I thought my fiance and I got along great. We have been together for over 6 years. Last night for no reason he went off on me and (he was drinking) told me I was a fat ***** (I am 5'8 and this is heaviest I have ever been at about 155 lbs) and that he didn't like me and on and on he went. To the point I was in tears. I am absolutly depressed this morning and shocked that he would have ever done this. What should I do? This has never happened before in 6 years and I am baffled. He said he didn't want to marry a fat ***** and other things.
Then this morning he acts as if nothing is wrong and he doesn't remember.
I am beyond myself right now and can not think straight at work.
2007-08-09 03:11:15 · 30 answers · asked by aintlifegrand 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am in total tears right now.
2007-08-09 03:22:36 · update #1
The problem is I could lose weigh so I can feel better but I am a size 9 and when he met me I had a serious weight problem. I was 125 and extremely skinny.
2007-08-09 03:28:35 · update #2
Well, it is obvoius that he has a problem. Drinking. Which is a result of a deeper problem/issue.
But, in general, when people get their drinking binges under control, a lot of other things fall into place.
Before slamming him (which he "rightfully" deserves), use a more beneficial tactic. Getting mad and even or hurting him back may decrease your chances of working things out, so... with "compassion" for his failure by drinking and causing you hurt, communicate that it hurt you when he said..."...". If as you say he does not remember, than you need to tell him that he said "...." and it hurt you very bad. You don't want to be hurt and you love him, but when he drinks he hurts you.
Also, 155 is not fat. Maybe to "him", but if he is bringing that up as an issue, than it really needs to be discussed. If he is making it seem like it's not an issue, I would give a few options to him, since you are not married, you are not completely obligated "for life" as yet.
If he does not seem cooperative, I would keep red flags up that this may be a BIG problem if/when you are married to him.
Also, you said that this has not happened in 6 years, so, what "caused" his drinking now? Find out and work through it if possible. You may be the help and healing he needs. While it is totally understandable that his remarks were wrong and hurtful, under alchohol it may be a huge clue and sign of a deep hurt that only you can help to heal. :)
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2007-08-09 03:23:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
People under the influence of alcohol do not behave normally, your fiance is a primary example. You and he have both been in a relationship for the past 6 years, and are well on the road to marriage.
If anything you should see that he is infact serious on his relationship to you.
Things you need to note about alcohol is that it not only removes inhibitions from an imbiber, but it also alters perceptions and affects a person's judgement. So his words on you being fat or ugly may well be due to the drink, likewise, with the lack of inhibitions he would have stated that in a very blunt and rude manner.
Additionally, there are people who do not remember what they've done while drunk.
You may want to sit down with your fiance and speak to him about it. Its obvious that you feel hurt over what happened, so explain your feelings to him, and then have him confirm that he does not infact percieve you to be fat or ugly. Once done, you may want to keep him from getting outright inebriated.
All the best to you.
2007-08-09 03:19:47 · answer #2 · answered by Dai S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He might have been having a blackout drinking episode, which would explain why he doesn't remember. This can and does happen. Ask him if he remembers what he said to you or what happened last night. If he doesn't, then maybe you can remind him. If he does remember, it sounds like a serious conversation--perhaps with a relationship/marriage counselor--might help. If he has a drinking problem, encourage him to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. And you may benefit from the support of people in Al-Anon, a fellowship for friends and family of alcoholics.
P.S. 5'8 and 155 is not fat.
2007-08-09 03:19:20 · answer #3 · answered by impermanence 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is awful! Maybe he had been mad at you about something (he had been keeping it inside) and when he got drunk, his anger just came out. I imagine the "fat ____" was just all that popped in his head. Maybe he's getting cold feet about getting married. Maybe he has a drinking problem. It sounds like you two need to have a serious talk. If this is the first outburst like this, then the relationship might be worth saving. If he shows hostility like this again, though-- GET OUT!
2007-08-09 03:17:01 · answer #4 · answered by Alli 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like there may be something else bothering him and he blew up at you. You are not in any way fat!!!! You should sit him down and talk to him. Let him know that it hurt your feelings what he said and if there is anything he needs to talk about you are there for him. It really sounds like you were his punching bag for another problem. unfortunately sometimes that happens when there is no one else you can turn to or you feel you can not talk to anyone. You take it out on the people around you.
2007-08-09 03:36:57 · answer #5 · answered by MeShell 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh dear. Drinking does not give us the right to be abusive to someone we claim to love. If he can do this to you now, when you are not even married, what do you think he can do to you if you are married. You need to clear your head, I know this is hard right now (he's emotionally "beat you up"), make plans to talk this over with him, while he is sober. This is definitely something that HAS to be discussed. No one and I mean NO ONE deserves to be mentally abused. After being together 6 years, one would hope that he loved you for you and not for your body.
Remember, you are unique, you are special...you did nothing to deserve this.
I wish you luck and I hope you don't stand by and allow him to treat you this way.
2007-08-09 03:24:48 · answer #6 · answered by Debi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its a tough one because I'm going through the domestic violence cycle at the moment and what he did to you WAS domestic violence. Believe it or not, yes it is. If he loves you and respects you he wouldn't have said this.
You are the only person that can make your choice, but think very carefully about it. Could you live the rest of your life with someone who doesn't treat you like a princess, because thats what he should be doing. You deserve someone that adores you
2007-08-09 03:46:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think your fat at all and you shouldn't lose weight for someone else plus when someone one gets drunk say mean a hurtful things when they wake up in the morning they have no memory of it at all so i would talk to him about it even though he tried to deny saying it but just try to talk about what happen that night and see where the road takes you
2007-08-09 04:42:54 · answer #8 · answered by Brenda S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him about what was said last night and remind him if he doesn't remember what came out of his mouth. I think you should also mention to him that if your weight is an issue he should be talking to you about it before the 2 of you get married......however at 155lbs and 5'8 YOU ARE NOT FAT!!!!
Sounds to me like you need to sit down and have a serious talk with him because drunk or not........what he said did hurt your feelings!
2007-08-09 03:24:01 · answer #9 · answered by Sara M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
some guys want thier women to be perfect or at least not the uglyiest or fattest chick in the bar.....
He probably saw all the hot single girls that night and compared them to you..... Cause he was drunk, he forgot the part about you being there for him for so long.....
My wife had two kids and she became fat.. i was embarrassed to even bring her to work to meet my friends.. cause the last thing i wanted was the silent treatment, cause they all know how fat my wife was....
I made (yes made) my wife do something about it.. She went on Jenny Craig and lost 40 lbs... (I was tired of looking at other women casue my wife was not pretty to look at) needless to say, she looks hot now! I can't keep my eyes off her and I can't wait to bring her to work....
That may be shallow, but some guys think this way....
Moral of the story.... try Jenny Craig!
2007-08-09 03:21:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋