When I returned back to work after a hospital operation, my work collegue (who is also a "friend" who I sometimes go for drinks with) didn't even ask me how I was. I was away for a week and still to this day she hasn't even ask me anything about it, even though we sit nex to each other at work. I was quite upset.
Now some time later: she too has returned from a stay in hospital after an operation, but I still cant forget the time she completley ingnored me- and showed a lack of interest into my wellbeing.
I am feeling like doing the same (ignoring the fact she's been away) just to give her a tase of her own medicine.
should I?
2007-08-09 02:54:02 · 14 answers · asked by emmi 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
I have been in exactly the same situation. In my case I was rushed off to hospital at high speed in the back of an ambulance. I spent four weeks in there and for the first ten days, I was hanging on to life by a thread. Within minutes of me returning home, my neighbour, who is also a "friend", and fully aware that I have pulmonary fibrosis, (a progressive and incurable condition), came round to say she'd been frantic with worry. Not relating to my health at all, but because she couldn't get into my place to help herself to the contents of my fridge and fruitbowl, to save it being wasted. Before I could even speak, she asked me to give her a spare set of keys to my home, because she knew I'd been shopping the day before and that my fridge would be full up. I told her not to worry as my mum has a set of keys and always takes anything perishable from my fridge whenever I'm in hospital for more than a few days, at my request, so nothing goes to waste. I couldn't believe that this person who calls herself a good friend of mine could be so callous, and while I deplore the idea of any food being wasted, given the number of starving people in the world, I still find it incredible that she could value a few pieces of fruit and a couple of pints of milk at a higher price than my life. It was a real shock to discover just how selfish and inconsiderate she really is. This all happened about three months ago, since which she has been in hospital to have a baby, poor thing. (The baby, not her !). When she got home, I went round to see the baby, and her , asked if she was alright and if there was anything she wanted or needed. She wasted no time at all sending me off on various shopping sprees, regardless of how ill I happened to be at the time, and I ,stupidly perhaps, obliged. But I can say I have derived a certain degree of satisfaction from not allowing myself to be reduced to her level, even though she did only go into hospital to have a baby. It's not as if she was ill or has been since. So my advice to you would be to show a certain amount of concern for her following her operation, and don't bring yourself down to her level. Believe me, it won't make you feel good if you behave just like her, and you never know, it might even trigger a pang of conscience in her, although I wouldn't hold your breath ! By the way, although I don't know you, I do know there isn't a surgical operation that could be described as a remotely pleasant experience, so I for one, hope that you're fighting fit again, and wish you all the best for the future.
Take care,
Michael.
2007-08-09 03:57:10 · answer #1 · answered by MICHAEL BRAMOVICH 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps the reason your co-worker didn't mention anything about your hospital stay is because she didn't want to feel she was prying. There are some people who prefer to keep work relationships strictly professional, even if they do go out and share a couple of drinks from time to time. It is possible she felt she was doing you a courtesy by not mentioning anything about your health.
I admit, I would be hurt if someone did the same to me. But the working world is not quite the same as the real world: there's usually a whole separate set of rules once you clock in. Some people have even been known to get in trouble for certain forms of "fraternizing." Even if the job the two of you have right now is okay with that sort of thing, she may have previously been in one where it was not. You know what they say about old habits dying hard. In other work environments, it's strictly taboo to mention medical information, even if it's just, "Hey, I missed you. Heard you were in the hospital--what happened?"
It's also possible that your co-worker herself prefers medical privacy for one reason or another. If I were in the same situation as you, I wouldn't mention anything to her, not out of spite, but out of return courtesy for her feelings.
2007-08-09 03:25:20 · answer #2 · answered by Avie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cannot do it. It is not your character even you force yourself to do it. You will regret it and feel guilty, maybe not now but in the later part. Every one is different. If not you will not post this question.
Response to your inner self not on religion or quotes from people or even advice from here then you will know who you really are. This is your opportunity to know your true self. We discover truth during our weak or crisis time or just this emotional feeling moment. Then when you find your weakness or strength, you will understand the real you better.
2007-08-09 03:08:43 · answer #3 · answered by Kingdomchild07 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why stoop to her level. You know what is right, do that. Actually, it will probably cause her some serious regrets that she didn't treat you as well as you treated her when the same happened. It might just make a permanent, positive, change in her life.
Be the better person. It'll drive her crazy!!
2007-08-09 02:57:57 · answer #4 · answered by Dave W 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Golden Rule.
Besides, it will make you feel better yourself, knowing what you have done is right.
I do understand how you feel... but sometimes people are just that way. Sometimes they don't even think to do something that you would want them to do. It is still the right thing to give them the respect you would like.
2007-08-09 03:00:39 · answer #5 · answered by JustAsking 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, I think you are a better person than that and I think you know it. The fact that you are even asking this question is proof.
Do ask your friend about her operation. I am sure she will realise her own failings and become a better person for it.
2007-08-09 02:59:01 · answer #6 · answered by AnswersGalore 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well a lot of times i do the same thing. my friend will go on a vacation and i will not even think about asking her how it went. NOT that i dont care about her as much as i should- only- it doesnt even cross my mind to ask her. its a big fault i have and i have to repeatedly catch myself and ask her- "how did your sister's wedding go? im so excited for you!" so that she knows i care...
so maybe it just didnt cross her mind to ask you. give her the benefit of the doubt!! =] good luck!
2007-08-09 03:13:05 · answer #7 · answered by s.a.r.a.h. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was about to quote Gandhi too, but I was beaten to it....as others have said, there is no point in stooping to her level - she might not even notice! But your motives should be pure - only ask about her if you actually care how she is, not just to play games about who is the better person!
2007-08-09 03:03:51 · answer #8 · answered by Mumknowsbest 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No - ask her about her op, then you can draw parallels with your own experiences in hospital. It's petty to think about "getting your own back" in situations like this.
Two wrongs don't make a right, my friend!
2007-08-09 03:04:42 · answer #9 · answered by captbullshot 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
she'sclearly not your friend.
you can give hher a dose of her own, or you can be a bigger person than that and reach out anyway - and if you do, you can still twist a knife: "Just thought I'd ask. I know from when I got back from my surgery, it'd have bene niceto know someone cared enough to ask."
2007-08-09 02:58:30 · answer #10 · answered by kent_shakespear 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋