I met my husband on new year's eve into 2006 .we moved in together six months later and then got married two months after that. well, shortly after , he bagan to txt other women and emialing them , chatting with them online . I found out by checking his cell & seeing the msgs he sent an received, I was hurt and crushed and for 4months , kept checking hoping he would stop. finally at the end of April we sat down and cleaned out our dirt closet and he said the reason it went on for so long was because it became a competition for his ego, to show that I had no control of what he did and should stop snooping and things would change.In June me still being wounded, checked his phone , this time he had set me up with a txt msg frm a male friend pretending to be a girl.He said he was tired of my snooping and wanted a dirvoce. later , we both sat down and resovled this and I bared all my hurt , everything.after that , I had not had a need to snoop and search thru his things coz secure
2007-08-09 05:02:55 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
for two months , I have not touched his stuff to snoop but now he feels I went thru his wallet and has given me this doom's day warning of "you do what you do and i will do what I do".he has said nthing of a dirvore but I fear hinm going back to his old tricks because of this. i feel like I have worked hard to be wher I am , not an insecure person and mending the marriage. he has worked hard too and I appreciate that.But now , while I have been working toward correcting my mistakes he still thinks I am up to no good.I am drained. 50% of me wants to leave and let him be and 50% wants to stay for one last try.I love him dearly and have invested a lot into my marriage , emotionally . what should I do , stay or go.
2007-08-09 05:10:54 · update #1
He's deflecting his guilt onto you by blaming you for the snooping.
A leopard doesn't change his spots. Three strikes, he's out, IMO.
Good luck!
2007-08-09 05:07:10 · answer #1 · answered by mamarat 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Well, it is a very tricky situation. You are married to someone that plays mind games with you...which is disrespectful to you. As far as the snooping, you more than likely had a gut feeling something was going on...and ya caught him. You aren't a foul person, you are just wanting to know if he is faithful. He should not ever make you feel like you need to snoop. He should make you feel secure. I would say go and see a counselor with him. If he says no, divorce him. I am sorry that you have to go through this. No one really wants to face these obsacles in marriage, do they? Stay the strong woman you are, you will get through this...with or without him. Good luck! ;)
2007-08-09 05:18:27 · answer #2 · answered by boredatwork 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Only you can make up your mind, but you did nothing wrong. He's making you feel that you are messing with his privacy when in all actuality you both have the right to find things out. You became one when you got married so for him to say that your getting into his business, he would have to say that about himself as well. Maybe instead of a divorce you could go somewhere for a while and seperate. It sounds to me that he is choosing all of this stuff over the woman that he said he would love, honor, and cherish, for the rest of his life. He has an addiction and maybe he doesn't know it yet, but he'll have to realize it on his own and step out of the denial of all this stuff in order to get help. You can't do it for him he's got to stop on his own. My advice would be no divorce, but seperation for both of you (you need time away) and marriage counseling. Good luck
2007-08-09 05:22:40 · answer #3 · answered by missmess 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
He' a jerk. He's reversing all the guilt on you. He's the one that been messing.....if he wasn't doing anything then there wouldn't be anything messages from women to find.
As far as marrying after 6 months, well I married my husband after 3 months and he's never done anything like this. It sounds like he would have snowed you no matter how long you knew him.
He's just making you feel bad so you won't check on him anymore. He's a player and I doubt if he will change. It's up to you how long you want to be humiliated, but I'd leave his sorry azz and find someone you can trust!
2007-08-09 05:22:29 · answer #4 · answered by LAL 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It seems as though you kinda rushed into marrying this guy so soon. But anyways, no husband should dare be treating their wife like a piece of crap. Where is the love and respect he vowed to give you? I don't see it! I would just divorce him and it shouldn't be so hard for you since you haven't been married for so long. If you love him still and you know he loves you then maybe there still can be a chance if you really want it. Tell him to stop talking to other women, stop emailing and chatting and if does not want to stop then tell him he can continue doing what he is doing and be single. He is going to end up losing you if he continues to behave this way. Find yourself a man who will treat you like a queen that you are.
2007-08-09 05:11:27 · answer #5 · answered by Txgirl23 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Clearly the issue of moving fast into this relationship without a foundation of trust and respect has you both where you're at now...on shaky ground and fragile.
I would get some counseling if I wanted to save this marriage - the two of you...to figure out what seems to be missing SO SOON after you two got together, that he needs to sneak around with other women...pretty disgusting, not to mention, wholly immature if you're both so-called committed to this marriage.
Grace
2007-08-09 05:07:56 · answer #6 · answered by bunnyONE 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Trust is one of the most important things in a good marriage. You both have lost trust in each other -- him by chatting/texting, and you by snooping. Why were you snooping in the first place? Did he give you some reason not to trust him, or did you already have trust issues?
Trust is a very hard thing to replace. You might need to see a marriage counsellor and do some of those trust exercises (the ones that seem lame, but always seem to work).
2007-08-09 05:09:46 · answer #7 · answered by C S 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
"this time he had set me up with a txt msg frm a male friend pretending to be a girl."
LMFAO!!!
You actually "believe" that???? It WAS A GIRL!!!
You married a PLAYER!!!!!!!!!!!
Divorce this cheating azzclown and next time around, wait till you've known someone longer that 6 months before you decide to marry them!!!!
Also, I agree with "greg"s answer.....you two are married, there are NO secrets and you lose that privacy you once had when you were single. All that is his is now yours and all that is yours is his. That is a marriage.
2007-08-09 05:11:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
" the first five in the marriage are the hardest". it takes tragedy to become closer where it seems like a divorce is the right answer. you know if you want to stay, but just give the relationship time to go into full gear.personally it might get better or worse. I predict this marriage will last.
2007-08-09 05:10:10 · answer #9 · answered by posterboy257 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
don't have kids with this man until you figure it out. If he doesn't feel comfortable with you going through everything he owns... he's not the man for you. i have never snooped on my husband, but I don't have a desire to. I know that if i ever did - there wouldn't be anything there. there's the difference - your husband obviously has something going on....
2007-08-09 05:14:09 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋