I have been with this for a year and half and she changed when she got preg. I left her 2 months before she had him. But I helped her out through prenatal time. At the hospital I was beside her every second. We got back togather because she said she changed. She cheated and didnt tell me baby could be her xbf. She lied until 2 months before birth. DNA said he is mine. These past 3 weeks I moved out of my own home I dont think I can take this anymore shes childish but shes a good mommy. I do love her but I dont know if its for babys sake or if I really love her. This last week I have been talking to someone else and it seems almost all the trouble I will have to deal with is worth putting up with her. But I feel like sometimes she never grew up. She so childish. She constantly spends money we dont have and dont care if she dont get what she wants its hell for weeks. Should I go back to her for baby sake and what do I do to know if I still love her.
2007-08-09 04:57:12 · 20 answers · asked by acopper 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am involved alot in his life I love my child and he is #1 no matter what. I have talked to her very serious and told her that i was going to leave if she didnt stop her crap infront of baby atleast and she dont care. but shes a very caring good mom and trys hard for him. If i take her $ and give her a running money and put gas in her car and pay her bills and all babys with my money "she dont make much dont work often at home with baby while i work alot" and she just tells her family that i dont do for her and they feel sorry for her and baby her out and buy her stuff for her so she gets waht she wants no matter what so they arent help me teach her its about waht you need not what you want. I took her out almost atleast once a week to a nice dinner and a movie or to a concert on street party if we have a baby sitter. she complains or finds something to argue about. thanks for you answers. means alot to know ppl care.
2007-08-09 05:16:08 · update #1
I'd strongly suggest going to family counseling to see if you can work things out together. There should be some kind of family center that can recommend counselors with sliding scales, if money is an issue.
It would be best if the three of you could live happily together, but not if there are money problems and tantrums.
2007-08-09 05:04:33 · answer #1 · answered by stenobrachius 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter how much you love her, if she cannot grow up and keep being irresponsible with finances, it is going to lead you both down a road of fighting over money because you both may be going deeper and deeper into debt.
If you want to give another chance, I highly suggest you go to pre-marital counseling to see what goals you both share and where you both have to make compromises that is the best for the family, and will keep the two of you happy.
You may find you are wanting to stay with her... but you may find out your goals just aren't the same and the effort to compromise is not fair enough for you both to be happy.
You may also want to see if you can get some financial counseling. Maybe you are more responsible with money, but go with her anyways. Be there so you really can see if she is grasping the information the financial counselor if telling her. See if she is putting in an effort to learn that she needs to limit the spending. If she isn't paying attention or isn't caring, that is a huge sign to get out because she doesn't want to be more responsible. This kind of attitude will get you both into more debt.
Explain to her that you both need financial planning because while she may have been irresponsible in the past, the only person she was hurting was herself. Now you both have the future of your child to think about and things can change before any debt seems hopeless to recover from.
2007-08-09 05:54:03 · answer #2 · answered by Twizzle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't stay with her for the sake of the baby. There is never an good reason to stay with someone just because there is a child involved. Its not fair to you, to the other person or to the child to grow up amid drama because its parents don't really want to be together. Would you rather be the good daddy that is involved and spends weekends together or the bad daddy that argues with and cheats on mommy?
I also doubt that she is such a good mother if she is immature and also spends money that she cannot afford to spend. Part of being a good mother is making sure that your baby has financial security and growing up in a hurry to provide the best environment.
Since the DNA test proved the baby is yours, I would simply apply to the court for visitation and child support. That way, you can be a part of the life of your baby and provide for it financially. If you doubt that your support is going for the care of the baby because of her spending habits, you can request that she provide receipts proving that the money she recieves in support is going to the care of the baby. If the court approves the request, she would have to submit receipts to the court on a monthly basis proving that the support is being used for its intended purpose.
And, having three kids myself, I can tell you that the hormone excuse is total bullshit. Yes, hormones are all over the place. Yes, it is a difficult time. However, as an adult you ALWAYS have control over how you act. You are quicker to anger and quicker to cry, but there isn't a hormone in the world that makes you be irresponsible or cheat or spend money that you can't afford.
2007-08-09 05:07:33 · answer #3 · answered by Melanie J 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never ever stay with someone because you have a child together. You may think you are doing it for the child, but it is not healthy for your son to be in a hostile environment. The best you can do is try to talk with her if she will listen and tell her that you want to be there for your son but your relationship is not healthy. Your baby will benefit more if you both are actively involved in his life without you all living together. Some people make the best parents when they are apart.
Now the problems you might and probably will face later is if she wants to take you up for child support, refuses to let you see the baby, or if one or both of you start dating again, and the subject has to come up that you have a child. You have to be careful who you bring your child around.
I think you may love her more because she just had your son, and somehow it seems like this is your first so you will always love her for bringing your baby into this world. Just do not make the mistake of thinking she is who you have to spend the rest of your life with because you had a child. You will have a lifetime bond with her, but that will be your son. Nothing more.
2007-08-09 05:09:31 · answer #4 · answered by acey5654 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow that's a tough situation. Well I'd say go back and try it out. You need to have a big serous talk here. You need to tell her what she is doing wrong and what you don't like. Tell her she needs to improve in certain areas and if she doesn't make an effort to saving the relationship that you have no choice but to leave. Right now she needs you to be there for the baby. Especially since she may be having the baby blues. Most women have these feelings for a while. Just do your job and be a good father right now. Your attention should be on the baby.
2007-08-09 05:04:05 · answer #5 · answered by Txgirl23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not go back for "the baby's sake".
consider YOUR happines.
if you and this girl can come to some compromises, and talk and discuss the relationship in a calm adult manner, all the better.
if she overspends, then don't let her control the money-- give her an allowance... but keep her involved in the finances if she wants to see where the money is going... we all have bills and it's nice to save a little from time to time.
it looks like you don't trust her, either.
let her know how you are feeling... and that she might need to make some adjustments. if you're both willing, it may work. you BOTH have to agree on some important issues.
take care.. if it doesn't work out, do what makes you happiest... sometimes we end up with the wrong person.
hugs
2007-08-09 05:04:35 · answer #6 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your son deserves to have two parents who are healthy, happy and in loving relationships. So, unless you can both be that way with eachother, then...no. Don't stay together just for his sake.
Keep in mind that pregnancy is a VERY emotional time for a woman--she really had no control over all the changes she went through. And those hormones don't really settle down until several months after the baby is born. She may settle down and mature as the role of motherhood sets in.
Be there for your son and be there to help her out as the mother of your child and just put on hold any big decisions about the relationship. That baby needs to be #1 right now.
2007-08-09 05:03:14 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Never go back for a child it will only be harder in the long run! Make sure you make child support payments and see you child every time you can! But if you go back now and have to leave when the child get to like 1 or 2 it will know that something is wrong and you are not happy with it's mom and you or it might come to hate or resent the other one!
2007-08-09 05:03:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Regardless if you stay with your child's mother, you are the child's father.
You must take some time to yourself, without your current partner and without starting anything with anyone to sort out your feelings, it seems you are extremely confused and conflicted.
You two are not married, so it seems, and the baby is very young, so work out matters of child support and involvements as a parent, and if you think staying with the child's mom will create a negative environment for all of you, full of unhappiness and arguments, it's not beneficial at all.
You may want to try couple's counsellings, and see if there is a chance to work this out as a family unit. You must be honest with yourself and with her, and try to gain as much family support from both your sides.
Good luck.
2007-08-09 05:04:50 · answer #9 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what. I'm gonna take a quote from Dr. Phil here and say " a child would rather be from a broken home than a disfunctional home." don't stay with her for the baby. that doesn't help the baby at all. you can see your child with limited contact with her. if it's not working out then it most likely wont especially if she wont change. I'd say try family counseling and really give it a chance to work (6 months- a year) if she can't turn it around then it's over and you fight for joint custody.
2007-08-09 05:03:22 · answer #10 · answered by Victoria J 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋