Should I end it with my girlfriend because of the debt her mother put on her?

Question

Okay so I know the title of this question seems really shallow but I have been dating this girl for 8 months now and we're both very serious about one another. Just recently it was discovered by both her and I that her mother had opened credit cards in her name and had put her $13,000 + in debt. After first talking about this I was livid that her mother would do that to her, and my girlfriend still let her off the hook as her mother claimed she was "trying to make ends meet". None the less we let 2 months ride out and while she is making payments they aren't making a dent since she isn't paying off enough and all of which are late. The story gets worse as my girlfriend had some medical issues to which her father agreed to pay 75% of the cost and the mother 25% (parents are divorced), and none the less it was once again found out that the mother neglected to pay any of the bill. Anyways I need some advice as to what I should do! Please help!

Answer 1

Your GF needs to press charges against her mother for fraud. If she refuses, you have your answer. This won't be the last time her mother does this to her. If she doesnt' stand up to her now, she won't ever and if you stay together and eventually get married- it will become your problem.

Answer 2

I had a similar circumstance happen and here is my suggestion. Tell ur gf that she needs to hold her mom accountable for the debt and ask her 2 go see a lawyer, first consultation is free. Have her tell him whats happening and he can advise her further, which may include taking her mom 2 court for the credit card bills, court costs and her atty fees, this is fraud.
IF your gf is willing to do this then yes by all means you stand by her and support her.
IF she refuses, then you have one of 2 choices: 1 u still stick by her as relationships are give and take and sometimes not 50/50...BUT u have her put a stop in her moms getting credit in her name by calling all 3 credit reporting agencies and telling them what happened, they can advise and stop her mom from doing it again, then you just hope that her mom will pay off all debt, but during that time which at minimum payments could take over 20yrs ur gf will have a terrible debt to income ratio which may stop her from signing a mortgage or car loan or whatever with u should u 2 decide 2 go to the marriage level.
2...u tell her that (and we hope she's at least 18) she should be old enuf 2 cut the strings b'tween her mom and herself concerning who owes who and if she wants a relationship with u she needs 2 make a choice.
Remember this, relationships are not "cut and dry", they are a work in progress...if she didn't know that her mom was doing this, then lemme ask u this,say she had a disease that placed her in the hospital or on medical care for the rest of her life, would u bail out then? She didn't cause this debt to happen, so for that u don't bail. She CAN do something about this problem, if she refuses then i mebbe can understand ur wanting 2 bail.

Answer 3

Wow, this is a tough one. I would suggest that your girlfriend take her mother to court and have the debt made to be her mothers legal responsibility. The medical bills should already be in the name of the parents, but if they are not then she will also have to have that changed by the court. This is assuming that the medical bills were from when she was a minor.

If she is not willing to make her parents responsible for the debt, then you have to decide if you and she see eye to eye in financial matters. Finances are one of the top reasons married people argue and a big contributor to divorce. If you and she do not share the same financial views and goals, it would be a very rocky relationship.

You have a future to think of here. What would it be like when you try to buy a house with her? What hardships would you face when you marry and have children with her and this debt is hanging over your heads? What will you do when the two of you are trying to save for retirement and she cannot contribute because her mother has racked up even more debt? What about when you are trying to buy a car or take out a loan to cover home improvements? Her credit is a big deal and it will affect things down the road.

Personally, I had an ex husband that ran up debt for years in his parents names. I told his mother to take him to civil court and to prosecute him when he kept doing these things. She never did. Now, she and her husband have no retirement savings, horrible credit and a load of debt. If I would advise a mother to take it to court when it was her own child, I can't say the opposite to a child who is deep in debt due to a mother.

BTW, its not just $13,000.00. You have to add in monthly interest for years to come, annual fees and add to that the fact that your girl will get higher interest rates on any loans or credit she applies to for years.

Answer 4

I don't think you should leave her for these reasons. This stuff can all be worked out one way or another. You need an attorney (or your gf does). You can't let the Mother get away with this and it sounds like your gf needs you to take control of the situation because she doesn't know how to deal with it. Talk to an attorney who will give you a free consultation about getting the debt cleared because it was fraudulent. You don't necessarily have to press charges against the Mother, but you surely need to clear your name of debt you did not incur. Your story does not indicate that you are having problems in your relationship w/your gf and you say you are serious about each other.. rough times hit every couple in existence and it is how you deal with them that determines whether or not you have a successful partnership. Keep your cool and get some professional help to clear up the mess. Best wishes.

Answer 5

Before reading the whole story, I was very annoyed by your question, but after consideration I understand where you're coming from. And this is happening when you haven't even got married. It would certainly make me wonder what I am getting myself into.
Yes, it looks like your girlfriend is a bit too lenient with her mum. Obviously nobody would want her to go to the police, but the fact is, there's also you to take into account. Did she ask you what you thought about it? What were your feelings?
Don't rush into anything, and if you haven't moved in together, well definitely don't do it now!
It seems that parents and daughter think that once you're married you'll take care of everything.
Well, you do seem to have serious doubts about not only the parents, but your girlfriend commitments to you and her judgement too and it's completely understandable. So, see how you feel and if needs be take some time apart.
Good luck .xxx

Answer 6

She needs to call the credit card companies and tell them that the charges are fraudulent and that the card(s) are not hers. I know that this will cause friction with her mother, but her mother should have thought of that before she got cards in her daughter's name. That is not love, that is a crime. She's putting her daughter at a severe disadvantage by messing up her credit. As to the medical bills, the only way to get that resolved would be for her father to take her mother to court to make her pay. Also, she could get her father involved in fixing the credit issue (since I'm assuming she's still a minor). Don't break up with her. She needs your support. Plus, the charges aren't her's so all she needs to do is prove to the credit card company that she didn't apply for a card then she (your girlfriend) won't have to pay them. Good luck!

Answer 7

Tough situation. If you love someone you are supposed to be with them in good times and bad. Yes the mother is wrong, so wrong for what she did and she could go to jail. That is fraud. If you are serious you would talk to the girlfriend and let her know that she needs to put some tough love and the mom and have her help out and put more on those credit cards. I wish you both the best of luck.

Answer 8

You do not want to get financially tied to your girlfriend, because then that ties you to her financially abusive mother. Stuff like this can ruin your girlfriends credit rating for decades, making it hard to get credit, or even get a job (employers are now doing credit checks on potential employees).

But your girlfriend needs help. Perhaps counseling can help her understand why she lets her mom use her in this way?

If your girlfriend is under 18, I'd contact one of the child protective services and see if they have any advice.

If your girlfriend is an adult, she may be able to put a note on her credit that says she has to be notified for approval for new credit requests. Then she *should* say no.

One last thing: She should be able to cancel the credit cards her mom took out, or at least get her name taken off.

Answer 9

Please don't leave your girlfriend over this debt if you truly love each other. Love is hard to find.

Instead, maybe your girlfriend should turn off her credit (this is possible, but she wont have access to any type of credit, like purchasing a car and so on). she needs to contact the credit bureau to see if there is any recourse.

Small claims court could help, but in the end, I don't think her mom would pay up.

Your girlfriend should file bankruptcy to get out from under the debt. She should legally change her name, something her mother should never be let in on, and try to reclaim her life.

Answer 10

Yes, you should end it with her. Not because of the situation she is in, but because you would ask that question. She is in a tough enough situation, she deserves someone better. She deserves someone that will stand behind her during a rough time. Yes, she needs to distance and protect herself from a mother that would do that to her. That is a lesson she must learn. That doesn't mean she can or should just stop loving her mother. It may take her a long time to get out of the hole her mom put her in, however it can be done and credit can be repaired. On the other hand, perhaps something good came out of her problem if she finds out that she can't count on her bf in tough times. Obviously not a relationship with any staying power. Hope you never find yourself in a situation where you find out someone you love isn't willing to stand behind you when you need them the most.

Answer 11

Your gf needs to hold her mother accountable for the bills or press charges that the accounts were opened without her knowledge and are not her responsibility (mom can figure out how to pay the bills and deal with fraud).

If gf refuses to take action, then I don't see that as a reason to break up but I definitely wouldn't consider living together and sharing bills, or marrying, until she's got her finances back under control.

Another issue to consider though, is would Mom do this again in the future and would your gf tolerate it again? If you and she plan a long term relationship, this may be an issue that crops up again and again...