I'm confused about something?

Question

I hear all of these people say that letting babies cry is cruel. I think that it was the best way to teach my daughter how to sleep in her crib. For the first couple nights I would give her a bath and then put her down in her crib and she would cry for about 10-15 min and then she would fall asleep and sleep ALL NIGHT!! Then after a couple of nights everytime I put her down she would always be awake but she would NEVER cry and fall asleep all on her own. She is 3 months old. Now I don't understand why people are saying that it is mean and cruel. I know letting your child cry is not easy (it was awful for me) but now she knows its bedtime and she knows that she is not going to have mommy running in and out because she is crying, she knows that she has to go to sleep and she does. Does anybody agree with me or is it just me? I don't need rude comments, everybody raises there children differently so I really do not want to hear about what a bad mother I am for letting my baby cry!!

Answer 1

There is a difference of what you are doing and just getting fed up and placing your child in a crib and not attending..

I think as long as you make sure that the baby is fine (diaper, fed, etc.) and that they are truely tired, let them cry.. All they are doing is fighting thier sleep.. Now if it takes longer and they are still crying yes go in there and get them out and double check and try to put them to sleep another way..

Crying out.. It is so funny.. It use to be something that was a big thing.. It was a parenting "fad"... Now jsut like everything else that was done when we were kids, "cruel"... blah blah blah.. I am sorry.. I look at my generation and the ones before and we didnt have all the crap going on in society everyday like we do now days..

Oh gosh sorry I got on a rant.. lol..

You arent a bad mother.. You are a good mother.. Just ignore it.. Some of the ppl who comment about this things dont even have kiddos.. some of them are the if's...

Answer 2

The last thing I want to do is judge you. I 'm sure you love your baby very much, or else you wouldn't be here asking questions. People have to understand though, that babies, never cry for no reason. And that a newborn, never cries because they're spoiled. They might be hungry, have stomach cramps, feel lonely, scared, or just want to be close to mommy. Now any of those reasons is good enough for me to wanna hold my baby. Rather than teaching her that no matter how hard or loud she cries, I won't come around. That's not a message I want to give her. How would you feel if you were crying, and your husband, or kids, or friends said: Oh, just leave her. She'll cry it out and be okay. Yes eventually you would stop. But how would you feel?
In the end it's your decision how you raise her, and she'll probably turn out okay. But this is just my opinion. :)

Answer 3

I would never call a mother I do not know a bad mother. But I do not understand how someone can say that letting a baby cry is not cruel. Think of the last time you cried, was it pleasant and fun? Did you feel secure? Now imagine a little baby, who just came into the world, for the first 9 months of its existence it was held safe and warm 24/7 listening to its mothers heartbeat. How magnified do think those feelings are for that little baby? How confused and vulnerable and insecure do you think the baby feels?

Does not make sense to me at all. There are no positive aspects to letting a baby cry-it-out.

Answer 4

While I don't know if you are a good mom or not- 3 months old is far too young to cry it out.

We also co-sleep and all of ours with the exception of the youngest since she is still co-sleeping were in their own bed by aged 2. No cry it out, no fighting at bedtime, nothing. They are all independant, happy, and easy to get to sleep.

We practice attachment parenting and it works and works well. Our kids each know that if we need us, we are there no matter what time the clock says. Babies at that age don't know how to self soothe.

For me- if it is awful, I don't do it. End of story. If it seems wrong- it is. Babies need love, support, and they can be taught to get to sleep- co-sleeping or not- without crying it out.

Answer 5

Amber- we had tried to let our son cry it out- and it was mean. He was sweating and upset. We taught him how to get to sleep on his own, but it took time. We let him cry for 10 minutes that one time- and we both said never again. No way!He had colic and we figured with that crying he did enough crying. I started to sleep with him so he would feel secure at night. He always started out in his crib and then I brought him to our bed. Our baby goes right to our bed, she does not even have a crib.

Our baby's both sleep all night- our son from the time he was 3 months old....and our daughter from 4 weeks. We opted to cosleep because after working all day, I wanted to be close at night too.

I believe that by letting a baby cry- they shut down...I don't want my kids to think I will never be there for them because parenting doesn't stop at night.

Our kids both know when bedtime is- our one year old says, 'Night-night" when she is tired and I put her in our bed. We have a firm routine at night- and she goes without question or fighting and we never had to let her cry. You see, there are other ways of putting a baby to sleep without crying it out.

To each their own. NO, I don't agree with you- from the experience of raising both my own kids and my sister's daughter. You are going to do what works for you regardless of what people say, so why get worked up over it?

Answer 6

Well I dont know about this. I think it depends on the type of crying. My MIL has told me she never came when any of her kids were crying ever. As long as she knew they were fed and dry, she left them to cry. As far as Im concerned that just enforces the idea that no-one will come if you need them. And I can see it in my DH or his siblings... they dont know how to respond to someone caring for them or ever ask for help.

My niece would have complete meltdowns at certain times of the day and would start to hyperventilate after a while. She would be frantic, at 4 months old. (And this was not attention crying or going to sleep). If we had just let her cry it out, she might have passed out from lack of oxygen or something.

I think theres something to be said for reinforcing bedtime and a routine, but a 3 month old doesnt know "hey its 7pm, its bedtime!". They dont even have that kind of concept interpretation ability yet. All they know is mommy, food, sleep, and looking around. And if they cry, they dont understand the reasoning why you arent coming. You're just not coming. They can cry and you wont be there.

But that is just me, like you said, everyone raises their child differently, but i could never just listen to my child cry and not wonder if anything is wrong. Like if the cat was lying on her or she was in pain. I couldnt do it. (But thats me)

Im not going to tell you you are a bad mother cos I really dont know you but... I dont know... I couldnt do that. But if it works for your little one, then thats what works. Maybe shes just one of those easy-going babies.

Answer 7

I am a believer that after a certain age it IS okay to let them cry. Most of the time when I put my daughter down for the night she is okay with that, sometimes she will sit up and play...then there are the times she doesnt think she wants to go to bed, but I still put her in her crib and she will cry.
She doesnt do it more than around 10 minutes, its just she wants to be up with us and I think she needs a set bedtime...so into the bed she goes:)
I read when they are infants it isnt spoiling them to pick them up all the time because I always wanted to show her that I was there, so to me it is an age thing...but as yo said people have different methods on parenting.

Answer 8

I don't agree. Everybody has their own parenting method though and that's great that it works for you.

I have a 3 month old also. She sleeps in her crib pretty good, if she cries I give her 3 minutes. If she's still crying, I go and soothe her.

Answer 9

i can see your point but i HATE to hear my 3 week old cry it breaks me heart so i dont think i could do it...but then again she goes to bed at 10ish and doesnt wake to breastfeed til about 3 or 4 then goes back to sleep til 9 so im lucky....i think if its the right thing for you and your child then go for it i just cant hear my daughter cry it kills me

Answer 10

That aint mean and cruel, girl. That is good parenting. I did the same thing but the first night he cried so hard and sounded so upset I sat beside the crib and just layed my hand on his tummy. The seond night I just made sure his passy was in his mouth.

However, now that your child is doing well with going to sleep by herself, if she does start crying hold her and confort her SOMETIME. A child loves that. My son gets that periodically, and he appreciates it. Also, it makes you appreciate your child more. Remember, after she grows up, you are not going to be able to hold her and confort her like now. Take the opportunity and treasure it.