What do you do when your child of a recent divorce keeps telling you they want the other parent ?

Question

I am a recently divorced father who has one young child. He occassionally tells me that he wants to see his mom and cries about it. I tell him that mommy and daddy dont live together anymore and that we both love him very much, but he needs to spend time with both mommy and with daddy. I will not take him to his mom when he does this, I just keep telling him that I love him. It hurts alot, but what am I to do if this keeps happening?

Answer 1

It sounds to me like you are doing the right thing. He will probably stop saying that when he gets used to the situation and/or gets a little bit older. You might want to let him call his Mom when he gets really upset, because he might be afraid that he won't see her again (who knows what is in the mind of a child?) or that something has happened to her. You might want to talk to your ex wife and make sure that she encourages him to be a big boy about going to see Daddy.
It is unfortunate that you got divorced, but it is nice to see a divorced parent who doesn't try to run the other parent down.
Good Luck!

Answer 2

I would do whatever you can to make him feel like he can have both. Let him have some pictures of her up. Let him talk to her on the phone. Remind him of when he will see her again etc. Very young children almost always want their mommy, if you deny him of that he will only feel more stressed. Like you are taking him away from her. If you have a decent relationship with her than ask for her help. Maybe she can stop by next time and help settle him down. She can point out how nice dad is and how cool his house is and that he's lucky to get to spend the week there or whatever. It will help him so much if he has two parents who are devoted to him and can work together. My husband and I were separated once years ago and I had to do this with our younger kids. I would go into his house and sit with them and let him spend time with them with me there. Then I would say well mom has to go for awhile and I would act like they were lucky and I was missing out. It helped a lot. This will change as he gets older and he will love spending time with each of you!

Answer 3

Maybe you will have to take him to see his Mom. A little child really doesn't understand what has happened between you and his mother. You both might have to live closer to each other so that you can share the upbringing of your child, for the child's sake. Most divorcees fight over their children just to hurt each other, and don't think of what the child is going through. Daddies are important too. In reality children need both their parents, but sometimes we all know that it doesn't always work out that way. I have a son who walked away from his partner and child, but he wasn't very far away. So any time that the child needed his Dad, he was there. I'm quite proud of my grandson's parents because between them, even though they were not together they raised a pretty terrific kid between them.

Answer 4

Normally Bob that kind of problem occurs in 80% separeted couples.Depending the childrens age and case they will accept the facts easy or not.Your talks must continous,and pehaps during walkings in park or so ;making shore you both love him(she)in the same way as before and that would never be alone.Do not forget to treat that gently ,but firm.It takes time,it´s not easy to deal with that alone,but with lot of care and love ,not harming your kid you will have a better end.In most cases they get agrecive ,is their show off parents they desagrie their divorce.If realy gets on your nerves do take the child to special children psicologue and wait for the results.Even grown up ´people,does nt accept parent divorce,imagine a child.Wish you good luck.

Answer 5

I sympathize as I am right into it, and I've been single for nearly five years.
Well, make sure that although you two are not a couple any more, you are good parents; Keeping a good relationship and a united front in front of your child is the best you can do.
My ex-husband and myself worked that out for ourselves only just recently and the stress that was lifted off my shoulders was incredible.
Try and think of the greater picture: your son needs to see his mum as regularly as possible, and keep in touch as well by phone.
It's not his fault. It's a need and it's only natural.
It's very important to reassure him and never say something bad about his mum whatever your differences.
Children can't cope with our problems.
They want to make sure that they are not the cause of the break up of the relationship. Do make sure you tell him.
Be strong, there's not much you can do about it.
You might want to consider taking him to family mediation, so he can meet other children in the same situation and talk about his feelings.
This helped me too.
Good luck and I'm sure you are doing your best.xxx

Answer 6

That is very tough. My son did the same thing to my ex after we divorced and he was 8. It has been a year now and he has adjusted to the situation. Now whenever he does not get his own way he wants to go live with his Dad! Be patient and try not to take it personal. If your wife was the primary caregiver he is simply missing her. Just reassure him that you are both there for him. Do you have a computer with a webcam? Maybe "seeing" his mom for a couple of minutes may help.

Answer 7

precise, it particularly relies upon. What have the mother and father agreed? Who has custody? some little ones in elementary words see their distinctive discern (the only with out custody) as at as quickly as as each and each and a week. some spend their finished summer with their dad and school time with their mom. i'm a clean newborn and that i've got have been given lived by way of a divorce. they have been divorced on an identical time as i became into 2 years old. I stated my dad and mom prevalent until i became into 8. I lived with my mom even in spite of the shown fact that. Then I moved to Canada with my mom and characteristic not considered my dad in 6 years.

Answer 8

It sounds like a normal response, especially if the divorce was recent. It will take time for your child to get used to the new situation. You might try talking to a child counselor or finding a few well-reviewed books a children in divorce and see if they offer any advice.

If you have a local mental health center, you might see if they have any resources available.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

When I was little, I would want to go over to the other parent's house and my parent would take me over to the other one for a couple of minutes and then take me back to where I was supposed to be staying for the night. Also, my parents have a schedule; so, that I see them almost everyday whether it is in the morning or at night. I go to my dad's on Tue, Thur, and Sun and I go to my mom's on Mon, Wed, Fri, and Sat. It was much easier on me when they did it that way as opposed to friends who had a hard time because they went every other week or so.

Answer 10

you need to put you and your ex wifes troubles to the side and allow your child to see his mom. You are very selfish and this could lead you child to hate you!!! my parents divorced when I was very young and my mom didn't want me to see my dad but she understood he had rights too and she knew that if I saw him enough I would eventually see him the way she did. Eventually my dad stop coming to pick me up and then stopped talking I recently got a hold of him and it lasted about a week and I realized he didn't want me in his life. It's important for your son to have both parents in his life no matter what your relationship is with you wife. You need to discuss boundries and allow him to call her if he feels the need. Think about him instead of yourself!!! GoodLuck!