Husband's Female Coworker?

Question

My husband works in 3 different offices. One office he only goes into one day a week. The front office receptionist keeps e-mailing my husband @ home about 3 times a week on current events or jokes nothing about office business. Once a month I will see something about office business. I saw a group picture of the office in a ad in the newspaper and she is very cute and about 15 yrs. younger than my husband. Now I find out he has been e-mailing her back with the same stuff like current events & Jokes. I asked my husband if she is married he said, I don't know but she has one small son. When she e-mails its not the office e-mail address its her personal e-mail address. I told my husband this is going to stop because its not fair for him to do this. My question is: Should it stop before it goes futher, or is it ok for them to e-mail each other. Thank-You

Answer 1

I wouldn't worry TOO much about it...chances are she's just forwarded the jokes etc to a whole bunch of people, it's rarely personal.
A few years ago, I would've said to worry, but I got married, and my husband has several friends who are women from work or past friends. I know them all, and I know him, and I trust that everything's fine. He emails them, and if I wanted to, he'd show me every email. He doesn't meet up with them without me. Just in my situation, I have no reason to worry.
Now, knowing your husband, and seeing these emails (is his the only address it was sent to?) if you still feel worried, then I would suggest talking to him about it. Even if it's unfounded, it's apparently bothering you, so to keep you from getting all paranoid, best to talk about it. Not accusing or anything, just tell him "look, I don't want to be the jealous wife or anything, but I can't help just getting a little paranoid. I just get the feeling that she might be up to something" (That way you're not blaming him.) See if he's very reassuring...if he offers to let you see all the emails, then it's a clue that he's not hiding anything. I would think it wouldn't be too good if he got really defensive, but that could also just mean he's bugged that you didn't trust him. That depends on his personality. I know it will be a difficult talk...early in our marriage my husband actually asked ME if his friendship with a few gals made me uncomfortable. And even then, it was hard to talk about, but he wanted to make sure that I was ok with it, he offered to just stop talking to them all together if it bothered me. They had been really good friends and support for him years and years ago, and I couldn't tear that apart, but I also could just tell that it was all very plutonic and innocent.
A lot of it just needs to be from your own judgement, but try to be open with your husband and share your concerns without making him feel like you think he's cheating. If it does look like it's headed that way, hopefully he'll be agreeable to ceasing these actions so that it doesn't go there...kind of nipping it in the bud.
And in the meantime...make sure you're being the best wife you can be in whatever way you can. Not that cheating husbands are the wife's fault...just that it might help, there could be some other issue causing them to stray.
Good luck, sorry for the lengthy answer, and email me if you want! (in my profile you can email me)

Answer 2

Most affairs begin at the work place. If you are uncomfortable about this then it is a problem for the marriage. It isn't just about being jealous. If he hasn't been unfaithful, never given you any reason to doubt him, you should still be concerned. There is always that first time and it is better to be watchful and prepared, than the wife who was the last to know.

When we are married we have a real living entity which has needs of its own seperate from the needs of each individual spouse. In order to keep a healthy marriage entity alive and well we need good solid communication, trust and a willingness to do what is in the best interest of that marraige.

Since you are feeling so uncomfortable I reccomend you follow your gut feeling about this. We often don't listen to what our gut tells us and live to regret it.

Talk with your husband some more and tell him you just feel so uncomfortable about this that it is causing you anxiety and worry where you shouldn't have it. Life is difficult enough without having such additional stress. Your husband deserves to have friends but not ones who his spouse finds threatening. You are feeling very threatened by this and you have every right to those feelings. Right or wrong these are your feelings and your husband should respect that simply because he loves you and doesn't wish to hurt you.

I agree only on the principle that this is causing you harm. It could very well be harmless, but it isn't harmless if you are feeling how you are. Talk with your husband and tell him you don't wish to accuse him of anything, but that you know affairs more often than not start in the work place simply because of the proximity. The availability of other people. Tell him that you are feeling threatened and are very uncomfortable. It is a matter of the marriage, a problem of the marriage because it is affecting you. If it affects one person negitively then it is something which affects the marriage. If he is insensitive to your needs or refuses to stop, then I reccomend you ask him why he would prefer to continue behavior which causes you hurt and discomfort. If he refuses, then that is a sign that it is more than he may be willing to even admit to himself.

Nobody wishes to be perceived as a jealous ninny who is possisive of their spouse and wishes to deny him/her friendship. However, this is an issue which must be resolved or you will build up resentments and it could very well lead to deeper issues within the marriage. If it hurts you then it is an issue and must be resolved.

I am not saying you are a jealous ninny, just that nobody wishes to be perceived that way and in trying to avoid that perception may not do what is needed to stop something before it gets out of hand. It is simply not OK to live with something which causes such emotional pain, worry, and stress.

I wish you the very best in resolving this with your husband. I also think you are wise to be on the lookout for possible trouble situations. It is better to be prepared than cought unaware. Trust is crucial, but blind trust is foolish.

Answer 3

All us married people should know better than to do anything that even gives off the appearance of impropriety, so, yeah, he's wrong.

On the other hand, my wife has a male friend who used to work with her and they have been emailing each other for years. He's divorced and I'm pretty sure he's attracted to her (maybe I'm a little prejudiced because I tend to think, "Who wouldn't be?" lol). However, it really doesn't bother me because I trust my wife. They really are exchanging jokes and current events and nothing more than that. It's just not worth it to me to get worked up over.

If the chick you're talking about is so much younger than your hubby, does that mean you two have been married for a long time? If so, ask yourself whether you trust your husband. Even if the two of them begin to flirt, as long as he is trustworthy, it is you who stands to benefit when he comes home every week horny on the day he works there!

Answer 4

I do believe that i would be uncomfortable about the situation for the mere fact that it is her personal email says alot and even if they do not have anything going on at the moment it definitely can lead to that he should consider your feeling in this matter and respect his wife the work email address I would of felt a little less concerned but when any relationship becomes personal (trouble) you know either first hand or through another female how feline women can be

Answer 5

Couple problems here. Your control and his lack of.

I've got co-workers, we have a company policy that we not slug up the email system with personal crap. Perhaps your husband (or his boss) needs to inform her of proper email etiquette. Business email should be used for business purposes.. Often young people tend to abuse electronic communications. It doesn't sound as if your hubby is doing anything wrong. It sounds like she is a typical ditzy receptionist. Perhaps needing to get told to grow up might help. Check the recipient list, my guess is the dimwitted bimbo has 100 people in her mailto address list and she is spamming everyone with this stuff, not just your hubby so it's just that SPAM.


2nd it's something outside your control. If you spend time reading emails that are sent to him you can make yourself very friggin' miserable if you choose too.

Ask him about the emails from her and whether they appropriate workplace issues. I think you are making more of it then it probably is.

Answer 6

This could go in a few directions. You could offend him thinking that he's involving himself into something he isn't. Or he'll agree that it's innappropriate and that it's upsetting you. Has his actions with you changed at all? It all depends on how he's behaving now, sure people get crushes all the time, but that doesn't mean they should pursue or entertain it. Especially once married, it's something you ignore and take for what it is - an insignificant crush. You putting a stop to it, or telling him that he can't talk to her would most likely make him angry and make him feel like a child that's being ordered around by his mother. Talk to him, adult to adult and voice why it is the situation is making you uncomfortable.

Answer 7

Absolutely NOT! He shouldn't be communicating with her on a personal level.

This is exactly how affairs get started......

He may be intrigued with the fact that he has the attention of a girl 15 years younger than he, and he is flattered by it. But,
the e-mailing must stop.

Answer 8

The issue is, if he doesn't understand why to stop, then he'll think you;re just being an itch. I don't e-mail women because it's puts me in a position that can allow inappropriate converstation. The more I focus on my wife, the more our relationship grows . .any distraction takes from that.

I suggest discussing with him your interest in bettering the relationship through complete devotion.

Answer 9

Hi Annie,

He is flattered with the attention by this younger woman. Even if it goes no further than email and cute jokes. He likes the attention.

You communicated directly with him, told him it was going to stop. There should be no need to conversation beyond this point. You are uncomfortable with it, and he should respect you and not return email from this woman.

Answer 10

Sweetie, I realise you're scared but if your husband is a good person, He will respect your wishes, If they're not sending each other anything raunnchy or sexual there shouldn't be anything bad going on anyways. You're being a little over protective, But that can be a good thing. I hope everythign works out sweetie. I do think you should let them talk though. They're office buddies. =^-^=