My wife and I are at an impasse about our three year old daughter's bedtime routine. The routine itself is something we can manage if we can agree on how to handle it, but the real issue is that my wife thinks I'm doing it all wrong and she won't back me up. My approach works just fine when she isn't around, but of course it will never work as long as she undermines it. The kid seems to understand that and plays us against each other.
So here's my question: what's a fair way to prevent my wife from undermining my parental authority? I had a talk with her, and made no progress getting her to agree to back me up. I'm considering refusing to participate in the bedtime routine until she agrees to work with me, but I know that will just piss her off. What to do?
2007-08-09 12:35:13 · 6 answers · asked by rainfingers 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Short of pissing her off, the only other option you have is to tell your wife that you will take on the responsibility of the bedtime routine and no longer wish to have her assistance.
If your daughter is learning to undermine you at this age, you are in for a LONG, HARD road as she gets older.
What you need to do is tell your wife that you need to agree to disagree and move forward from this point. If you are doing what is in the best interest of your daughter, then don't have second thoughts. The thing is, if you two can not agree on something as simple as bedtime, you are doomed when it comes to making mutual decisions concerning your daughter in the future. Explain to your wife that although she may not always agree with you or support your decisions 100% she still needs to let your daughter know that you two are on the same page. If she doesn't agree, then she needs to remove herself from the situation and allow you to handle it (as long as it's in the best interest of your child) and vice versa.
Stand your ground! Best of luck.
2007-08-09 12:43:22 · answer #1 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For heaven's sake, what are you 12?! Your wife thinks you're doing it all wrong. You think she's doing it all wrong. Some sort of compromise has to be reached. Does her routine work when you're not around? If it does, then you're being as unreasonable and undermining as she is. If it doesn't, then you two need to sit down and discuss what the bedtime routine is going to be, compromise (as long as it works), and put the new plan into effect, each backing the other up.
To refuse to participate in the bedtime routine is as childish as....well, the child who plays one parent against the other. Explain that you feel undermined in a non-argumentative manner and talk the issue through. Perhaps she feels undermined in other areas, and that's provoking the refusal to try your bedtime techniques.
Communication is the way to solve this, not playing games.
2007-08-09 13:04:51 · answer #2 · answered by circe 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah,either you will be pissed or she will be pissed.you guys are gonna have to compromise,however dont fuss in front of the baby,because like you said,she will start playing you both.
2007-08-09 12:43:14 · answer #3 · answered by sleepy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell us your routine, and let us decide if it is reasonable or not. I need to know that to decide whether I would back you up either.
2007-08-09 12:38:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You need to have some backbone. If your kids don't listen to you you need some major parenting lessons.
2007-08-09 13:03:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Marriage counseling...this is a recording...beep..beep
2007-08-09 12:38:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋