I am still close with a man I dated *T*. We were involved well over 12 years ago--we discussed marriage, but in the end things didn't work out. We have been friends the last six years. My husband, to whom I've been married to for 10 years enjoys being with *T* and has no problem with us staying close. T called me on Monday to tell me he asked his live in *D* to marry him the night before. Hubby and I are very happy for him--they're going to Vegas. *T* wants us there, his fiancee (whom I've met once--at his father's funeral) is opposed to it. In all honesty I've never really spoken with *D*, My feeling is, if he's happy, then I'm happy. I do NOT want to come between them or cause any friction. I'm probably going to be 'unavailable' for that weekend. Any suggestions? Am I doing the correct thing by being 'unavailable'?
2007-08-09 11:26:15 · 15 answers · asked by Jen-Jen 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you are. This is her time right now. If she's opposed to it then I sure would'nt want to do anything that dampers her wedding. I would continue to try to keep lines open so that in the future, when she is more comfortable and secure...maybe a friendship with all parties could happen. I think T would have to understand and respect everyones feelings too. Good luck and I think you are awesome to consider her feelings.
2007-08-09 11:35:41 · answer #1 · answered by aknana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think so. You don't want to help start their marriage off on the wrong foot. She obviously has some issues, and that's a sad thing.
You could try and talk to her. Maybe invite her to get coffee or to lunch so you can get to know eachother and she won't feel threatened or uncomfortable around you.
If it's really important for you to be there at the wedding, then talk to your friend about it. Have him try and talk to her. If not, send a gift and a card, wish them the best, and leave it at that.
When they get back, you could go out to dinner, the four of you, to celebrate.
good luck to you.
2007-08-09 11:35:20 · answer #2 · answered by **Write your own song** 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My overall thought is the couple should have the friends there they want to witness their marriage. If they disagree about you, then perhaps they should not have invited you. That is their problem. You need to check your motives. If you want to support T, probably the best thing you can do is tell him honestly that you are not comfortable being there because D is not comfortable with you being there. You are willing to give D time to trust T and you. But you can express your support for T without going.
2007-08-09 11:37:01 · answer #3 · answered by Tom M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Let them go alone and have their moment. Maybe in time she won't see you as a threat and it will work out. She may not. It's really hard to tell. By bowing out, it at least shows her you respect her feelings and that's a good start.
I'm sure she would have a clue on why your are unavailable that weekend.
2007-08-09 11:36:08 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes just tell him that you wish them all the best and hope they have a great time. they need to start their marriage off on the right foot and it sounds like she will have some issues if you show up or even discuss it further. it might even do you some good to call her and congratulate her. tell her you won't be there but that you're thrilled for them both.
you are exactly right in what you're doing. You are a true friend.
2007-08-09 11:35:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! This is their problem, not yours. Tell "T" how you feel about not wanting to get in the way. See if he can get you all together and celebrate their engagement. See how she is toward you and try to befriend her. If she rebuffs you then confront her and explain that you are not a threat. Just be careful what you say knowing she might try to twist it. You really have nothing to lose if she already doesn't like you. Like mom always said, "You get more bees with honey." Good luck!
2007-08-09 11:34:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are able to desire to truly think of roughly who you desire to be on your wedding ceremony occasion. Having a super occasion is genuinely as much as you, yet don't be bullied into including extra human beings with the aid of fact somebody cries and makes you sense undesirable. you are able to continually ask your friends and cousins to attend to some household projects -- like the guy who handles coordinating human beings, the guy who makes particular that every person signs and warning signs the books, and so on.. Its a complicated area of do while maximum of folk desire to be a area of it, yet you are able to desire to seem at it realistically -- do you desire to function human beings on which you under no circumstances seen? in the event that they weren't a popular concept for you, then you definately shouldn't do it.
2016-10-09 21:24:24 · answer #7 · answered by andresen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your friend you wish him well but will be unable to attend his Vegas wedding because it may cause his bride to have less than the perfect day.
2007-08-09 11:35:00 · answer #8 · answered by missingora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I believe that's the right thing to do, as much as it hurts it's her day. Your wedding day is suppose to be the happiest day of your life, if that's how she feels you can not change that. Be a good friend and do what's right.
2007-08-09 11:52:09 · answer #9 · answered by hungryeyes001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, she is insecure about you do the classy thing and
be busy so they do not fight. Maybe in time you will get
to know each other and things will change.
You husband is a cool guy fer sure!
2007-08-09 11:34:59 · answer #10 · answered by dragonness36 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋