It's a Villanelle.
-Morning-
I always smile when I look to the skies.
In its gray-blue color, what do I see?
The beauty of morning is in his eyes.
The sweet morning brings me soft lonely sighs,
My first morning thoughts are of thee,
I always smile when I look to the skies.
When he stole my heart in a pirate's guize,
I said, "I love you most passionately."
The beauty of morning is in his eyes.
In the sun's rays, tokens of our love lie.
The sun on my face is his kiss to me.
I always smile when I look to the skies.
His love is the reason my tears are dry.
It's through his love that my heart is made free.
The beauty of the morning is in his eyes.
May we never have to say our good-byes,
May our love grow like the strong, old oak tree.
I always smile when I look to the skies,
the beauty of morning is in his eyes.
2007-08-09 07:46:21 · 11 answers · asked by Cinnibuns 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Wow! Thanks everyone! I'm glad you like it.
2007-08-09 08:37:49 · update #1
I can't reduce it a beat, Todd, because it has to be 10 beats. I didn't like it either, but the form must be followed.
2007-08-09 09:20:17 · update #2
What if I made it:
May we never have to say our good-byes,
May our love grow like the strongest oak tree.
I always smile when I look to the skies,
the beauty of morning is in his eyes.
2007-08-09 10:23:53 · update #3
Beautiful. Nicely done. Cinnamon. A couple minor nits:
guize should be guise.
Also you may want to find a way to reduce a beat in this line. It felt like one two many for the rhythm (not the syllables):
May our love grow like the strong, old oak tree.
Despite these minor issues, this is really excellent work. You handle forms very well.
Edit: I'm not saying lower your syllables. I may be explaining badly--I'm saying rework the line so the beats fall differently. If I were better at scansion I could touch on exactly where it breaks down I believe it is the stresses between strong old oak (probably old oak mostly). I would think that would be an easy rewrite for you. You're better at stresses than I am--so, I'll leave it to your judgment.
Edit 2: Much smoother. It cleared it up for me Cinn.
2007-08-09 08:47:25 · answer #1 · answered by Todd 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Standing Ovation!
Delicious!
You worked hard on this. Very polished. Professional.
2007-08-09 15:01:00 · answer #2 · answered by TD Euwaite? 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
"Gray should be grey..I always preferred that spelling..easier on the eye..."...and very excellent my dear..this could be about a lover ( probably not tyler) or God, and I noticed..was I off base? Good work...RV
2007-08-09 17:16:01 · answer #3 · answered by Monsieur Recital Vinyliste 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
That was awesome. Very beautiful. Wow.
2007-08-09 15:21:24 · answer #4 · answered by Dutch 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I absolutely love your poem. It is beautifully written. Could it also be an anti-aubade?
2007-08-09 15:24:18 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Annabella-VInylist 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
It is so well-written, very easy to read and relate. Great job.
2007-08-09 16:28:21 · answer #6 · answered by Dinosaur 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I know how that second stanza feels
I'm glad I read that.
2007-08-09 14:56:48 · answer #7 · answered by King Ebeneezer 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
Cinnamon isn't it time for you to loose your cherry and move in with someone?
2007-08-09 16:38:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
fabulous darling
2007-08-09 17:07:56 · answer #9 · answered by Philomena M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
& hearts ;
2007-08-09 15:03:39 · answer #10 · answered by *?{Emie}?* 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋