myspace & my husband?

Question

My husband had a myspace account and all his friends were women of various sexual orientation and I questioned him on his choices (he's in his 40's, I'm 32 ).He said they were friends. I found out that he was sending them inapporiate messages for a man who is married with 3 kids . We have argued over myspace on various occasions. He cancled his account stating his wife was a ***** she didn't want him to have any friends. He even deleted family members which was why we got myspace in the first place. I recently found out that he has a new account with my space where he list himself as in a relationship and as not being married. He has also started collecting girls and has no family members on this site..........I don't know what to do since I found this out by snooping in his computer because I did not trust him. we have 3 kids and I think what he is doing is wrong. Am I being too uptight and should I be snooping???? I just want to do what is right for my family.

thanks for the many responses. To ans some ques. I do have a my space account. My husband has the password and login in info so he can look . I have friends and family members on it and I got a few friend....mostly females and 1 guy. I do screen my friends because of the bs going on and I am very particular on my choices since I am a strainght froward person. I don't do sexual comments and I am more concerned in the spiritual aspect of life the materialist aspect of it and I strongly believe that their should be nothing in my site that my kids can't see if they walk in and mom is on the computer. Some1 mention hubby may not be getting what he wants at home hence the reason, he looking else where you are right. I am not into porn etc. I also have no family and am a homemaker and there has been a history of insults by hub in marriage. He wants a clean house, hot meal everyday and a slim wife (was slim b/f 3 kids) we fight over this many times hence I am more reservein my affection.

Answer 1

Ok, Question for you... Do you really want to figure out what is going on? Or do you just want a pat on the back and to be told your right?

Here's the thing, depending on the viewpoint that you take, you both are wrong.

Guys do need friends, this is true, should they be female friends, probably not. Quite simply men do need someone they can shoot the breeze with that is not thier wife, the wife has certain expectations of him and a man will need someone not involved directly with the relationship to talk to, just as you have come here to talk to us about this problem.

Now on to the myspace thing, i can tell you right now it was not his intention to cheat. No, It's simple the first one he was doing in plain sight. When you reacted the way you did about that account, he created a second account and said he was in a relationship (i know you want to freak out because he said didn't say he was married, but let that go), in otherwords he is letting people know right off that he is taken.

Now as to why he is interacting with other women, there is a pretty good chance that he is interested in some other form of "Sexual interaction" that you are not providing. Probably was embarrased about it, and was looking for ways to satisfy his needs without actually cheating. You will have to figure out what this is, and decide weather or not you want to be involved in that type of interaction.

It's also possible that the home environment is feeling a bit oppresive for him, and he is seeking a way to escape from it for a short time. I mean really he could have been going to a bar, or some other thing. Now the reason he created the second one is simply he was needing something and you freaked out about the first one, so he got rid of it to make you happy.

Are you being a bit uptight about this? Probably. Should you be snooping? Yes, but not for the reasons that you are. Here's the thing, your snooping because you are afraid that he is cheating on you or that you believe he is going to cheat on you. That is just as good as accusing him of cheating, which i guarantee will be the fastest way to tick him off. However if your snooping because you want to figure out what is going on in order to find out what the problem is and work towards a resolution then it is ok.

Personally i think the two of you need to sit down and talk about this, and find out if this is because he has certain sexual desires that you are not fullfilling for him and that he is embarrassed about. Or if it is simply because the weight of the world is pressing down on him, and for some reason he isn't getting the type of response out of you that he is needing.

I always hated the people that just flat out say seek counseling, becuase that is such easy advice to give someone.. However in this case i would suggest that the two of you seek marriage counseling.. Don't approach him with the attitude that "I want to fix you" approach him with the concern that there is a problem in the marriage and that you wish to seek a way to resolve the problem. Don't be accusational.

Answer 2

I was in a similar situation myself at one time. I tried voicing my opinions and he would just sneak around even more. We eventually were able to stay together, and he is now not doing what he was, but it took me leaving for him to see that he was wrong. I would suggest marriage counseling, if he will go. Since we went through it, I learned that he didn't want to cheat, it was a thrill that someone still thought he was all that... Maybe that will help ease your mind for now, until you can get to the bottom of everthing... You are doing nothing wrong, you have every right to be concerned how it will affect your family.. good luck to you!

Answer 3

He is a liar. He threw a tantrum when you called him on his BS. He is NOT just friends with these women. He is NOT acting like a responsible husband and father who loves his family.

Why are you putting yourself, him and the kids through this drama?

Tell him that you will file for divorce if he even so much as thinks of MySpace again. If he does it again, then you need to walk away.

It takes two to make a good marriage and I don't think he is very willing to try. He will keep doing this as long as you let him get away with it.

Answer 4

I think because of the circumstances you have all rights to be doing what your doing. Although, you need to ask yourself why you are trying to get him to stop when he obviously doesn't want to. If he is willing to say mean things about you and go behind your back to open another account then why are you still with him. If you ever have to snoop around because of the person that your with, then you shouldn't be with him. Children are no reason to stay. Their father can explain why you are not together anymore

Answer 5

my b/f done then same thing,but now has cancled his too..but i found out not by snooping...he was on the puter when i was at home and i saw it ...then i started snooping and have found other things that is much worse..but i don't think u are being uptight and i would confront him about it..ya'll are married and he needs to relize that.. just try and talk to him about it..ask him if he would care if you had one and had other guy's on there and talked to them...switch it around and see how he like's it.....i hope everything works out for u...

Answer 6

Your not wrong to worry, you have already proved that he is playing games on the net. I think you should maybe talk to a counselor, pastor, or trusted friend. Apparently he needs something he thinks he is missing and is cruising for it. Maybe a little of a mid life crisis? You need to decide what is best for you, and work toward making life for you and your children happy. Maybe he will come around maybe he wont, but this is not about you or anything you did, so dont for one minute think this is because of something your not doing. This is about him and maybe his low self esteem. Good luck. I hope it works out.

Answer 7

No, you're not being too uptight. He needs to be appropriate with people that he talks to. He also needs to respect you. You have children together. I think you need to have a serious talk with him where he actually hears what you're saying and understands the reason why you are not comfortable with him having this account. I side with you 100%. I believe you are justified in your actions and your opinions.

Answer 8

Obviously he has a problem.
He wants to look for and at other women.
For him to call you an A****, he is being disrespectful.
To say that he is "in a relationship" is further disgusting, he's denying you AND misleading other women!!!!
Kick him out girl!!!
I suggest he goes to see a therapist, if you even want to keep him.

Answer 9

Your family deserves a father who is honest, faithful and respectful. This guy isn't. He's disregarding your wishes and going behind your back. If he doesn't like the fact that you snoop, tell him you don't like the fact he sneaks!

Answer 10

He's trying to meet women with whom he can cheat on you! He wants to sleep around. Maybe he still wants to keep his marriage and have his recreation on the side. He needs a reality check if you want your marriage to continue!