Why do people "fall out of love"?

Question

How can it happen so quickly one month you are planning for a vow renewal and then the next month they walk out and don't want to work on the marriage?

I did everything for him:

1. Material things he got what he wanted because he worked hard for it and he deserved it
2. House always clean
3. Kids well taken care of
4. Sex when he wanted and how he wanted, flirted with him, called him, sent text messages
5. he slept in until he wantd to
6. loved him unconditionally and still do
What more could I have done?

Answer 1

We are more likely to feel anger, hurt, and betrayal if we feel our needs are not being fulfilled. Hurt emotions overwhelm logic and judgment. We get defensive and egotistical. We are selfish. We start to put ourselves #1 and often feel indignant "If he loved me he would do this, or not have done that, etc." We start to withdraw from doing those little things for our significant other, after all if our needs aren't met then why should we meet theirs (This will show him/her how much he/she hurt me!). Even though we may have withdrawn 'giving' we start to expect even more in return. We demand certain signs from them as a show of their love and how much they are SORRY that they have unintentionally hurt us. Our mates, in turn, realize that we have withdrawn our love and proceeds to protect themselves too by doing just the opposite of what we want from them. They withdraw their loving ways, too. Now, neither of us are getting our emotional needs met. The relationship has now become a showdown between two selfish people who's only attempt is to protect their own selves at all costs!
We withdraw from one another, forming an impenetrable wall of protection from the pain. The pain and hurt we feel is from the feeling that we gave of our love so freely, and did not have it neither validated, nor appreciated. In this stage, in order to protect ourselves from hurt and pain, we become very good at convincing ourselves that we don't need, want, love, or even LIKE the other person. We separate from them, if not in our physical environment, in our mental and emotional environment. We dwell on all the bad things about the other. We may even invent flaws in our mates just to convince ourselves that we don't hurt. If this stage is left untreated we eventually fall prey to the final stage...
Our hearts are heavy and empty. We feel betrayed, hurt, resentful. How could they allow such ruin? We do not feel good about ourselves. The sun has stopped shining, the old oak tree is wicked looking, with gnarled twisted branches, your eyes have dark circles under them and there is a dragging shuffle in your walk. You have fallen out of love.

Answer 2

My opinion on this is that people grow and change often in life. If two people grow into opposite directions or into different interests the change may be too much and they aren't as compatible and into the same things or ideas as each like they once were. I would say especially when two people get together at a young age or hard time in their life often there will be so much major change for them to personally still go through that on the other end of the change they aren't nearly the same person they used to be. I know I am, for the most part, a completely different person today than I was even 4 years ago.

Answer 3

I think it is because they dont understand the fundamental underlying principles of love. 1. To be loved one needs to feel special and wanted. 2. To increase love you must learn how to serve the other person ( I am not just talking about sex, but about the little things like opening the door, cooking diner after a hard days work, flirting to show you care, and generally doing things for your significant other even when you dont want to.) 3. Love is made from trust, break the trust and what is left is a broken hollow thing.4. You need to care about your significant other as much as you care for yourself. 5. You need to care enough to figure out what their needs and wants are, and fulfill all of the needs, and work on the wants.
If both partners do this, then you will never fall out of love. I am not saying that there wont be hard times, but they will be fewer and far between.


In response to the second posting of yours, it takes both parties involved to be this way for a good marriage. He will find out that the grass is not greener on the other side. When that happens be prepared for him to come crawling back. Make a gameplan before you get into that moment, and stick with it. I simpathize with your plight, and wish you good luck.

Answer 4

First people do genuinely change, especially when young. People with few life experiences change the most when they start to grow up.

But even more than that a relationship is a discovery process, people have deeper layers that you don't know or see right away. It takes time and different experiences together to see what the other person is "really" like. Then when you see some of that, you might realize that you don't really think you could have a future together.

Answer 5

because they get too wrapped up in life...the get used to that person being there all the time for them (and in your case doing everything for them) and they start to take it for granted...first it starts with the i love yous stopping , then you start going to be without even saying goodnight...and its just all downhill from there....but it sounds like from what you are saying you did over and above the call of wifely duties...and he took it for granted...there is nothing more you could have done...he is just being selfish and you need to realize its not your fault....if he had issues he should have talked them out with you, instead of just bailing on you...im sorry he did that, but don't blame yourself...move on, grow from this experiance, and know you are an awesome person with alot to offer...

Answer 6

I don't think it's a matter of one month to the next but, more like this person was really unsure of his/or her feelings...Sometimes you try to replace your feelings with solutions or ideas you think will solve and take care of the problem until you realize you need to confront and deal with it...If not, you will never be happy and you will always chase after it....

Answer 7

True love can neither be created nor destroyed. It either is or is not. If you love somebody, you always have and always will.

People find intriguing ways to convince themselves they are in love when they are not. Unfortunately, they will never be convinced they are not until they "think" they are falling out of love.

There is no formula to show you what real love is. Life is about learning and as long as you keep your mind open and learn to love yourself for who you are, you will begin to see real love.

Answer 8

Maybe he wasn't really in love? Many folks have strong emotions for someone that they mistake for being in love, when in reality those feelings wear off after a while and then the guy realizes that it wasn't what he first thought.

Answer 9

If true love lasts forever and most people who break up (including me) still love each other. So if they fall out of love then they nevere really were in love in the first place.

Answer 10

Because people confuse love with a feeling. What you feel at the beginning of a relationship is not how you will feel forever! Love is a decision, and if you look at it like that it is easier to be strong to your commitment.