My boyfriend of 3 years has asked me to marry him, recently. I love him with all my soul. And, I said "yes." My best friend of 18 years has asked me to marry him, again recently. Granted, he has asked 5 times, and I have not given him an answer. He says he will leave me forever if I choose my boyfriend...I said "yes" already. How do I break it to him gently? What the hell should I do? I'm f***ing scared to lose either of them. :(
2007-08-09 11:26:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hate to say this, but if you need to ask that question, you aren't ready to marry either one of them.
Marriage isn't about the ceremony, it's about love and living together for the rest of your lives. Remember that part in the marriage where you vow to "forsake all others"? That means, if you marry your fiance then your friendship with this guy is over, forever ... and you know what? He is truly telling you that you aren't his friend. He is a mean-spirited, jealous, controlling boy who is seeking to end your happiness. The sad part is that you are giving into his controlling behavior.
This isn't good.
Step back a bit, take a good look at who you are and what you want for your life. This really isn't about them, it's all about you.
2007-08-09 11:29:25 · answer #1 · answered by John B 7 · 7⤊ 1⤋
The man you marry you will spend the rest of your life with. Your best friend isn't really being a friend right now rather a jealous and desperate man. If he is really your friend and not just a guy that's been trying to wear you down over the years, then your best friend will get over it and be just that your friend. Your boyfriend will surely leave you if you break off your engagement to marry your best friend of 18 years. This is one of those tough decisions in life. Since you said yes to your boyfriend and never answered your best friend, it sounds like you want to spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend.
2007-08-09 18:35:55 · answer #2 · answered by Prof. Kim 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess you have a choice to make. You can't keep your best friend around if he wants more than friendship and you don't and you are engaged to another man. It just won't work. Either you want to marry your boyfriend or the best friend. It's not fair to keep him around if you're not interested in him that way. He's going to forever hold onto the hope that you will eventually fall in love with him. Let him go. So you both have a chance at happiness.
2007-08-09 18:33:50 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dated a guy for 3 years and agreed to marry him, then after this your friend of 18 years asked you to marry him too? Doesn't sound like a very good friend. He's been your friend for 18 yrs, why hasn't he told you he likes you before?
Also, why is this even a question? You're dating your fiance for a reason, and agreed to marry him because you love him. Tell your friend you won't marry him because you aren't in love in him, but that you'll still be friends. Seems pretty straight forward to me.
2007-08-09 18:31:01 · answer #4 · answered by pa 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Quite honestly, I don't think you should marry either one. You sound very confused. Getting married is a huge step, and not one to be taken lightly. It's something you do with the idea of forever, not we'll see if it works out.
It sounds as if you're afraid to be on your own, and to be your own person. I think that's exactly what you need...to be on your own for a while. Discover who you are & what you want.
Aside from that, 'best friends' don't force you to choose.
2007-08-09 18:38:13 · answer #5 · answered by loshea65 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel like your friend of 18 years is suffering fear and jealousy of losing your attention to someone else. Its part of a learning curve. You must marry the man you LOVE the most (not just in a friend way but lustfull too) and the other will not be a true friend if they don't still want to be part of your life and get over it.
2007-08-09 18:31:41 · answer #6 · answered by Renesme 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ideally, your best friend should be the same person as your fiance. If you have been struggling with a proposal offered 5 times.....then it is obvious you are not in love with "best friend". If he will leave you forever and not be your friend...then you have lost nothing. If you are in love with bf of 3 yreas .... marry him and start a life filled with love and happiness.
2007-08-09 18:39:10 · answer #7 · answered by girlielikesfun 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him leave (the best friend of 18 years). He will only be a hinderance in your relationship with your fiance. It's obvious the "best friend" is in love with you, and you are not in love with him. He keeps holding on to that little inkling of hope that you will feel the same as him. Do him a huge favor and let him go. He needs to be emotionally available for someone else, not for you. It's selfish to keep torturing him.
2007-08-09 18:32:35 · answer #8 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Choose your fiance if that is who you want to marry. Your friend will leave you because he wants to save himself the pain of seeing you with somebody else for the rest of your lives. Spare him more pain...plan a special last day together and tell him then...make it a great day so you have good memories...and then you just have to move on.. Hang in the girl...he will be having a harder time than you will.
2007-08-09 18:30:00 · answer #9 · answered by MaryHadALittleLamb 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why would your "best friend" ask you to marry him anyways? You two must have been more than just friends. If you are talking to two guys at once than I personally don't think you are ready for marriage or ready to commit anyways. Tell them you need to find yourself first.
2007-08-09 18:32:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋