My wife had an affair, she threw me out of her house...?

Question

She still continues to see this other man. But says she wants her space to decide if we still have a chance to get back together. I told her I forgive her and want her back but she has to get rid of this guy. What do I do? I want her so bad but she said she needs space and time to decide. She will not go to counceling yet. We have kids together and I want to stay for their sake and keep family intact.

One problem with the house. It's not my house, it's her mothers house that we rent. Thats why I can't kick her out.

Answer 1

Her house and does she own it? She had an affair but didn't have the decency to keep it quiet for the sake of the family? She needs space? And you have told her that all would be well but she still sees this guy realizing the consequences?

I will try to keep this short. I went through this kind of thing many, many years ago. So the harsh facts...... she kicked you out and she is having the affair. You could beg, plead, talk endlessly and hope for the best. I did that. People have accused you of having no balls but I understand how it feels. Shoot, I was a rough and tough Army Green Beret when this happened to me........ when it comes to women and keeping your family together all bets are off.

But the deal is you need to change the power position so that YOU are making the decisions. You will need to do this regardless so if it does not work out you will be in a better position regarding child support, visitation and custody.

If you have no restraining orders or charges for domestic violence being married she can not deny you from living there. Yes it will suck but you are planting your flag. You can explain in court that you had concerns for your kids. You simply call the cops. If they see that you have no restrictions they will order her to let you in. If she makes a big deal it will be great in court later. Or they might take her away.

If she owns the house you go talk to a lawyer. Even if she does not since kids are involved there are many things that are possible. If she is having an affair, kicked you out, the guy goes over there, etc. etc. you might end up w. the kids, the house and child support.

She has already dumped you so the only possible way to attack this is to go "cold". No more big talks or "I love you".You move back in, initiate court proceedings or start figuring out what you can do because of the kids?

Odds are she will suddenly want to talk to you and explore getting back together. Odds are that the other guy will say the heck with this and dump her. If he was a true standup guy he would not want to be involved with a women who is like this or has not cleared up her past...... whatever sob story she gave. He will tire of her, not want to hear about it constantly and leave her. Your wife will go "uh oh, real life intrudes".

In my case I had someone tell me this. Many things happened but in the end I knew that this was the way to go. This person who I put on a pedastl in the light of what happened........ she was not the one and did not deserve what I was giving. It was not me.

Now I am remarried and have someone that I could trust my very life with. Someone who I know that even if one day things went south she would never try to destroy me. And someone that when I am 85 will still not make me think about how I can't really trust her because of what happened years ago. That is the definition of marriage... trust.

Never say this but...... if you feel the need to talk email me.

Answer 2

I think you got this backward from the beginning. Unless you have a restraining order on you get back into the house ASAP. Get a lawyer and a private detective and have the affair recorded on tape. Have her arrested on charges of adultery (a crime still on the books in many states) and get a restraining order placed on her.
Once you have control back of your house and your kids then you can decide on whether you want to forgive your wife or not. If she's the one cheating don't reward her bad behavior by voluntarily leaving. This is the 21st century buddy. Don't be a sucker and let your wife push you around.

Answer 3

I feel your pain Man! Its a very sad situation for you. I f you read questions I had posted before you will know I went through the same you are going through with only exception I was left in the house and she moved out with kids. Same excuse she needs time and space.
My Suggestion is try as hard as you can if you want but she anit coming back man. Don't get fooled around. Contact a divorce attorney right now and start planning I waited too long and I lost, She ended up with Kids, Child Support and HER BF.
I would suggest try to have kids as often as you can even for few nights if possible if you want custody later down the road.
Don't leave any money in your joint names.
Just make sure you have an attorney and make every move with his consultation.

I would go and get restraining order and get kids out of her possession and this will help you in custody battle later too
Good Luck

Answer 4

My, you are a brave one. Most of us just want to vomit after our spouse has cheated... and the old adage of "Once a cheater...." looms up, and well as "The only thing good reheated is stuffed cabbage" had to come from somewhere. If this isn't enough, any counselor worth his/her salt will tell you that less than 25% of marriages with betrayal survive 2 years, and this is if both wish t save it, and with counseling.... Hon, you're being kept as "the Jerk in Reserve". No way does this lady have for you the things your marriage needs... Respect, Admiration, Passion and Trust. No way can you trust her, she's shared the Passion with someone else, and the Respect and Admiration are in the toilet... You, sweetie, love what you thought you had, and what you thought she was... and them thar things just ain't the same. You certainly are an honorable guy, wishing to keep your family intact, but it isn't what the mother of your children wants....

You asked, "What do I do?" You, hon go into counseling for a few sessions and find out why you are willing to settle for so little. She has none of those four biggies for you, and won't ever, for whatever reason. Betrayal is the deal buster, hon. When you get your head back on straight you'll see that, and realize how unhappy a future you will have if you are the only one who wants this relationship to continue... Life is so short, and love with a lovely person tooooo wonderful to try to unscramble an egg. If you are a lovely man, there is a lovely lady out there who wants to be your faithful wife.... Get rid of this one, get your head together, and find her... She's on Match.com, e-Harmony, Yahoo Personals, and a dozen other sites... and she got done to you what got done to you.
Good luck, sweetie....

Answer 5

I'm betting on this...
that she has already decided that the marriage is over, and she needs you out of the way.
It's just the first step in getting rid of you.
Later she will tell you that she wants a divorce.
Space my a.s.s....she just wants you out of the way.
Move back in. Don't let her control the situation. It's bad for your custody rights if she proves in court that you left the home where the children live.
How do I know? Because I did that to my first husband, not all of that, but part of that...the getting him out of the house to get rid of him part. I didn't use it against him in court, we had joint custody.
You only have one chance at saving your marriage, and that's to move back home and refuse to be a doormat. Maybe if my husband had fought for the marriage, it wouldn't have ended. I'm really be honest here...I'm ashamed to admit what I did, but I do know that if he had tried to break through and really tell me he loved me, the story might have ended differently. Your wife is controlling the matter because you are letting her. It still may end in divorce, but you only have one shot at this point in saving what you had, and yes, it partially depends on just how wonderful this other guy is treating her, because she may be to the point of shutting you out of her heart entirely.
She obviously felt neglected when she sought out the affair guy, so it's probably not all her fault that things are falling apart.
That's how women work.
Show her what I wrote and ask her how much of it is true.

Answer 6

YOU NEED TO ACT FAST!!!

Take the house back.
Get help with taking care of the kids.
Kick her butt out.
She is the one who had the affair. She should be the one forced to start a new life.
Create a seperate bank account.
Take half the money at least.

If she has to go live with her parents so be it.

Remember people want to be with their equal not someone who will do everything they say or try and buy their affection.

You need to step up and be her equal. Accepting her crap now will only hurt you in the long run.

Divide up the bills FAIRLY.
How payment is 50/50 until you both decide what to do with it.
Her car payment is hers and your car payment is yours.
Stuff like cable goes to the person who uses it.
ALL credit cards need to be close and paid of ASAP.
Create a budget to pay everything off.
Its important to have custody of the children because then she will not have an excuse to ask you for money. In fact since you will have the kids you should be getting child support from her, but hold off for ask for it until she starts to complain about not having much money.
She needs to figure out to live within her own means.

Her affair is an attempt to escape her own life and stick you with the bill. What you need to do is give her COMPLETE freedom and let her come to the decision on how much freedom she can afford. Remember the other guy will not want to pay for her kids and if by some stupidity she moves in with him you can use the guys income to determine how she pays you for child support or how much you don't have to pay her.

Affair are dreams of trying to get a perfect life. If you take the steady path you will out last her foolishness.

Finally, you need to work on yourself to become more independant. If you want to keep someone's love you need to always be their equal in their eyes. Figure out how to do that and do it.

Answer 7

Dude, she's with somebody else, and she kicked you out so she can do the deed with NewGuy without worrying about you coming home early.

What kind of doormat are you? She's not interested in you. She doesn't respect you. Why the heck would you want to be with somebody who doesn't respect you and isn't interested in you? The only reason she's sending mixed signals is because she's afraid the NewGuy may not work out, and then she can use you again until she meets NewGuy2.

Have some dignity for God's sake.

Answer 8

You seem like a push over and your wife probably want to be with the other guy because she threw you out of her house. My only advice be a man stand up for yourself you should not have forgiven her so easily maybe she might in the end have some respect for you.

Answer 9

Never, ever, ever, stay just for the sake of the kids. You aren't doing them any favors by raising them in a house that is full of anger, resentment, hostility, arguments and general misery.

She left you, threw you out and is trying to decide what she wants while still seeing another man. Sounds like code for wanting to have her cake and eat it, too....at least until something goes wrong in her relationship with him and she can have you to fall back on. If she were truly trying to decide if she wanted to stay married to you, she would be alone right now and taking time to clear her head.

I suggest you tell her that she has to stop seeing this man and either take time alone to think or work things out with you. If she refuses to give him up, then you will file for divorce and visitation, if not custody, of the kids. Then stick to the terms of your ultimatum. She is doing you and the kids emotional harm and does not get all the time in the world to make a decision. Give her a deadline of no more than one week.Take a stand and make her decide. Any relapses result in a quick trip to a lawyer.

Answer 10

Sorry for your situation but I have to ask, Did she keep your balls?

Lets put this into a guys perspective.
She is the liar and cheat. She is the one banging the other guy. What on this green planet did you move out for?
Why is the liar caring for your children?
DUDE!!!!!!!
GET BACK IN YOUR HOUSE!
TAKE BACK YOUR HOME.
If she does not want to be there SHOW HER THE DOOR.

Get up off your stomach and quit letting her walk on you.
Go see a lawyer and start the paperwork and for goodness sake regain you backbone. Do not let the lying, cheating,
***** get away with this.
Running you out of your own house is NOT good for your kids. Staying there and fighting for your family is.
You do not have to turn your back on this.
Move back home and tell her you're not the cheat and you are not the one who wants out. If she wants out let her move her butt to where ever .

MAN UP.
Take back your life.

Whatever you do DO NOT raise your voice and do not lay a finger BUT she has ZERO right to ask you to move out.

Stay in your house and keep this guy out from under your roof.
Put the cheat on the street and see how fast the other guy dumps her. Do you think this clown wants to move a cheat in for more than a month.

IF SHE NEEDS "SPACE" IT IS AVAILABLE ALL OVER JUST NOT UNDER YOUR ROOF.