How do you truly forgive another... when you can't forget?

Question

I feel like I forgive people who have wronged me... but I must be in denial because whenever I'm hurt AGAIN by that person I seem to recall the bigger more painful hurts as well. It's not that I want to... I just don't know how not to. Is there a secret to making past pains vanish entirely and forgiving completely?

Answer 1

if you find the answer, please, let me know!!

Answer 2

You should always forgive, but some things you are not supposed to forget. That's the way the brain works to protect you. Even though you are not angry or upset with someone for something they may have done, you should still remember things. If you didn't how would you ever protect yourself from being hurt the same way again. I used to feel guilty when I found myself unable to forget things that I have long since forgiven but you know what? People are people. They are not perfect and you have to be able to avoid being hurt by their imperfections. Not saying that you should throw things back in people's faces whenever you want to make a point, but don't let anyone make you feel wrong because you can't forget things that have had a big impact on you. If you did something to hurt someone, do you honestly think they would completely forget it? It would be nice right? But things don't work like that. Be easier on yourself, you're just being a human being.

Answer 3

The truth is, that you will probably never forget...but there is hope for forgiveness. We can not forget when someone does us wrong, memories do not go away.
The reason that you recall the more painful hurts whenever you are hurt again is because you have never fully healed from what that person has done to you in the past. Healing is a process and it takes time.
You will find that as you are healed, that yes, you will remember what happened, but the feelings and emotions of that pain will not be as severe.
Ask God to work a healing in your life. He is God enough to work a miracle, but sometimes it is just a slow healing process. It can be done...have faith, have hope...and have forgiveness!
Your friend,
Totally His

Answer 4

I think if this person or people in the future that hurt you still hurt you after the first few times, you need to stop seeing them. You need to take them out of your life because you can't have happiness when there is always something or someone that you're nagging yourself about because they hurt you and you don't know whether or not to forgive them. You can't make past pains vanish, but you can help it by covering it up with happy and mamorable times with ones you truly enjoy. If the person that is hurting you is an ex, and they won't leave you alone or you keep comiting to a relationship with them even though they've hurt you in the past, you need to find someone else. They will have to eventually leave you alone. When that person has accepted they can't be with you they will see how much they've hurt you. Then (months after the last time you saw them) if they apologize, genuinely, then you may forgive them. Don't continue to see them, it will only fall into a similar pattern. You have to show yourself that you don't have to forget, completely, past event; just put them behind you and strive for happier relationships.

Hope I helped. ♥ Peace and good luck!

Answer 5

Well..... God said If you forgive others you will also be forgiven by my Father in Heaven. What i mean is that even though your brain may not forget u still have to forgive and not dwell in the past or keep bringing it up to that person because that is not truly forgiving. Just avoid that person who hurt u but forgive them anyway because if your a believer in the Lord thats what he wants u to do.

Answer 6

Forgiven does not mean forgotten. If you forgot all the bad things you went through in your life than how would you know not to do the same mistake again. True forgiveness is not throwing it up in the persons face and staying friends and helping the person no matter what. To get past it you just set your mind and heart to the fact you will not hold what happen against the other person.

Answer 7

When you carry grudges for something someone has done to hurt you, you end up hurting yourself. The anger festers and it is all you are able to think about. You CAN forgive someone for wrongs that have been done; it will make you happier, healthier and more pleasant to be around. You don't necessarily need to forget. It is good to remember so you can avoid being hurt again. You don't need to be another's doormat and you may have to step away from someone who continues to put you in the position of being hurt again. Forgive and then get on with your life and try to surround yourself with people who are more respectful of your feelings.

Answer 8

the secret is forgiveness, you have to be able to completely let go of the pain with what happened. most often this is really hard, and in some situations the people don't deserve you're forgiveness. maybe you should move on from the people that hurt you time after time, what it comes down to is life is to short, and you cant waste it on people like that.

Answer 9

You know, I heard someone speak about forgiveness once and what they said has always stuck with me. They said that it's not about "forgiving and forgetting." As humans, we can't completely forget about past hurts, no matter how much we want to. They said, "True forgiveness is knowing what happened in the past, but choosing to forgive anyway." It's about realizing that we all make mistakes and making the decision to not hold grudges against people. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 10

Ok. This is a hard but good question. After I got engaged to my now husband but before we were married I found out he lied about something that I straight out asked him for the truth (and if I would have known the truth in the begining I would never have said yes). I loved him so much I thought I could get over it. So I made him sweat a bit but then I forgave him. I found out I used this against him, if I wanted a certain thing and we were fighting i would bring it up. It sucked! Our marrige suffered a lot. So I have since decided I wont bring it up, sometimes I still think about it, but less and less each fight. I try hard to think of all the good things that out way the bad. My biggest advice is the lessyou talk about it, or get mad at them about it, the more you'll forget. You might think about it for a long time, but if you keep it in your head it's better for all. This is of course depends on what the person did. Somethings are harder to forget about. I do not know if this helped at all but I hope it did. Good luck!

Answer 11

i think that to forgive and forget is unreal because there is a teaching in hurtful every hurtful situation. i think to truly forgive someone is not to forget but rather to begin to let go of the pain associated with that memory. begin to let go of the pain and learn from what happened because you never know if sometime in the future you'll be able to help another in a similar situation...