My husband is very sexually active, what do I do?

Question

My husband is 8 years older than me. He would prefer to have sex every single day as much as twice a day! But I would prefer to have sex once every other week! He gets really cranky when he has to wait until I get in the mood. He acts like a woman on her period! I'm trying to compromise to once a week, occasionally twice a week. But it's hard for me to do that. I guess I have alot on my mind, with kids, chores, and all my other extra-curricular activities. I need some advice.

Answer 1

Your relationship shouldn't be based on sex, but speak to him about it and maybe try for several times a week. not everyday but more than just once a week. You cant deny sex so much because he might end up wanting to get it somewhere else although he may not want to. But you might drive him to that point if you guys keep going like this. Talk to him. and maybe work out something where you both are happy. LOVE IS THE ACT OF SELF SACRIFISE!!! so if you love him and he loves you, you guys will work something out.

Answer 2

Sounds like your husband needs a hobby other than doing you. Explain your schedule and how freakin tired you are at the end of the day. It's not like you sit at home eating bon bons and watching soaps. Your husband may be irritated that you aren't up to the task like he is but it sounds like you have much more on your plate. I would suggest some extra-curricular activities for your husband. Sports, Gym Membership, Poker Night at someone else's house, making dinner. Explain that you will get raw down there if you have sex twice a day. Explain that you would probably be more in the mood if you weren't so tired. Suggest other quality time like reading a book together or watching a movie. Cuddling is just as important as sex! Maybe just help him get himself off if you are too tired for the whole shebang.
At this point, make meaningful sex a goal, and don't just bump uglies for the sake of it. Make it a team goal to make the few times you do have sex special. Tell him a white lie and say that you think the sex is better when you wait a few days in between, compliment him on his package.

Honestly, after a day of grad school and chores and homework I don't feel like sex either, and I don't even have kids.

If there was a book I could reccommend for any family it would be The Five Love Languages
http://www.fivelovelanguages.com/
I'm not very religious so I didn't care too much about the religious parts but I still thought it was an excellent book.

Answer 3

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One thing that's missing from your question is whether your respective sex drives have always been this way, or if this is some recent change. If you used to be as active as him, and now that has changed, then I can understand his crankiness. He used to have a sex-crazy woman at home, and now she's down to once every-other-week. That would make me cranky.

On the other hand, if it has always been this way between you, then he has no business being upset with you. He may be upset (as anyone with a high sex drive would be when they're being denied) but he knew what he was getting into when he married you, so it's not your problem per se.

Here's the underlying problem, and I'm not telling you anything that you don't already know: once you're married your spouse is your only sex partner (at least if marriage means anything to you). When there is a disparity in the desire, though, like you're talking about, it is bound to cause frustration on both parts. On his because he is committed to only having sex with you and you don't want it; and on your part because you feel like you're being pestered with requests for sex that you're not interested in. And I don't know how your husband feels about it, but I know that if I felt that my wife was "compromising" and having sex with me more often than she really wanted it, I wouldn't find that satisfying at all. You like to feel that your partner is enjoying it as much as you are.

So what I'm saying is that if he continues to be denied, or to get "it" only grudgingly, he may look elsewhere. You need to have a talk with him and put it all out on the table. If he understands where you're coming from, you may be able to work out a solution that will benefit you both. If you are truly uninterested because you're tired, then perhaps he can help with all of your "chores and extracurriculars."

It's not easy, but if your marriage is worthwhile, you'll find a way to deal with it. Good luck.
.

Answer 4

Put work into your marriage too. Chore can be done later. You might even say hey, you help me get this done and I'll have some extra time. Make a game out of it. See how horny you can make him first. I'm a patient guy but once every two weeks as the norm would make me pretty cranky too. He gave up all other women, make sure he has no reason to regret that decision.

Answer 5

I feel your pain. Me and my bf (of 13 yrs.) have always had a problem with our sexual relationship. He doesnt understand that being a mom, working full time along with everything else, sex is the last thing I think about. I've tried to compromise and say ok, everyother day and guess what? IT'S STILL NOT ENOUGH!!! He bitches and complains and no matter how much I give in, he still wants more. But then complains that I lay there and act like I didn't want to...well its because i'm just trying to shut him up!!! All I can say is, I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 6

I've been where you are now. You feel bad because you want to satisfy him, but by the time the day is done the last thing on your mind is sex. If you haven't expressed your concerns to him, then do so very soon. Reassure him that you desire him and you enjoy having sex with him but that your sex drive just isn't there because you have so much on your mind.

It also wouldn't hurt to talk to your doctor. In some cases, a lack of sex drive can be due to hormones and hormonal changes in your body. I was on a birth control pill and after having it changed I found that my drive went up. It doesn't hurt to ask.

Answer 7

I think that if you keep refusing him for long periods of time, he may end up looking elsewhere if that is all he can think about.

If you have a lot on your mind, and that is the only reason you do not want to have sex, then ask him to help do chores etc.

I never recommend compromising, that is where both of you are being selfish to get what you want, and selfishness leaves you with just that...yourself. Selfishness is self defeating and will make you unhappy.

I suggest talking to him, find out why he wants to have sex so much, and you need to really think about why you do not want to have sex so much other than your just 'too busy'. If you do not enjoy it, ask him to be more romantic with you, and to 'please' you first. If he can bring you to orgasm first, before intercourse you may end up enjoying it a lot more.

Answer 8

Many men not all are very interested in SEX n a number of ways, I agree, that if you got him into helping you around the house more he could back off some. You also have another choice or two. One go for a quicky and move on or have him take care of it himself, you don't have the time to help or watch but at least he is taken care of for a little while

Answer 9

I think all men are like that if you find out let me know because my man is the same way but I give it to him like 3 times a week and he is still crying in the corner Have A few glass of wine and try getting to the mood that what I do sum times it work and sum times it does not ether way he still whats more lose lose situation.

Answer 10

My advise for you, and only because I've been there, is that possibly you are in a rut. That you unconsciously take him for granted. Stop and realize that more than likely the reason he is like this is due to the fact that he loves you and is very attracted to you, and isn't that deep down how you want it ? I did this and then me and my fiance had to be apart for six months and it about killed me. But I realized this and now that he's home, things are great.