In 14 years of marriage she has walked out 4 times. The time before this resulted in an afair. Each time she left the bills were all behind&the house was 2 months late this time . Each time I chased her and wanted her back, I Know it is diffrent this time I dont have any chase left in me . We have been together since we were teens . I have made excuses for her every time, Now I feel like there are none. She just plain dont love me? I Would not have divorced her over money . We have a home & three boys the youngest just starting elementary the oldest high school. She left them with me & we are doing fine, maybe better. She was not taking care of the kids or our house the way she should have for a stay at home mom! I wish Idid not love her but I do. I hope she stays gone , but she wont when it gets to tough she will look for old faithful.
2007-08-09 13:45:42 · 22 answers · asked by Hot Rod 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well I hope old faithful is dried up !!!! you can do it by yourself... apparently much better than with her........ Why would you want her back??? It causes an emotional rollercoaster for the children.... why dont you make it a much more stable place, and let her rot out there...... Beside she could bring you alot more than you bargain for if you let her come home again.......... Like AIDS or a disease....... get real here, think for yourself and your kids, do NOT think about her..... she doesnt think anything about you .........
2007-08-09 13:51:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You said you love her why not turn that love towards your children and you....love you and the children and keep doing what you are doing. Seems like you can provide more of a normal and stable life for them without her. Your children deserve to have their father a whole person then a mother that takes up and runs off at the drop of a dime. Let her know as a father understanding that they need a mother she will not disrupt their lives again, and mean it when you say it. Don't except this behaviour, and let her back in the kids and your life, only to leave again when she feels the need. Don't allow this mess in your children's lives for it will only destroy what you have tried to build as a good parent. She doesn't care about you or the kids, if she did no good mother or wife would put their family under these hurtful, mean spirited and selfish way. You can do this with gods help,raise your boys to love their mother, but right now she can't take care of them, and that you will. God Bless and keep your head high, there is no reason to look down, Pray for strength as I will pray for you.
2007-08-09 21:23:04 · answer #2 · answered by carmel 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good to love someone but in the same sense, don't be stupid about it.
What are you missing about her?
It sounds like she's been nothing but a nightmare.
I'm sure she had her good points (as we all do), but for a woman to up and leave her children?
That is a very selfish person.
How can anyone love someone that would do that to their own children?
She wasn't looking out for what was best for you or her children, she was only looking out for her and what she wanted.
Ask yourself this, why would you even still want to be with her?
Like you said, you and the boys are doing fine, maybe even better.
Just concentrate on your boys and yourself.
Those boys need you now more than ever, knowing their own Mother just wanted to up and leave them.
That has to be very hurtful, even if they're not expressing it.
People only treat us the way we "let" them treat us.
Stop letting her use you as a doormat.
You will be better off without her.
Just try it.
And when she comes crying back, tell her the door is no longer a "revolving" door!
2007-08-09 21:04:41 · answer #3 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. At least you are realizing that this marriage is no more. Change the locks so that when she comes looking for 'old faithful', she'll get the hint that leaving 4 times is about all you'll take. If your boys are doing well with you under the circumstances, please look into your legal options, file for divorce and full custody. You may love her but it's clear she has issues and you or your boys are not a priority. Please take care of yourself, get therapy if you need to - no harm in it - and just try to make the best of it. Easier said than done, I know but it's all you've got right now. Best of luck to you!
2007-08-09 21:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by Empress1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is depressed. (Take it from someone who has been there!) She needs to speak with a therapist or counselor, something. That is why she is not taking care of the bills, house, kids, you. She is so focused on herself right now, that she can't care for the above. She may love you and the kids, but when depressed, her focus is totally on herself.
If she comes back, I would give her an ultimatium. Seek help or she isn't coming back. Do not let her back until she has completed at least 6 months of help. This may include marriage counsel. DO IT if you want your family back. Do what it takes, but do not put your family in harms way to have your wife. Be the adult.
2007-08-09 20:56:05 · answer #5 · answered by ajnotyega 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay strong and move on without her, don't look back. I know it's hard b/c you love her and you had a long marriage, but the fact is that she's gone and b/c she wanted to leave - you deserve better than that. You deserve someone who will love you and treat you well and not run away and look for someone else and then come running back when times get tough. Don't allow her to use you. If you have to keep in touch with her for the kids' sake then keep your conversations short and don't let your emotions get the better of you. Good luck :)
2007-08-09 20:52:37 · answer #6 · answered by needstoknow 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about this...Normally it's the man who walks out on the wife and kids! She sounds either confused or selfish.
I guess you must love each other in some weird way....If you have been through this before and you are still together, then you are the only ones who know what is really going on.
Have you considered going to counseling? By yourself, so you can try to analyze what is making you stay in this relationship? Perhaps a trained professional could help you see what your issues are....
But... I feel sorry for the kids...That's not "normal" and they will be affected by this. Good luck.
2007-08-09 20:54:03 · answer #7 · answered by Nena S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You got together in your teens and she had to do her growing up AFTER becoming a mother and wife. She was too immature for that responsibility and couldn't cope with it. No doubt her self-esteem is through the floor, as she must feel extremely guilty for leaving her kids.
Yes, she has treated you and the children very badly, but she sounds immature, unhappy and confused, rather than just plain selfish. She needs to sort herself out through counselling in the short term, and in the long term she needs to develop herself through education and establishing a career. Whether your marriage can survive that long is doubtful.
In the meantime, those children urgently need stability and emotional security! You have to be the strong one for now and put their needs first. You're still young and when the children are older you can have a life of your own.
2007-08-09 21:08:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't kid yourself. You don't love her, how can you love such a person! What is it that you love about her? Maybe you are just holding on to something that was there at one point but is no longer there now. You are enabling her that is what you are doing. You need to get out of this relationship for your sake and your kids. What kind of example are you giving them? Do you want them to follow your example when they grow up and let some skanky woman step all over them? If you have any dignity left in you, then you need to let her go before she shreds it all to pieces. Don't let your sons watch their father like this. It is hurting them more than you know. Be a father and stay strong! Don't let them be the parent in this situation, it is not fair for them. You know that she is not changing, just look at her pattern! Be a man!
2007-08-09 20:57:31 · answer #9 · answered by greysfan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because you have let her come back 3 times, so she thinks she can do it again. You have to think if you and the boys are better off without her. If so, contact a divorce lawyer. But beware, the woman often gets the house, kids, and child support, so you will need to have concrete evidence that she is financially irresponsible, negligent in care of the kids, etc.
2007-08-09 20:50:15 · answer #10 · answered by Stimpy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I normally never suggest divorcing someone when you have kids involved, but in this case, I'd say it was for the best. These kids need to live with you full-time; file for sole-custody. It's so sad for the kids. It is mean of her to walk-out on them over and over again. They are going to think it's something they are doing. I'd recommend them getting into some kind of child counseling for awhile also to help them deal with divorce and mom. In the long run,it'll be for the best. You are just mourning the woman you wish she was and not the woman she really is.
2007-08-09 21:21:23 · answer #11 · answered by philosophy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋