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I am a 17 year old girl. I hear all of these stories about young men and women who were in love and got married, but then divorced. As a young woman, i have dreams of marriage and i want to know the difference between the couples who have married young and have long lasting marriages and those who were married young and then divorced. What were the main reasons for unsucessful marriages aswell as the reason your marriage is successful.

2007-08-09 14:41:04 · 24 answers · asked by Who's Your Buddie 2 in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

24 answers

i was 18 when i married and in love... thought my husband was, it seems he loved other women too... we had three kids, and we divorced...
i married again 7-7-07... i love him, and he loves me... i am very happy!
marriage is a huge committment...

2007-08-09 14:45:18 · answer #1 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 0 0

Well I was 17 when i met the man i married. We married when I was 21. The marriage lasted 17 years, but it was not happy for many years before that. I too had dreams of this wonderful life and having kids and living happily ever after, but it didn't turn out that way, and now that I am older I know why. All the reasons it didn't work were signs I should have seen before I married him, but I was young and inexperienced and thought they would change when we got married (which of course they didn't) and then I still held the same expectations of change when we had a child (which of course didn't change a thing) In the end the same dis-functional things he did before we were married continued throughout the marriage and I eventually fell out of love with him and drifted apart. So if I could give u any piece of advice it would be to know that the person the guy is BEFORE u marry him is the person he will always be. So if there are signs of things u don't like or agree with think to yourself if u can honestly see yourself living with that the rest of your life. Make sure u have the same goals and ethics and dreams in life so u can grow "together" as a couple and not drift apart. Don't just follow your heart, u need to follow your instincts too. I wish u good luck in finding your true love. :-)

2007-08-09 21:49:57 · answer #2 · answered by Amber 6 · 2 0

I was 29 when I got married, so I had a realistic view of marriage, and life in general. I also went cheap for my wedding, because I didn't want stress and wanted to relax. This is a huge problem with brides, because they want everything perfect and thus drive their groom and everyone else crazy. Many couples were way too young. It's best to wait until 25 or so. Many say they trusted in God, but ignored the warning signs. So no ignoring any warning signs. Marriage isn't what changes people. Even single people change. People talk about how they only want to shack up because the divorce rate is high, yet there are twice as many shack ups that break up versus those that got married getting divorced.

2007-08-09 22:33:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I'm 31 years old and I've done a lot of living for someone my age. I've been married and now pretty much divorced (monday it's final). We got married when we were 22 years old. We thought it'd be the right thing to do since we already had a son. BAD MISTAKE. The marriage was in trouble only 2 years later. I would say it was more me than him. I still had things I hadn't yet experienced and we started growing apart. He began to be unhappy in the marriage as well due to the emotional distance between us. Bottom line. We were too young. Our lives weren't yet settled both financially and emotionally. I don't regret getting married that young, as it taught me a lot of who I am and who I really want to marry. I walked away with knowledge. I don't think it's impossible for young couples to have a lasting marriage, granted there will be troubles along the way like any relationship but it's the integrity and commitment and faith that keeps them together. I'm pretty much single now. I still would like to be married again some day. Especially now that I've already lived through one marriage...I know what to expect and what to do to make it a successful one. It's all about communication, understanding, flexibility, and working together not against eachother. Especially when you hit those tough times.

2007-08-09 22:02:09 · answer #4 · answered by glittereyedg 4 · 0 0

Those that married young and had a long lasting marriage - were not of this decade. You usually find those from the 40's - 50's and 60's. They had the highest respect for each other and never went to bad mad. Alcohol use was at a minimum. Drug use was none non-existent.

Married young and a short marriage - excessive alcohol use, excessive drug use, mental and/or physical and/or emotional abuse. Also one or both were looking for greener pastures. Money went for alcohol and/or drugs = couldn't pay the rent. High sex drives and a lack of experience at that age may lead to infidelity.
ETC -

Reading your question, I would never have guessed you were 17. You write like a college student +. You can see where married young and divorced is going. If I were you I wouldn't even let that noun "marriage" enter my mind until I graduated from college.

2007-08-09 22:12:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I married young because I got pregnant. BIIG mistake! He was abusive, financially a wreck, never kept a job, lied about lying and cheated with anything that would let him.

We divorced and the only regret I have there is that I did not leave him sooner.

I am now happily remarried to a wonderful man that I adore.

So, to the advice part...

1. NEVER marry just because you have a child.
2. NEVER marry thinking you can change or fix the person.
3. Understand that marriage takes work and that you will not be happy 100% of the time.
4. Before you marry, make sure you agree on the important things like finances, sex, children, home ownership etc.
5. Only marry someone you love who also loves you.
6. Look at the whole picture and make sure the actions of your interest also match his words.
7. Communicate openly and honestly with love and trust.
8. Sense of humor is important. Its better to laugh than it is to cry.
Good Luck!

2007-08-09 21:52:23 · answer #6 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 2 0

I think marriage is a huge commitment; and not everyone is up to the challenge! Don't get me wrong- I believe in marriage and fidelity and monogamy- but I also think marriage is not for everyone. Some people just don't have what it takes to make it work...and many people marry for the wrong reasons!

I think many people get married too young, too fast, and have too many unrealistic expectations. Unfortunately, the ones who pay the price of the adults' mistakes are the children...the innocent ones.

We should never marry because we feel lonely, or because we want someone else to make us happy. We should marry because we are convinced that this other person loves and respects and cherishes us just as we do for him/her.
Ask God to help you and guide you, so you can choose well in the future. Use your heart, but also your brains. Good luck!

2007-08-09 21:57:22 · answer #7 · answered by Nena S 6 · 1 0

I married at 19 and just celebrated my 11 year anniversary last month.

The key to my marriage is always showing my hubby that I love him, respect him, appreciate him and he does the same.

We have had our tough times, but we have also had a lot of good times and a lot of special memories that we hold very dear to our hearts.

We also spend quality time with one another, have open communication, unwaivering trust in one another, and solid dedication to each other and our marriage.

I know the divorce rate is high these days, however, there are those of us who marry young and stay together.

Best of luck and don't let the divorce rate keep you from finding marital happiness.

2007-08-09 21:46:15 · answer #8 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 2 0

Rule number one make sure this is the person you love dont marry for money,status,or pregnancy.Make sure that you have met your soulmate.Rule two once u marry that person DO NOT let money,kids,house hold chores or any other insignificant silly thing ruin your love for each other because you fight about it.Those things put a strain on your marriage only if you let it,so pretty much don't sweat the small stuff.Rule three never think the grass is greener on the other side because its not you are just bored and need something exciting in your life this is when you need to speak to your husband and tell him you need to help each other spice things up a bit.Thats all it takes.My short story,got married to wrong person.He was ten years older.I was knocked up thought it was the right thing to do but didn't love him.He promised to take care of me so I thought I would grow to love him.I was very young and marriage went down hill quick and I met someone else and lost my daughter because of it.I see her every other weekend because of my stupid actions.So please make sure it is right because you don't want to go down that road......I am happily married to my soulmate now.

2007-08-09 21:51:24 · answer #9 · answered by samwise25 4 · 2 0

For the most part, it all has to do with commitment. Too many people give up at the first sign of trouble. Every marriage has problems, it's just a matter of how dedicated you are to work through those problems or whether you will just give up and walk out. Granted there are some extinuating circumstances, but in my opinion, based on the divorces I have seen, this applies to most ...

2007-08-09 21:49:53 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 1 0

There are a few things a person can do before getting married to help insure it will work.....however nothing is guaranteed.....

wait until you've lived a bit as a single person

get as much formal education as you can, preferably finish college

don't have children before you get married

don't forget to use your head when you fall in love

you don't want someone with too much baggage

you not just love the person you also respect him

you get pre-marital counseling

you remember the marriage is much more important than the wedding

2007-08-09 21:47:34 · answer #11 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 3 0

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