Fathers of daughters.....?

Question

What type of man would you want your daughter to marry?
What traits and attitudes would you want him to have?
Would you hope they'd have a traditional marriage or a more contemporary one? Why?
Would you want to see her stay home with her kids or would you want to see her in a career?
Share your hopes and dreams for your daughters.

I'm actually surprised by the lack of responses Tera---I thought there were enough men here that they would step up and share thier views.

Answer 1

I try to set an example for them of the kind of person, should they decide to marry, that I would like to see as sons-in-law.

Strong, loving, wise, and principled. (I'm far from perfect, but every day that I wake up, those are my goals.)

Someone who loves them far more than himself. Who is highly principled, that is, he actually consistently lives what he says he believes. (We will never have to worry about what he will do in a given situation because he is a man of principle and always tries to do what is right).

A man who is strong, loyal, loving, spiritual, who *always* puts his wife and children's' needs *and* wants before his own, who is willing to make whatever personal sacrifice necessary to care for and protect his family, and able to handle crises and life's difficulties with wisdom, compassion, and calmness.

A man who had the common sense to, *prior* to having children, equip himself with the earning potential to provide for his family without assistance should my daughter chose to be a stay at home mom.

So, she will have the choice to raise the babies herself at home. (Though the maternal grandparents intend to make themselves available whenever needed - hopefully, the second choice with daycare, hopefully, being a last resort.)

I am equipping my daughters for life as independent individuals who do not need to be taken care of by a husband or her parents. I do not barrage them with the concept that they must get married. They understand that it is their choice.

From their earliest recollections and every day of their lives, they have experienced the love of a man. They are being taught to recognize when someone genuinely loves them and as long as I am around, they will never want for love and affection.

So, they are being taught to recognize when a man genuinely loves them more than he does himself, treats them with tender compassion, and puts her needs ahead of his own.

I am a firm believer that a girl's father has a great influence over the kind of person she choses to marry and I consider that fact every day. So, should they chose to marry, I believe that they will have high standards and be equipped to chose wisely.

My daughters are both being taught to be tri-lingual and early in life we have begun discussing what kind of work *they* want to do. They will be able to be self-sufficient; they will not need to marry should they chose not to.

Thus, should they decide to marry and bear children, they can chose to stay home with them or not. (They have seen that their father can provide for the family without assistance). So, they can target a man who has equipped himself with the necessary earning power to finance the family.

Answer 2

My husband is a DJ and runs into these situations all the time. First of all, stop stressing about this - it's your wedding day! Take a deep breath right now! Ok. That's better. :) First of all, who is giving you away? If it's an uncle or brother or close family friend, they would be the first, most obvious choice. If you're not being given away, just walking down the aisle yourself, then who says you even have to have the "father/daughter" dance?? There are no hard & fast rules here! Nobody HAS to have ANYTHING! If you really want to have a dance of some kind, it should be with someone you are very close to who has significant meaning in your life. I was at a wedding for a girl whose father had died and she had no brothers. So she danced with her mother! OR, if you are very close to your future father-in-law, and he wants to do it, he can dance with you. Just have the DJ announce that you will be having a special dance with your new father-in-law. I think that would be beautiful. And if you're not comfortable, or he's not comfortable with the idea, nix it. Bottom line is that this is your wedding day. Have it the way you want it. This is one of the most special days in your life, and probably the last day that will be all about you (and him) for a looooooong time. There should be nothing awkward about it. Enjoy it!

Answer 3

I only have sons, no daughters. However, I think I would want a hypothetical daughter to have the same values and options in life as I want my boys to to have. I hope that they will find partners who respect them and challenge them to learn about their world, and try to contribute to making this a slightly better place. I tend to prefer a "contemporary" woman myself, and guess that I would want a daughter of mine to strive to become educated and find a profession or passion to pursue too. It is good for kids to have a parent at home with them when they are young, but that is a job that can be split between the father and the mother. Most women today will not make a either/or choice between having a career and staying home with children. If they are lucky they will have the opportunity to stay home with very young children, and gradually go back to work as well. A lucky father will be able to take part in some home parenting as well. Being a father is certainly the best thing that has ever happened to me.

Answer 4

I've noticed you're not getting a whole lot of answers here from the men...lol! You ask a very profound question and I myself would like to hear the answers coming from men. When they are forced to look into how they would want their daughters to be treated, I think it opens up a lot of new thought and discussion into the topic of "how should a woman be treated." I think it's great that you asked this question. I hope a few men out there take the time to really think it through and answer you.

EDIT: The lack of male responses kind of makes me wonder. Maybe men have a very hard time trying to see "daughters" and "other women" in one category? In other words, what they may want for their daughters might conflict with ideas about what they themselves might want for a marriage partner for themselves....? (I hope that made sense...lol!) I, too, am amazed by the silence here.

Answer 5

The reason you are not getting many answers just may be that those reading have no daughters. I had 4 sons, 0 daughters, therefore I cannot answer this question with authority. It does not mean anything that you get few answers. Then again, maybe it is of no interest to many. Perhaps something else.

Stop reading into it something that is probably untrue.

I believe you'll find that most fathers want their daughters to be protected and loved. Other than that, men don't usually demand their daughters be treated better than she treats her husband. Mothers, on the other hand, do seem to do so.

Answer 6

My dad, like everyone else in my family, would like to see me marry the prototypical "nice Jewish boy" and have a career that I liked. He isn't too thrilled that I've decided never to marry.

Answer 7

I would want her to marry a man like myself, one who would love her with all his heart, provide for his family, help her as best he could. I would want him to have good values, be honest, industrious, patient, compassionate, fun, appreciative. I would not want someone who was abusive, mean, neglectful, selfish, chronic gambler, drunk, or druggie. I would more or less expect that they would choose their type of marriage, as it's theirs, not mine. Most of all, I would want her to marry a man that would be a good father to my grandchildren, nor would he want to alienate his family from his wife's extended family.

Answer 8

The more intelligent, educated, well-read, empathetic, realistic, mentally stable, mature, grown-up, responsible, kind, altruistic, loving, generous, cheerful, amusing, witty, competent, confident, talented, bright, determined, admired, respected, revered, sane, clever, brilliant, accomplished, modern, progressive

the better.
Never 'settle'...

Answer 9

I am the mother of a daughter, and I wouldn't want her to marry anyone. I know she will, but my opinion is that she shouldn't. Why? Because men, whether of the biological or step-father type, walk away from children quite easily. They seem to have no problem doing so. You can think the man is wonderful--even share a life for years with him--but he will still walk away from those children. I don't recommend anyone marry, quite frankly. Men tend to take such obligations as child-raising rather lightly, whereas women seem to have some form of life-long commitment to their children--in my experience, and that's what you're asking. I'm not a father, but I've played one in real life.