What would You Do About An Abusive Boyfriend?

Question

I am very confused and angry on what i should do about a problem that i am having...My bf and i have been together for 8 years, it hasnt been the best for about the last 4...We have a 2yr. together and im afraid that his abusive ways are going to destroy our son. I dont want our son to develop these habits. My bf grew up around this with his parents and has a bad temper, hits things, spits in my face ( as of last night) he had never went that far before and today i just dont know what to do. I still have contact with my family but i am not as close with them as i use to be since i have been with him. So i feel that i have no place to go and i have a child to worry about...I want to leave but dont know where to go or what to do..We just cant get along anymore,money is an issue as well. My son will walk up to the wall and slap it for no reason..im just afraid that my bf has done it enough now that its to late.all i can do anymore is cry b/c im afraid its to late..any adivce is helpful

Answer 1

Here is my advice (after having lived a similar situation with my ex-husband).

GET OUT AND GET OUT NOW! Go stay with a friend, a relative, go to a shelter, whatever. But just GET OUT NOW. It will not stop or end anytime soon (actually, not at all) and this is just BAD for your son. He will grow up believe that violence is what relationships are all about and that is NO WAY to think.

PLEASE, GET OUT IMMEDIATELY. What happened to me was this. I just woke up one morning and thought, "This is life,t his is not a dress rehearsal. There has got to be more than this out there for me."

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't easy. I was alone for about 8 years but when I wasn't looking, BAM, I met my current husband and have never been happier. That wouldn't have happened if I stayed where I was.

Now, do whatever you have to do and GET OUT NOW!

Answer 2

Any woman that stays in that type of relationship has serious image issues. Dominant men find your weaknesses and exploit them, making it that much harder to leave. They ruin your self-esteem, make you question your self-worth, and generally reduce your ego to nothing. Given all that, it becomes increasingly more difficult to leave that relationship because the woman will feel like she can't do any better, and in some cases will actually feel that they deserve the abuse they are forced to take. The bottom line is that nobody is better than anyone else. Nobody deserves to be abused, mentally or physically. Men who treat women that way are actually weaker than the women they hurt. There are lots of men out there who will treat women as they should be treated... with respect. There is absolutely no benefit to being in an abusive relationship. Those small fleeting moments of happiness when he does something nice are all negated by all the badness. I hear women say "but he does the nicest things for me" or "he loves me". If he loved you, he would treat you as an equal and not as a punching bag, physical or otherwise. Leaving a relationship can be a scary thing. And with your self-esteem ruined, you will have doubts as to whether you can meet someone else. The first thing you have to do is rediscover yourself. Think of yourself as the person you once were, and the person you want to be. If you act as though you are the person you want to be... Eventually, it won't be an act.

Answer 3

Hello
I believe you should leave the relationship because you are worth more than that. You also have to think about your son who will probably develop the same negative behaviors. It will not be easy but it is possible. You really have to just do it-Say positive daily affirmation about yourself, so that you realize you deserve better. Reconnect with your family they are great support system. If you bf is willing to get counseling, you may have a chance in the future, but for now you must leave. Stay strong and prayerful. Life is a journey, you have to guide it where you want it to go.

Answer 4

Please if not for your own safety for your son's get out of there yesterday.
I was raised up in a abusive home like this, I have seen my mother get abused many times. If I had a choice between living with my father abusing her or living on the street I think I would chose the street. It was the worst part of my whole life. It has so much bearings on my life even today and I am 46 years old now.
I am speaking for your 2 year old son, Please find a better place for him. It is not to late to protect him from this man. Try to find all the resources you can such as family members explain to them what is going on and that you need there help. Contact family and children's services to see if they can help. Contact your church or call one and see if they can help. Or maybe run a add in your paper to try to find a livein with a elderly person for room and board in exchange for taking care of them. Just do what ever it takes for your precious son to have a chance at a normal life.

Answer 5

First you should not stand for ant type of abuse and it is damaging to your children to see this going on.
No guy has the right to act like this to any one let alone their girl Friends it sounds like he has no care for any one else but him self and bad temper is not a good excuse ,The abuse will only get worse and worse until you are half killed or your boy Friend starts abusing the children.So get you and your child out and get a decent guy that loves you and let this boy Friend go and see if he can get some one any better than you to abuse.And your son is showing the signs of frustration and it could be caused to the abuse he has seen already.If you have trouble leaving then get police help or seek a woman's refuge ..but get out now

Answer 6

So go to a women's shelter. There's a reason you've been together for 6 years, no marriage, and now another 2 years with a child and no marriage. Was he too abusive for you to marry? You might need some counseling, which the shelter will provide. In your next relationship, please, no sex until you are married. Better yet, wait until your child is 18, and then no sex until marriage. I don't think you pick the greatest of men, or at least haven't this time, so please no bringing any other guys in and out of your child's life. Good luck.

Answer 7

Get out now!!! the abuse will only get worse. Your son is young and can learn the correct way to act. I left an abusive husband and my kids were picking up his habits. They are 8 & 3 and have slowly learned how to respect me, themselves and others. Call your parents. You will be amazed at the support you will receive once you actually leave. You can do it on your own and you will be so much happier and healthier because of it.

Answer 8

Take that son of yours, and get out of there. Even if your not that close with your family, they will still help you in some way. That is what family is all about. You and your son shouldn't have to deal with someone like that, ever!!!!!! I hope things work out for you!

Answer 9

Read:
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize it and How to Respond by Patricia Evans (Author)
This book is available at amazon.com.

Contact your family. Ask for their help in leaving this relationship.

If they are unable to assist you, call the domestic violence shelter or local churches. Keep calling until you find someone who will help.

You need to leave. You owe it to your son. You don't want him to grow up disrespecting and abusing women. Leave now. You have survived abuse. You are stronger than you think. You can survive leaving the relationship. Good luck to you.

Answer 10

hi .. i'm sorry to hear this.

i suppose that if you can't find someone to stay with temporarily, you will have to work, save up the money to move, and then get out.

you're not doing your son or yourself any favors by tolerating domestic violence.

haven't you called the police or made a report when he is abusive? you need to.... spitting in your face is assault... hitting or destroying things is domestic violence.

take care of YOU... and that child...