What do you think of this poem i wrote when i was 11?

Question

i wrote it for homework when we were asked to write a poem about snow. At the time i thought it was great but reading it a few years on, i think i was i bit up myself at 11.

Droplets of elegance, twirling, swirling
Dancing with the wind
Settle softly, gently forming
A white carpet on the ground
It brings with it a serene silence
As if it sends the world to sleep
And it morphs the world’s common possessions
Into beauties, atypical
Cold as heartache but pleasure filled
Like a pair of deceitful eyes
That drag you into a crisp white bliss
Then cruelly penetrate your joy
Just like those eyes of treachery
The white crystals of fun
Hold an element of danger
Danger destructive and murderous
Flurries of fun become blizzards of fury
Devouring buildings and mankind alike
Suffocating cities, towns and country
And no more delight is seen
Droplets of elegance, twirling, swirling
Dancing with the wind
Settle over the body of one gone
And the terror of millions.

Answer 1

That poem is a prizewinner! If you really wrote when you were 11, I'd sure like to see what you write now. By the way, how old are you now? You have an amazing talent. It's hard to believe you were only 11 when you wrote this, but whatever age you were, it's awesome! You must have been a child prodigy! Most 11-year-olds do not have that advanced vocabulary, or the ability to put thoughts into words like that. I'm impressed!

Answer 2

One always clicks on this sort of question - 'How do you like me so far?' - with a certain trepidation, but, actually, this is not THAT bad. Poet has some sense of rhythm and poetical form, yet, once again, no discipline. Strongly though kindly suggest reviewing a few of the recommendations posted at the ESL links at The Roll & Shuffle, http://pokerpulse.com/news/viewtopic.php?t=1866&sid=cb233519a775350c0fb477dcecfb45d0, including Stephen Fry's excellent how-to text, The Ode Less Travelled. Be fearless. There is talent that might be developed into something truly readable. In the meantime, keep reading the classic, time-tested poets and steal from them remorselessly as we all do. Steal from the best - that's the only hard and fast rule.

Here's a sample from Steve's introduction:

"This is not an academic book. It is unlikely to become part of the core curriculum. It may help you with your English exams because it will certainly allow you to be a smart-**** in Practical Criticism papers (if such things still exist) and demonstrate that you know a trochee from a dactyl, a terza from an ottava rima and assonance from enjambment, in which case I am happy to be of service. It is over a quarter of a century since I did any teaching and I have no idea if such knowledge is considered good or useless these days; for all I know it will count against you.

I have written this book because over the past thirty-five years I have derived enormous private pleasure from writing poetry and like anyone with a passion I am keen to share it. You will be relieved to hear that I will not be burdening you with any of my actual poems (except sample verse specifically designed to help clarify form and metre): I do not write poetry for publication, I write it for the same reason that, according to Wilde, one should write a diary, to have something sensational to read on the train. And as a way of speaking to myself. But most importantly of all for pleasure.

This is not the only work on prosody (the art of versification) ever published in English, but it is the one that I should like to have been available to me many years ago. It is technical, yes, inasmuch as it investigates technique, but I hope that does not make it dry, obscure or difficult - after all, 'technique' is just the Greek for 'art'. I have tried to make everything approachable without being loopily matey or absurdly simplistic.

I certainly do not attempt in this book to pick up where those poor teachers left off and instruct you in poetry appreciation. I suspect, however, that once you have started writing a poem of any real shape you will find yourself admiring and appreciating other poets' work a great deal more...(From the excellent Foreward at pgs. xviii-xix)

You see? Helpful, no? Try a few of the exercises. You can only improve.

Answer 3

Generally newly written poems are guarded like babies. In time they become an embarrassment. If you still like it then it's good. Anyway, why shouldn't you have written a good poem at 11?

Answer 4

OMG if you can do this at 11, what on earth will you be able to do at 25?

It is awesome. It caresses, it cools, it chills, it kills. What an impact!

Answer 5

wow you wrote that when you were 11 and that young age. i think it's a nice poem, good use of words, and really detailed describtion of snow and different menings. it's a really nice poem

Answer 6

I like it! You wrote that? I can't even write one line!! LOL