lives of happiness and deeper love?

Yeah...I guess we'd all be dreaming lol! Give him an ultimatum: One more lie and he's kicked to the curb. Good luck.

Answer 8

The best way to deal with a lying spouse, is to divorce him.
I know, I've been there.
That is exactly what destroyed my marriage, the constant lying.
It was to the point that I think he even believed his own lies.
13 years, I just couldn't take it any more.
And I will never put up with another liar.

Answer 9

One could make a deal or at best deal some cards out and if you pick a king that means you are going to meet a terrific man in the near future.

Answer 10

I sure know how you feel,my hubby thinks as long as he is an avatar then it's not really him.I told him it all comes from that mind of his,yes maybe if you set him up he will stop.I have'nt got to catch him in a bad enough way for a divorce.I personally do not trust a man and what they are capable of doing.

Answer 11

just don't believe anything they say.
nothing, i mean nothing. if they say "i made some macaroni for dinner" just dont' believe it. stop getting on them about lying. just think to yourself EVERY time they say something "act like you really don't believe it" this worked pretty well for me. the person really wants to be believed, and they have to tell the truth a lot to earn back your trust.
the other component is figure out what is your role in the lying - do you yell or get angry or have a bad reaction when they do tell the truth? you have to make it really SAFE for the person to tell the truth.