Relationship & Marriage?

Question

What can you do when your spouse want to keep in touch with his ex? and the ex wants him back!!! he said it's friend. trying to be nice!

There is no kids involved. she is several states away from us, however, her parents live here. they were engaged for a long time. Yes, I did ask all the questions and his answers were He loves me and he married to me and he is not leaving and go to her. But him talking to her and discussed w/ me first or let me know, HURT. More like confess after getting caught/.

Answer 1

You tell your husband to cut off contact with the ex (unless they have children and then, only to discuss the children). If he refused, you have to decide if you want to stay in a marriage where your husband doesn't care about your feelings or separate from him and see if that will get him to appreciate your feelings on the issue.

Answer 2

It depends. Does he and the ex have children together? If so, then he may just be keeping the peace for the children's sake. If not, then he may be doing it for the very reason he said: he still cares for them as a friend. If that is the case, then look at the bright side: your spouse is a caring individual! Maybe he just wants everyone to be happy. Hopefully that will include you, and doubly so!

I'd keep an eye on him, though. It sounds innocent, but these things can come and bite you in the butt. You are right to be suspicious. I generally think that keeping in contact with ex's is a bad idea. Old feelings have a habit of rekindling, and even if they do not, you CERTAINLY do not want him discussing YOUR relationship with them. They will NOT give him good advice, especially if you and him go through any rough times.

I will also say that more times than not a spouse who keeps in touch with past girlfriends is "keeping his options open." If you sense this is the case, you are best off dropping him and finding a guy that will put you FIRST and leave the past in the past. BUT... don't assume this is the case. Just be cautious and look for bad signs (secrecy, talking about you behind your back, etc). Follow your instincts on this one! Good luck!

Answer 3

Um, I say no. Why do they feel the need to continue the relaionship with the ex? Makes no sense to me. I mean, I must say, I am amicable with all of my exes, and have bumped into them a few times since we seperated, however, I am not calling them all the time and hanging out with them. I would talk nicely at first and let your spouse know what you are feeling. If that does not work, you may have to give an ultimatum and stick through with it. Or else, if this is really messing things up, get in with a marriage counselor. This non-biased third party (counselor) may be able to show your spouse just how his/her actions are hurting you and affecting your relationship.

Good Luck

Answer 4

If there are children involved, you have no choice. If not, explain to your spouse that it makes you feel uncomfortable and has the potential to cause problems between you two. It is necessary for me to talk with my ex once in awhile because of kids, but there could never be nothing more. And I'm not with anyone right now. I figure if I couldn't get along with the ***** the first time, I'm not giving her a second chance to hurt me.

Answer 5

For a husband this totally out of line, you don't ask him you should tell him to cut off all ties with this ex person. If he does not respect the marriage and cares more for his ex then you should politely send him packing. How dare he disrespect you, and his vowels like this and expect you to get over it. You should Not ALLOW him to do this to you, as long as you sit back and take this garbage he will continue, treating you in this manor. You are suppose to be his friend,confidant and his all an all not the ex, i am saying no for you, now you say no more, yourself. Tell him if this doesn't STOP... being so in touch, with his ex, he can be out of touch with you by saying GOOD BYE, NO MORE OF TRYING TO BE NICE, JUST SAY NO!!! I am not allowing him to do this to me.

Answer 6

I thought that this was his ex. I do know that you can still be friends with an ex, however, why keep in touch unless there are children involved.

If he has meetings in private with her there probably is more involved in this besides friendship. If your are not comfortable with that then he needs to respect it.

Bring an ex of yours around see how he feels.

Answer 7

I think it's disrespectful to you to keep in contact with a girl who he was once involve with and wants him back....How do you expect for that girl to have any respect for you when you own husband doesn't have for you or for the marriage?? I know you must feel hurt and upset but, he needs to know how you feel...He doesn't have to be nice to someone who he shared a past with..How would he feel if it was the other way around?? I don't think he would feel the same way...Sometimes you have to consider the person you're with and most importantly thats YOU***

Answer 8

i don't have an answer but i'm in the same boat...and it really is just friends. we were together years ago for 3 years and were just friends for years after. sometimes they really are just friends, other times it's because your spouse doesn't want to hurt her feelings so he's cutting her off slowyly, other times it's because he still loves her...it's up to you to figure out what the situation is. if it doesn't seem right to you, then put an end to it.

Answer 9

That is fine if you can handle it, if she nice and includes you in things....I dunno if I would still be able to handle it. My husbands ex hates me, throws jealous fits and tries to get him to come back all of the time. Needless to say, he can't be her friend and make me happy about it. They have children, so he sticks to that topic only. If she brings up anything else, he says to her, this isn't about the children, I have to go. Good luck. ...I really would let him know how you feel in no uncertain terms. I think I would be mad, maybe even jumping up and down mad, I don't know.

Answer 10

You can remind him that he's married to someone else now, and if he respects you, he'll keep his contact with her VERY minimal. What does he want more? To keep his friendship with her alive, or his marriage alive? The answer might be the key. Find out, and act accordingly.