(trying something different *^_^*)
Under Swelters Swamp
What layed down beneath O'l Swalter some say
Was an old Swamp Hag some think lingers today
Old folk tales of horror and spellcasting past
Was she burnt, did she drown in her hades at last?
My Grand Ma-ma spoke of the times way back when
The old Swamp Hag of Swalter was her only friend
As the town of Swalter was stricken by fever
She left to get Swamp Hag but, the town folk said leave her
Grand Ma-ma made plans to sneak out of sight
Through thunderous storms on the darkest of nights
Grand Ma caught the fever though knowing not then
O'l Swamp Hag brewed up powerful medicine
Grand Ma rushed back to the people in care
But when she arrived, all were lined up and stared
'Punishment by drowning!' the towns people declared
She was whisked to the fountain and drowned in town square
2007-08-09 14:30:07 · 9 answers · asked by ? 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Convicted of treason, a most horrable crime
Murdered before she could speak up this time
She had carried a satchel of pure fever cure
That had spilt in the fountain and mixed with the water
Swalter's fever got better though they knew not how
Cloud free sunny days rested over their town
Til one day grew dark and each day darker drag
'Twas the spirits Of Grand Ma-ma and the old Swamp Hag
What layed down beneath O'l Swalter some say
Was an old Swamp Hag some think lingers today
Old folk tales of horror and spellcasting past
Was she burnt, did she drown in her hades at last?
2007-08-09 14:30:40 · update #1
Wow!
2007-08-09 15:33:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hmmm, needs lots of editing. Also, is it "swalters" or "swelters"? also, "laid", not "layed". Watch your beats, they're too few in some places, too many in others. Also, you're forcing your rhymes at times and making awkward sentences in an effort to keep the rhyme (but you lose the rhythm and the sentence doesn't work when it sounds forced).
It's a good story, you just need to edit it like an old Swamp Hag needed fixin :)
keep writing...keep editing...I liked the storyline
2007-08-16 16:31:35 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
double wow my gosh that the best one Ive read today! I really loved it, and it had great rhythm and flow. Like a pleasant story that can keep hold of a childs attention. Sounds like something I would read to my neice and like a good story only its a poem. This really is a great poem,Keep Writting!
2007-08-10 06:12:04 · answer #3 · answered by Sh00ting_St@r! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shad,
This is awesomely written out
and without any doubt
the many things it talks about
something different
but it talks about a swamp being a friend
since way back when
as well as thunderstorms
2007-08-10 03:44:42 · answer #4 · answered by sweet_blue 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That was a great peom. And it really annoying to know how ignorant people were in those days and even yet they were always ready to cast blame. Nice peom though.
I'll like you to participate in my little contest. Just need some creative answers
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AtclXdyd79lmWDFmwbWLaVVp.Bd.?qid=20070809193702AAlcy3g
2007-08-09 16:28:54 · answer #5 · answered by LiveLuv&Laugh 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
the place human beings booze and chuck chunder? No. Sorry, your question evoked innovations of a energetic Aussie lass at our place of work. She had quite a few greater or much less tasteful sayings. Rose P.
2016-11-11 21:57:42 · answer #6 · answered by gracely 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The meter is all weird, doesn't complement the rhyme.
2007-08-10 03:50:29 · answer #7 · answered by joezen777 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow ! Wow ! Wow ! CSI
2007-08-10 06:43:35 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is down under is mostly desert... With a few swampy areas or wet lands........................................................
2007-08-09 22:51:55 · answer #9 · answered by kilroymaster 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋