My Husband has shut me out of his life, what do I do?

Question

I have been married for almost four years, and I don't believe in divorce, but I am at my wits end.
My husband doesn't love me!! Literally and Figuratively!
He is short with me, distant to me, unaffectionate and almost mean. When we are out in public, he has to be the center of attention - but often does this at the cost of putting me down. Our friends have told him how rude he is, and have told me that I need to move on.
Together we have gone thru some pretty traumatic events in our 5 short years together. His brother died, my Dad died, He is fighting alcoholism (successfully), He has almost been sent to prison for DWI's so that helped straighten the alcohol abuse out.
We have struggled since we met, and I keep thinking that this is what couples do, but now he has pushed me even further away.
I need affection, I need attention, and I need it from HIM. It has been months - literally - months, since we did …well you know.

I miss my husband.

Answer 1

You can be there for him as much as you want, but he's just not there to accept what you have to give. Listen to your friends honey; let him go; the writing has long been on the wall. It's time to focus on you. You need to regain your self esteem and self respect. You've become so wrapped up in this man that you've lost yourself along the way; and as I would imagine, sometimes that'll happen in a marriage, but that doesn't make it right. His issues have become so much a part of who he is that he can't really deal with anything outside the realm of that. You need to get that love, that affection, that attention, from someone who is not only able, but willing to give it to you, because clearly your husband is not that person.

Sorry to say it. You shouldn't have to beg someone to love you. You deserve so much better than that.

Answer 2

It's obvious from your question that you don't want to give up yet. But the kind of relationship you are in is very unhealthy. Have you two sought counseling? Maybe some heart-to-heart conversation, with a mutual (and trusted) friend as a mediator?

It sounds like he is almost angry--is it part of the alcoholism talking? Dealing with these very heavy and emotional events can take a toll on even the toughest guy. Maybe you could suggest that he joins a support group?

As for how he treats you, is there someone you know that HE will listen to? Get this person to talk to him and counsel him on how he should treat people, and his wife.

Change takes time, and it only happens if that person wants to change. You can't force it. But you can work hard with him on it.

Good luck.

Answer 3

You need to be honest with him. Tell him exactly what your feeling. See if you can make is work ,but it take both parties. If he doesn't want or counties to be disrespectful and rude , then I am sorry to say divorce will be the answer ,unless you don't mind being in a love less marriage ,where the spouse doesn't even have the decency to respect in front of others . Good luck hope a works out for the best

Answer 4

The only chance you have in saving your marriage is if both of you are willing to go to marriage councilling and acknowledge that the relationship is in trouble.

If you're man isn't willing to do that you MUST LEAVE THIS MAN. THIS IS AN EMOTIONALY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP.

There is no reason why you should suffer any longer from this horrible man.

Odds are if he isn't giving you any affection he has a mistress somewhere - so if you are very against divorce then see if you can dig up some evidence on him that he is cheating, that is an acceptable reason for having a divorce.

Answer 5

What you need, he won't give. If you don't believe in divorce, then do you believe in cheating? Couple face life's challanges together. Together, not with one refusing attention to the other. Your friends are right. Moving on is a good idea, unless you want a life without affection. You are looking for a miracle, or maybe looking to be stung along. Hurt me, but say you love me? You need to see a counselor and get back your self respect.

Answer 6

This has happened to me and it lets me know my husband does not love me, and no matter what I do I can't change his feelings. I am gonna turn the page in my book, and move on. I have a life to live, and I am moving on.

Answer 7

You have suffered enough. It is time to communicate your feelings to him and if he is unable to communicate his to you, then you need marriage counseling to help you both. Be sure you say what is positive about him when you do talk-- tell him how proud you are that he is winning his battle with alcoholism. Tell him you want things to better and you are sure he does to. Be prepared for criticism, because there are probably things he wants to see you change as well, and fair is fair. But you do have needs and he is your husband, so if he values your relationship, he should listen. Good luck!

Answer 8

I don't like divorce either but it sounds like your relationship is over. It's going to be hard but I say get out now before things get worse and move on with your life.

You don't deserve to be treated like this. I don't believe there is anything you can do to change him.

Answer 9

why don't you talk him into trying marriage counseling if that doesn't work you will either go the divorce route or live and unhappy empty feeling life with no affection whats so ever its sad for anyone to settle for that ...maybe you should reconsider your stance on divorce

Answer 10

Try counseling. If that doesn't work get a divorce. It will be better in the long run.

While getting over him study Islam, it's changed my life and can change yours too. Muslim men make great husbands!!!