Hubby is mentally abusive and has financially ruined us. IRS problems, legal problems, in debt to no end and I can not take it anymore.I have no job and have no skills , I have been a stay at home wife because that is what he has needed me to do. He has had multiple back surgeries and is still in a lot of pain and I feel guilty for wanting to leave . If I leave I have to give up my cat that I have had for 10 years because I can not take him with me , family has dogs . It is going to pretty much kill me if I have to give my cat up but if I do not do what I have to do , I feel I want to die sometimes . Please help me !!!!! I can not live with this gutt wrenching pain everyday . I am physically sick and feel as if I am losing my mind.
2007-08-09 02:49:53 · 16 answers · asked by drapoel wons 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Screw the cat. Get out of there. You are physically sick. Don't treat the cat better than yourself. He's got back problems and you've got mental problems from his mental abuse. Go to your family, get skills by going to school or on the job training.
Good Luck and take care.
2007-08-09 02:54:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
HELLO you are talking some serious pain here and though I am the biggest animal lover in the world and if I were in your shoes, I'd probably be just like you.... Listening to you from this objective standpoint, It seems trivial to worry about this cat when you are dying! If not physically, then certainly emotionally and spiritually. Quit taking care of a man that does not take care of himself or you.... GO, Run, don't walk.
Perhaps you can find a friend that will take the cat and you can visit. Call an animal rescue program .. they may find a foster home for the cat. I'm sure that you have skills. After not working for a long time it may be scary as hell, but go girl.. you can do it.. Maybe the first job will be with a house cleaning company, but in a few years, maybe you'll own a house cleaning company. Pray and let your family help you.
2007-08-09 10:03:31 · answer #2 · answered by Bentley 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems as though you have the desire to leave and are perplexed about the outcome of your leaving. It is easy for someone to say, just leave and another thing to just do it! You getting a job will not give you power over an abuser! You already have a place to go and though you may not be able to take your cat at this time, perhaps another friend or often times Nursing homes welcome cats as companions for the elderly there. Check into those options. Remember, YOU ARE worth being treated with love and respect. YOU are capable of learning what you need to live a healthy life. Your first step is to move in with the family you mentioned. And remember once you take the first step, the second will be a little easier, God bless you and I am praying for you!
2007-08-09 10:08:55 · answer #3 · answered by atira 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you family has dogs, doesn't mean you can't take your cat. It may be difficult to adjust for a while, but dog and cats can learn to get along. You can keep the cat in your room, or in a separate part of the house. Or maybe ask a friend to take him for a while. You would know he is safe and you'd still be able to see him.
As for having no skills, I can already tell you that you are wrong on that. If you could have typed this question out, then you can work someone where that involves typing (like data entry, admin. assistant)! There are plenty of options out there for you.
If your husband is mentally abusive and you want to get out, then leave. So what if he's still in pain because of his surgeries, you are too. At least he can take medicine for his suffering.
2007-08-09 10:05:32 · answer #4 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there are no children the decision is much easier to make, if you see no reconciliation than leave, get an education and start over. In five years you will be happy you did.
It is curious you focus on your cat, while I am also a pet lover this should definitely not be an excuse to stay, it seems other things are holding you (believe me I know guilt). Seek counseling whatever decision you make, but leaving seems like the healthiest solution for you to have a sane life.
Good luck.
2007-08-09 10:03:13 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1st you need to relax. The government can not take what you don't have. Go to the YWCA take some free courses so you can get some skills so your able to get a job. They might be able to help you find a job. Also I am a pet lover as well I would leave with the cat. Sitting around doing nothing won't work. Forget his drama, time for you to stand tall and walk away. Good Luck
2007-08-09 10:11:22 · answer #6 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi hon...
i can relate to loss, because since 2001, i lost my mother two cats which i had for over 10 years, 2 parrots which i had for over 20 years each, my sister TOOK my home and there was nothing i could do about it. I can relate!
Loss can be devastating.
So can the type of life situation you're living now -- mental abuse, financial nightmares!
My current ex boyfriend HID his financial mess from me, and after i moved in, the utilities were constantly shut off, and next thing i knew, his house was in foreclosure...so i understand financial problems tooo well!!!!
I think that you might need to do whatever is best for YOU right now... if it were me, i'd have my cat put to sleep if nothing else. i would NOT trust the husband to take care of it. but i hope you can find someone to take it? or keep it for you for a while? it's sad to think about putting the cat to sleep, but it might be the most sound thing to do. at least you'd know it had a good life with you, and you wouldn't have to worry about it being left behind or your husband neglecting it.
Take care of YOU.. I'm sure you could find some sort of job,. hon. We all have to start somewhere, right?
I'll be thinking of you. hugs
2007-08-09 10:04:48 · answer #7 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out, it will be hard but your husband is dragging you down and you have to get away from him. You have nothing and are at the bottom so the only place to go is UP! I'm sorry about your cat but your life is worth more right now, kick the bum to the curb, life is too good to live with a bum like him. He has asked for this life and you should leave him to it.
2007-08-09 10:03:29 · answer #8 · answered by jacquie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are powerless in your marriage, and your powerlessness, not your husband's poor decisions, is what is the root of your unhappiness. The reason for your powerlessness can be summed up in this quotation: "I have no job and have no skills." Get skills and get a job, and you will then have power in your marriage. Things will get better when you start feeling better about yourself by doing things for yourself and by sticking up for yourself. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of believing that you have only two choices in your married life: to keep doing things exactly as you are, or leave the marriage. You do have a third choice: start making changes to improve things!
2007-08-09 09:58:51 · answer #9 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See if you can found a friend to watch the cat until you get back on your feet and run as fast as you can from your ex there is so much more out there for you.and then you will wonder why u stayed so long in that situation.
2007-08-09 10:06:06 · answer #10 · answered by Blue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋