I left my husband 6 months ago because he is an acholic and I thought by me leaving he would change because he said he needed to be alone to sober up.I had to leave because it was starting to affect my daughters lives.Come to find out he never tried to get sober and ended up living with this girl.Now I find out she is pregnant.He is leaving her because he says she is crazy.On Monday he is moving back to my state and says he wants to be all about his kids and he is done with women.My question is,what if turns into the man I always wanted and I fall for him again?Should I just give up on us 100% or should I see what the future holds?My heart tells me to move on cause he has caused so much heartache and now that he has another baby coming with another woman I don't think I could deal with that.Please tell me what you would do?
2007-08-09 08:08:38 · 24 answers · asked by lvbrdy4vr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Until he STOPS drinking.. get the divorce. I too left my husband due to alcohol. He said he would change but never did, so I am glad I got the divorce. I paid for it 100% too. He did keep drinking... move in with another women.. got her pregnant too. He only stopped drinking 8 YEARS later. If I had waited, he would have just continued to drink. My kids and I were better off without him. I never looked back. Keep going where you were and see how you feel about him if and when he ever stops drinking. I have NO regrets about this and my kids were much better off growing up not seeing a drunk father all the time.
2007-08-09 08:14:42 · answer #1 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I'd ask him to start attending AA meetings and having the chair person sign a piece a paper each time he goes. hold him accountability if he wants to have any sort of relationship with the kids.
Don't put your life on hold because of some pie in the sky idea of what life might be like with him sober. You need to move on.
he has made a second family because of his addiction. At best it's poor judgment to think he will change because of the children.
If he is serious about getting sober you can look up AA in your town, give him the number to call the central office and ask for a "where and when" of meeting times and locations. Give that to him. I've seen a lot of guys get sober for a variety of reasons, but the motivation has to be his own. You or he can think about what might be until it happens. He has to work on getting and staying sober before you can trust him with the kids without supervision. That is pretty simple. If he is drinking the kids can't come over. Even one friggin' drink if his is a drunk. One drink ALWAYS ALWAYS for an alcoholic not in recovery leads to 100 drinks.
He has been acting like drunk heading toward a bottom he needs to decide how far down he goes.
You can read this chapter of the "Big Book - Basic text of Alcoholic Anonymous" it might help explain things.
http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_BigBook_chapt8.pdf
you can check out aa-alcove.org or
General Service Office for information:
http://www.aa.org/?Media=PlayFlash
You might check out alanon go to a meeting get some perspective.
http://www.al-anon.org/english.html
2007-08-09 08:23:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how hurt you must feel. You're in a difficult situation. It's a hard decision, but I think I would have to move on. Of course, he's going to be a part of your kid's lives, so that at least will give you the opportunity to see him once in a while and perhaps you'll be able to tell if he's really sobered up. It sounds like he is very unsure of what he wants and because of that, I would be hesitate to make any decision to get back with him right away. Give it some time and see how he really is, and then see how you feel about him. Good luck!
2007-08-09 08:14:10 · answer #3 · answered by makeloans2 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you take him back you will only be a crutch for him again. Alcoholics must hit rock bottom before they will even consider giving up the juice. Even if he becomes clean and sober AA recommends that they don't start any new relationships for at least one year. Even though you are married it would be a NEW relationship you are starting with him--because I am sure you don't want the same one you had when he left. He is leaving this woman because she is fed up with him too, just like you were. For the sake of your children move on. Your husband has already proved his true character by his past behavior. You can't count on him to change.
2007-08-09 08:16:02 · answer #4 · answered by onebigfool 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off why would you want him back? Definately if he has finally sobered up then he should visit with his girls as long as he can be a good father. But he told you he was going to straighten out his life when you left and he just made it worse with another women. You don't need or want that as a life partner. Let him deal with his own problems. Don't let him move in with you to be closer to the girls or help him in any way. He needs to grow up and deal with his own problems!
2007-08-09 08:24:40 · answer #5 · answered by starfire978 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't give this guy a chance to mess those kids up. Get an order of protection because I have a feeling you are going to need it. Concentrate on raising and protecting those kids. An alcoholic backed into a corner with no where to go can be very dangerous.
2007-08-09 08:46:17 · answer #6 · answered by Brad M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont know how old you are , but you do sound young.
Always alcoholic , and always will be.I truly believe he should be in his childrens life, but not on the basis of not taking care of his disease first.
Second , he joined up with another woman and another kid along the way...He does not sound stable or reassuring in my mind.
Look for help now , get on with your life and take care of you and your children, lots of tlc and focus.
Make sure you get child support and dont give up.
I wish you luck , seems like maybe a hard road ahead honey.
rocker
2007-08-09 08:18:10 · answer #7 · answered by rocker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he will never change not unless he admits to becoming an alcoholic and goes to AA. based on that, you should not go back with him. you did your kids a huge favor in life by leaving him. good for you. each time you talk with your ex you need to tell him he should go to AA. he now has another child on the way and that's just too bad. an alcoholic does not know how to find a good mate - very charicteristic. you need to encourage him to DO THE RIGHT THING. he is not in your life any more. he is your kids father and a father to be, and he is an alcoholic. you want nothing to do with him until he goes to AA.
2007-08-09 08:20:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow your heart. It is telling you what to do. Let him be for just his kids and move on with your life. If you two go into trying to work things out, it may hurt your daughters in the long run not to mention more heartache for you. Believe me I was married for six years and hoped for the best. He never changed and my kids are still suffering from the pain that we went through. Let it go for yourself and for them.
2007-08-09 08:16:32 · answer #9 · answered by Mlowe76 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just said he was done with women, wouldn't that include you. Be cautious. He might just be wanting a handout. Guard your heart and your children. If he hasn't changed his lifestyle, it could be dangerous for you to be around him.
Plus now you have the other woman and baby to add to the mix. I would try to move on if you feel led to do that. Good luck.
2007-08-09 08:15:49 · answer #10 · answered by momof4 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋