What do you consider cheating?

Question

I have been with my husband for 7 years and a woman at work KNEW he was married with kids and she kissed him. BOTH of them were writing letters, calling, but there was no sex involved. I am having a hard time getting over this and I want to beat her butt. I have made my husband's life a living h***l. He tells me he loves me and he always has but if he did how could he betray me like that? I ask him why and he tells me it was stupidity. I can't understand that answer. I keep aking what did I do? I really need some advice.

Answer 1

You did nothing wrong remember that, it has nothing to do with you, this is all on him and him alone. I hate when men and women say, you should have given him more sex or dinner or clean house or nicer to him etc,etc,etc. You could be the perfect wife but when you have women out there that want your man how can you fight that if you don't know about it, specially if your husband isn't play fair. I went through what you are right now and i can tell you it doesn't get any easier if your husband keeps giving you such a boggiest answer.He knows why he did it,we all have our reasons. You know why he did it,he find her attractive and he wanted something she had. You just NEED to hear him say it to you but he never will he'll just go on saying he was stupid and don't know why. If you want to know ask the girl she will be more then happy to tell you what they did. Believe me i know how it hurts to think your husband the man you love and respect did this to you. Everyday i tell women on here that you can never trust your husband because he will brake your heart some time in your marriage they don't want to believe that. Every wife thinks she has the one who will never hurt her because he loves her and because he told her he would never hurt her. I'm sure you felt that way before all this happened ,he went through all this for one reason to sleep with her. You do know the odds are he did sleep with her and the only way you will ever no is if she tells you. It's easier to believe him then to think he actually did had sex with her,if that is what it takes to get through this then that is what you do after all it's your marriage.

Answer 2

First of all cheating is not having sex... cheating is anything that you do that you would not tell your spouse about. It's about the intentions and feelings involved.

Kiss I think is cheating, letters and phone calls where they share intimate thoughts and feelings is also cheating.

I don't think you should kick her butt, or make your husbands life a living hell... I think that a person can love you and still make a mistake. Sometimes a marriage goes into routines and downs that like everything if you don't invest time and maintenance into it, you will loose the passion and leave you wanting something from anyone who will give you attention.

i think that if you love your husband you should try to make your marriage work. as long as he is also willing and tries to earn your trust again. It's hard road, but with the help of God anyone can do it. I suggest maybe even going to a pastor or marriage ministry for counseling.

You didn't do anything... don't let the devil accuse you and confuse you! By thinking it was you, you are just making the problem worse by creating a wall of resentment between you and your husband. The best thing you could do is counseling, only that way you can understand his feelings that led him up to a stupid decision.

Answer 3

First of all, yes, that is cheating! Anything that you wouldn't feel comfortable doing or saying in front of your spouse is inappropriate behavior. I am very sorry to hear of your situation, especially since there are children involved. THat just makes the situation harder. I would recommend that the two of you seek marriage counsling or talk to your pastor; if you have one. You both need to be on the same page about working through this as soon as you can. I am sure that he has said he is sorry and he is embarrased and ashamed and the only thing he wants right now is for you to forgive him and let it go... but he needs to understand that you can't until you know for sure that he gets how hurt, betrayed, upset and devastated that you are about this whole ordeal. THe first step to doing so is seeking some form of counsling. Another thing you need to do is stop asking yourself 'what did I do?' because I am sure you did nothing. When either spouse cheats it's a very selfish deed that he or she commits for some personal reason or another, but it's never ok to break you marriage vows even if you did something! If there was or is some kind of problem, then it should have been worked out before he decided to step out of the marriage. I can't tell you what I think of his co-worker because as a wife and mother, it wouldn't be very nice. I do hope you find some sort of resolution and support, not just for you but for your children. Good luck!

Answer 4

This question is difficult as it's happened once, and it looks like the woman was the one that kissed him. Now, in my mind any man that will cheat and continue to cheat on his girlfriend/wife are scum, but I do believe it is appropriate to give him one more chance.

Now you did nothing, he was the one that faltered, you could not of foreseen it nor caused it. Now if there was no sex and all they're doing is talking to one another, it sounds like they're just being friends. But if he continues to actually have a relationship where they may date then he's probably still doing it. Right now I'd say give him a second chance, and if he continues then you have something to think about, because 7 years is quite a bit of time to make up for, if you had children then I would say it would be harder. I would recommend a marraige counselor.

Also lay down the law, if you feel this woman is a threat to your marraige and you feel he will cheat then tell him under no circumstances do you want him to even see her. I'm sure that if he really loves you, it may strike him as hard, and it may take him some time, but if he loves you he will agree not to see her again. He may even agree to marraige counseling. I do hope that helps you

Answer 5

In marriage emotional cheating is cheating and certainly a kiss is very dangerous. Too much is at stake and too many people/wife/kids can be hurt. You have every right to be "crazy" I consider "crazy" normal in this circumstances.

This is not jr. high and someone wrote your crush a love note. This is the big time!

You did nothing to cause him to act this way.

I know it is hard to think that but truly you cannot make someone have an affair. it is all about him and her. If he was unhappy he had to communicate to you if there was a problem. How could you fix something you did not know was a problem. Thankfully it did not go any further than a kiss and he came to his senses. I hope you can heal and move past this with or without him. Seek counseling.
Best wishes

Answer 6

First of all you didn't do anything wrong. Second, we all have stupidity at one time or another in our lives. Third, if his stupidity started with a kiss and then went to writing letters and calling but you're being told there was no sex--someone is lying to you. Fourth, to go out and kick her butt--try doing that to your husband. Fifth, he knew right from wrong in the beginning and you can't blame the other person. Sixth, we were all taught the word "NO". Seventh, he cheated.

Answer 7

He had an emotional affair. I think that is more threatening to a marriage then a physical affair. You two need to work on becoming emotionally closer or it will happen again eventually. Maybe not with the same woman, but with someone else he thinks understands him. I'm not saying you aren't a wonderful wife, but it sounds like you two may have both been taking your relationship for granted. That is when a marriage is ripe for the picking for a woman who wants to dig her way into your husband's life. You can't fight all the women who will try this. It is much easier to work on making your marriage more intimate and sacred to your husband. Good luck! You can do it!

Answer 8

Lusting for another person when you are married is considered cheating to me. That means emotional and physical. He probably doesn't have a real answer for why he cheated. I guess the only thing you can do is decide if you want to work things out. But going to the job and beating the woman's butt is not going to help. If anything it will get you put in jail and a court case to go with that.

Answer 9

I believe that it is cheating. Whether there was sex involved or not. I went through exactly what you are going through. Unfortunately, I did not find out about it until sex was involved. If he really hasn't slept with her, I would advise you and your husband to see a marriage counselor, to find out why he feels the need to be "involved" with this woman. You did nothing wrong. I don't care what is happening in a marriage, there is never an excuse to cheat. If there is a problem, let the other person know about it. I wish you luck!

Answer 10

Would you write letters, call another man and kiss another man and not consider that cheating? I don't think so.

You are resentful of him and her, and you have every right to be. I would seek counseling if you want to try to get over it, or seek a divorce attorney if you don't think you can get over it.

He is not taking responsibility for his actions by the way. "Stupidity" is not a good answer. Everything about the way he is acting (according to the limited knowledge I have) tells me he's very likely to do this again. It just doesn't sound to me like he's sorry.