What would be concidered a perfect murder?

Question

(hypathetical people kk? *^_^*)


Perfect Murder?

'Thinkin
blinkin’
sometimes winkin’
Oh my G*d!
What is that stinkin?'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Down in the cellar
did they find,
Year old blood spatter,
matter from minds?
Tids and strips
flesh rotted bits?
Scattered hair
tossed everywhere?
~
I say they did
A couldn’t miss
Yes certainly I
alone did this
All those fools
under My nails
Such wasted lives
they did entail
~
But, who? Yes, who?
Better than I
To commit
the perfect crime?
No one ever!
My secrete advice
To make all weapons
Yes, out of ice!
~
That d*mn girl scout
couldn’t get right
A friggin’ order for
cookies that night
And the mail I get,
'WELL,IT'S NOT MINE!'
But, that has changed,
I rid his kind!
~

Yes, the bully
down the street
I plum knocked him
off his feet!
Then hauled them all
down out of sight
To finish off
In sheer delight
~
A chunk of ice,
bashed In their heads
Surprising though,
not all were dead
The biggest “cicle”
ever seen,
was used to stab
and come out clean!
~
DNA left
all around
but, as for me,
not to be found
The cops, they came
and went again
Just can't track down
This crafty man

~
No finger prints
were there to lift
No murder weapon
accurate
For it had all
melted away
That’s why I’m
running free today....

Answer 1

quite the imagination,one must say.
what would be considered the perfect murder?
would that not be suicide,whereas,the victim remains,,,,alive?

cool story you wrote.

d.

Answer 2

Well...a little odd...rhymes are forced though. You could have changed the line breaks so you ended up with couplets, but that wouldn't have corrected all the prolems. I think the biggest problem is the length. I understand that there are some interesting situations that you wanted to raise, but you would have been more clever to combine them into a single verse, something that said, "mailman, girl scout, lawn boy too, that bully and his buddy, just to name a few" or something like that instead of dragging it on and on. A weapon of ice...too much info! Why? Because it would have been better if the audience did NOT know the secret to your success... it's like a magician telling everyone how he did an illusion...we want to know only because we know you won't tell us...so don't tell us!

I'd recommend you do a full rewrite with consolidation in mind. Watch out for the forced rhyme! You can help yourself out with this by putting down words that match the meaning or surround the topic of what you're trying to say in any given line. Rather than pick a single word and then finding a match, try letting the choices decide what the end words will be by letting all the choices sort themselves out?

In any event, good luck, I look forward to seeing the revision...keep writing

Answer 3

Have you read The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold? It talks about committing the perfect murder with an icicle, like in your poem.

Really really amazing book, btw.

Answer 4

Very nice Shad. Good Hitchcock feel. On Hitchcock's weekly episodic show, he did one where a woman murdered her husband with a frozen leg of lamb, and then cooked it and served it to the investigating officers.

That's what your poem reminded me of.

I liked it.

Answer 5

You need to copyright your stuff before you put it on here, one day you may be riding down the road listening to some of your writings and have no claim to it!

Answer 6

One in which you leave no trace. No body. No tools. No evidence. No connection.

Answer 7

WOW.............I like