When my husband signed his divorce decree he gave custody to his ex-wife and now he has visitation (weekends, summers and holidays) because he was working the night shift and had nobody to be with the children at night. Quitting his job wasn't an option- he has been with his company for 7 years and children obviously require things that cost money. The children spend a lot of time with us outside of the visitation set up in the decree. We are going to discuss the posibility of joint custody with his ex-wife because now that he and I are married (and the three of us are on good terms) I work during the day and am home at night. However, if she has a problem with this what are our options from a legal stand point? She is a good mother and the children really enjoy spending time with us as well as her. We would like it in a court order just to be safe because you can't ever guess her moods and she tends to sometimes use the children as leverage against us.
2007-08-09 06:44:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NOTE: This is not an attempt to get out of paying child support or anything- we would be fine with having joint physical custody, her having sole legal custody and still paying child support to her.
2007-08-09 06:45:39 · update #1
When I say she uses them as leverage I mean that she will let us get them during the week when it is convenient for her but then when it comes time for our visitation (sometimes on the weekends but, mostly on holidays) she will say something to the effect of "no, I am getting them all day because I let you see them earlier in the week when it wasn't your visitation"
2007-08-09 06:49:58 · update #2
We are in Mississippi. The children are 6 & 4. The current agreement has been in effect for over 2 years.
2007-08-09 06:56:01 · update #3
Joint custody is the preferred situation, at least in my area.
I'd document the time you have the children, take them to activities, doctor's appointments, etc. If you can show that you have them for a consistent amount of time, that part should be relatively easy.
If this routine (with more hours spent with the dad's household) is the one the children are familiar and comfortable with, then it could be in the best interests of the children to get it officially confirmed.
2007-08-09 06:59:26 · answer #1 · answered by stenobrachius 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not all states have joint custody for one so you would need to check with your state to see if you can even do that. Also a year has to go by from the previous order in order to change it. Also if any of the children are 13 or older then can decide where they want to live. The chances well that is up to the judge and the ex wife. You will need to file for a modifcation and they will be able to tell you. It should cost you anything unless you need to hire an attorney and that could be alot of money. IF she agree's to it then it is a no never mind. So I would start with talking to her about it and see here feelings about it. You can make your own agreement and get it noterized that is a legal document also and will hold up in court. Your husband and exwife will both need to sign in front a notary. Unfortunatley even though you are married to him and will be taking care of the children while at your house, you have no say on any of this in the legal systems eyes what so ever.
2007-08-09 06:52:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont know what state you are in but child custody is determined by the amount the ex husband earns.To obtain his legal right for joint custody he will have to take her back to court. If his earnings have been reduced he might get a reduction in child support. He needs to get advice from an attorney. It might be that if he does finally get his share of the joint custody his child support might be reduced. Child support and custody is always a sticky situation, especially for the father. I will state that the laws concerning honest, paying fathers are just not fair! Full custody-doubtful unless he can prove her an unfit parent which is almost impossible in any state. My best advice is to see an attorney and see if he can get some of this turned around, since she hasnt kept her part of the joint custody.
2016-05-17 23:37:28 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is difficult to answer without knowing what state you are in, the ages of the children, how long the current custody arrangement has been in effect, etc.
Having said that, most courts are hesitant to change a custody order unless there have been significant changes that are detrimental to the child. Occasionally, the judge will speak to the child(ren), but that doesn't mean the decision will be what the kids want.
Your best chance for changing the current order (unless she agrees) is if the current schedule is close to (or equal to) shared custody and has been going on for an extended period of time.
2007-08-09 06:52:28 · answer #4 · answered by Hope G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You won't get the change if the mother does not agree to it.
The court is not going to grant joint custody so that the children can be with a step parent. If he ever stops working the night shift and will be home, then sure, go for the change, but until then, you will be throwing money away on attorneys and court fees.
There has to be a significant change in circumstances with a biological parent to have a change in custody happen. Nothing has changed other than getting married. His involvement with the children won't change, so there is no reason to change the children's schedule.
2007-08-09 07:13:55 · answer #5 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You need to have a court order that you can live with and abide by. It seems that you all are flying by the seat of your pants, and this WILL bite you in the butt eventually. The joint custody only effects decision making like who is the kids doctor or if they go to private school. This court action is going to cost you plenty, you guys need to decide if it is worth the cost to go through this.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Sounds like she is a real game player. If I were you, I would stick to your visitation orders, to the letter, take the friendship right out of that equation, it is going to come back on you later, trust me..The voice of experience.
2007-08-09 06:50:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should try posting on divorcenet, they have special forums for each state that is specific to state laws. I see one problem with her maybe not wanting to go joint, it may lower her child support. IDK about your state, but in cali if you have joint, then the child support goes way way down. currently, she has the best of both worlds, she gets full child support and she has reliable loving people taking care of her kids. If I were her, I would not give you joint, she already has plenty of free time on her own if you two are caring for the kids, and she is getting the money which is really hard to let go when you are used to it coming in
2007-08-09 07:00:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just talk to her. if she doesn't like the idea, leave well enough alone. don't rock the boat.
after all, your husband seems to be able to see the kids anytime he likes.
what could be better than that?
2007-08-09 06:47:38 · answer #8 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋