My husband and i got in an argument because he was at the bar and instead of coming home he went to a mutual couples house that we hang out with. well, he decided to go out with the girl friend while the guy friend stayed home. I did not know this because he would not answer his phone. i just happened to call my girl friend to see if he was with the guy friend. she did not answer the first time either. well i called her again and she said that they were on there way to the bar. I became irrate and told him to come home. She refused to bring him home because they were almost there and she already had these plans. So, I went to the bar to confront him after yelling at him I left and they still continued to stay at the bar and party together until 1:30am. They both said they thought it would be ok because we are all friends but i feel so hurt that they did not care how I felt. How can a husabnd and a friend continue to party together when I am so upset. Any advice
2007-08-09 11:37:06 · 10 answers · asked by meadow230 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
one more thing my husband asked my girl friend not to tell me where they were and the next day she told me that she told him that she would not lie for him but she did not call me and tell me either,I had to call her and she knew that i was upset. Any advice please!
2007-08-09 11:44:06 · update #1
It sounds like he's rather have fun with your friend than care about how you feel. That is not a good sign. I don't want to tell you what I think, but you might have a bit of a clue. Also, ditch the friend, friends don't do that to friends. Friends are suppose to care how you feel, not make you feel that way. You deserve a better husband and a better friend.
2007-08-09 11:41:54 · answer #1 · answered by hungryeyes001 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
John is probably exactly right. I don't see any big betrayal here at all.
You're hung up on how no one considered your feelings, but you're not considering your husband's feelings either. The two of you just had a big argument, he needed space and a chance to vent. Your friend is simply caught in the middle (and if I were her I'd be offended by your assumption that somehow she'd betrayed you).
You act like you're the only person who has feelings. Not to invalidate your feelings but there are other people involved too, and there's no 'red flags' here of any betrayals or bad behavior. I'm not sure your husband didn't make the exact right choice in getting some space and someone to talk to (as opposed to hanging around the house with you and continuing the argument).
The only thing that's weird is that you didn't do the same thing - talking these things out with a friend helps, and hopefully the anger cools and the relationship can be put right again. And going to the bar to make sure your husband didn't have any space, then accusing him and your friend of being insensitive (or worse) was very wrong of you and reflects badly on you.
2007-08-09 18:54:44 · answer #2 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Even if he was that mad, there is no excuse for what he did. He was very disrespectful. What if someone seen them at the bar? Even if they didn't do anything, its still looks bad. I don't think you should leave your husband, but definitely ditch the girl. If you wanted your husband at home, she should have turned around and bought him home. And once you got there, he should have left w/ you. Then, he had the nerve to stay out till 1:30am. Girl, I'm getting mad just picturing my husband doing something like this. I would have broke all kinds of bottles over their heads. Getting back to the subject, you need to sit down and tell him how you feel. He should have been at home patching things up w/ you. Tell him this better never, ever, happen again or else.... And as far as the girl...she's out of the picture.
2007-08-10 02:45:34 · answer #3 · answered by Got Curves? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say this, but this doesn't look good. Even IF nothing happened and he just wanted someone to talk to, he is married and going out alone with another woman to a bar is disrespectful, IMO.
I think you have serious issues to deal with...You need to talk to your husband AND stop contact with these friends. Trust is basic in a marriage, and once you break it there's no way to get it back.
Good luck.
2007-08-09 21:22:00 · answer #4 · answered by Nena S 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Probably not a single thing happened. He was angry and needed someone to vent to. He chose a couple that you both know, that's to his credit. He ended up talking for hours to the woman, at a bar yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything ... but they just talked ...
so ...
to make more of this than what you have described, is showing your pettiness, jealousy and will to control your husband ... which is perhaps what he is pushing back from ... relax and just let it go ... you're going to cause far more damage than healing by holding onto it.
2007-08-09 18:42:32 · answer #5 · answered by John B 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
If you really felt he was doing something wrong or may do something wrong then you should have stayed at the bar with him.
think about it...if your husband came up to you and started yelling and "became irate"(your words) would you get up off your chair and follow him out the door and go back home...I don't think so. My advise is to get over it.....what happened to your friend...did her husband "become irate" with her for going out with a friend?
2007-08-09 18:53:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am so sorry that your husband and your g-friend would sneek behind your back and go out and party. itsounds to me that they were trying to be sneeky, maybe because they knew you were not going to be cool with them hanging out without you. The point is they didn't tell you and you should let them both know that is not acceptable to you. Id they continue then you should reevaluate your relationship with your friend and make sure your husband knows the ground rules when it comes to hanging out with your friend/ im pretty sure he would'nt want you hanging out alone with his friends.
Take Care
(Hey check out my group Another Womans Opinion on yahoo groups)
2007-08-09 19:53:06 · answer #7 · answered by rachel g 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
They don't care about your feelings. They can't say you weren't clear about how you felt. Neither one values the relationship with you. Hurting you is okay with them. Since when in ignoring and hurting others okay? All you can do is get strong and get some new peolpe to lean on; peolpe who care about you.
2007-08-09 18:44:36 · answer #8 · answered by so tired 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not even think twice about ending the marriage and the friendship. they're both losers! if they thought it was ok cause your all friends fine. but once you showed up and complained he should've left. I would leave right this minute. do not waste any more time with him. He will not be faithful
2007-08-09 18:43:00 · answer #9 · answered by Jessie 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
you're overreacting
gl
2007-08-09 18:48:34 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋