Ok, this is the story, my husband and I have been together off and on for about 9 years. In between, I have dated woman. The last time I had a girlfriend, it ended badly. So, I married him, I figured I was in love because, you know, I would always go back to him. But, 6 months now, I am more miserable than I have ever been. I am not sexually attracted to him anymore, and I yearn to be with a woman again. I just don't know what to do. He has been my best friend for years, and, well, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!
I need serious answers, please, this whole thing is making me sick, literally sick, like hospitalized sick with stress. I would like some advice, and I know, it is MY problem.
MANY THANKS!!!
2007-08-09 06:00:03 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It sounds like you care for him as a friend, but not the way a wife cares for her husband. It seems that you married him on the rebound from your relationship with the woman and that you keep coming back to him because he is a friend and makes you feel safe and secure.
There is no way that either of you will be happy in that situation. Its not fair to you or to him to continue like this. You deserve the chance to find a partner, man or woman, that you are happy with. He deserves the same.
Tell him the truth. Be open and honest about your feelings and who you are. Then, you can hopefully have an amicable divorce.
Your stress over who you are and the choices you have made is seriously affecting your health. Maybe you need to learn to fully accept that you are a lesbian or bisexual. If you can't do it alone, consider joining a support group or going to therapy..or both!
2007-08-09 06:16:54 · answer #1 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I truely believe and you do also in your heart that the truth must be told to your husband. There are ways to talk to him about this. But not saying anything isnt exactly working either right? They say ( society ) that we come out of the closet. Well i was never in the closet. The closet is dark and lonely, you can't really relate to anyone for fear of being found out. What kind of life is that? Don't torture yourself or husband by living a lie for another 20 years like some do. He will be hurt because he is human and probably does love you. But at this point to love him back he needs the truth from you and you both go from there.This is the best advice i can give you because i do not know your entire situation. But i can firmly say without a doubt let the TRUTH prevail. MsHUNNI
2007-08-09 13:59:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is there other factors besides you wanting a woman? Stress can cause many things, take your time and make sure you know what you want. If his is your best friend and you really do care then you shouldn't be hurting him. Maybe time apart with NO woman on the side. Time by yourself might make you realize what you really want! You need to break away from everything to truly see what you want!
Now the man in me says don't leave him just have him join in!! Then you can have the best of both worlds! He get 2 woman the one he loves and you can have your woman. Both are happy and you all can live one big happy family!!
Sounds good to me where do I sign up!!! Again this is the man in me aka a pig!
2007-08-09 06:10:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
EXCUSE ME IF I AM WRONG OR MY ANSWER IS not realistic, same like you, I think it is a serious matter.
my suggestions are :
1. If I were you, I will not tell my husband YET.
2. I will go to several (at least 2) counselors first ; not inly 1 because I want several opinions,
See if the lesbian thing can be cured.
Why dont you try to :
Be a mother, I mean try to be pregnant, maybe you will become a pure woman.
I can imagine that it's a hard fighting in your being, but it is worth to try.
You can go to a Zen center, it's a practice to find your innerself.
Keep be kind to your husband, he doesn't need to know; unless he find out himself, tell him you try hard to be "normal".
Sex is not the most important thing in life, be somebody you want to be is much more important.
Have objective in life which has nothing to do with sex.
I wish I can help, I really think you have a problem , a serious one.
2007-08-09 13:52:53 · answer #4 · answered by bill s 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you were attracted to your husband at one point, it seems more likely that you bisexual as opposed to lesbian. That being the case, would you consider a poly relationship in which you could bring in a third (female) who you and your husband could both enjoy being with?
If started honestly and addressed properly, poly relationships can work well for all parties involved.
One of the reasons I suggest this is because I noticed that you did not say you no longer loved your husband, only that you are no longer attracted to him.
Yes it is your problem but it is effecting both of your lives so of course you want to find a way to resolve this. Talk it over with him, be honest and see what the two of you can come up with. Good luck to you.
2007-08-09 06:13:58 · answer #5 · answered by Rebecca W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The way I see it, these are two completely separate issues.
1. If you want to divorce your husband, then have a real reason for it. You don't love him. You aren't happy. You don't enjoy his company. He's keeping you from being happy. Whatever.
2. After you're separated/divorced, THEN pursue the lesbian thing.
It's a slap in the face to tell him, basically, that being with any woman is better than being with him. Does he deserve that??
Was he not aware of your past???
2007-08-09 06:23:28 · answer #6 · answered by §αғịỳỳẩ² Ẫ†нэậ†ị 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I must say that it is quite a problem you have, but the first thing would be like most have suggested, would be to find a councilor or a laywer. Having gone through a marriage such as this myself. After you've talked to and found your options out of such a prediciment.
The best move is to follow your heart. If someone makes you happy, you should move towards them, but this is just really the things that I practiced. If he ignores you, as I assume he most likely would, and if he truely thought of you as your best friend. He would understand your desires, and want to talk with you through them. A best friend would be there through you regardless.
Anyways, thank you for taking the time to read my advise.
P.S. We've got a mutual friend. She asked me to try and give you some sage advice. *Bows*
2007-08-09 16:38:54 · answer #7 · answered by Yoshimaru T 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may be a lesbian, you may be bisexual, or just confused and feeling you made the wrong decision no matter what your sexual orientation.
You needn't tell your husband that you are a lesbian if you aren't sure that you are, but if the marriage isn't right then do let him know...if counseling won't help fix things, then go your separate ways. You two are apparently not a good romantic match (if you can't fix the situation) no matter if you are or are not a lesbian.
2007-08-09 06:04:22 · answer #8 · answered by . 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope this doesn't come across as harsh but it seems to me you have no idea what you want. And I'll bet you married this poor guy because he was a safe choice and not out of love. I get this because you say you could always go back to him, which after your divorce I believe will no longer be the case. I wish you luck and even more to your husband.
2007-08-09 06:10:41 · answer #9 · answered by ogrething2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you guys have been best friends for years just tell him your feelings. I believe he may get upset but he will understand why you are stressed. You guys will be able to figure out a solution together. Just speak from the heart and pray.
2007-08-09 06:10:29 · answer #10 · answered by Jimmie B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋