Poem 50 - 13-4-07?

Question

Nothing to fear
My path is clear
The future's in sight
It's time to fight
For the best of me
The best I can be
Is yet to come
It might be doubted by some
But now is the time
The planets are aligned
So watch this space
As I find my place
In this wonderful world
I'm just a girl
But it's time to break free
Time for the real me

Answer 1

This is very cool. The only thing I would do is just take out "It might be" and start that line with "Doubted..."

Answer 2

I understand what you're trying to say, but you've put together a string of cliches that reduce what you're saying to another cliche. Please don't take that the wrong way...people will understand what you're trying to say, that's not the problem; the problem is that not only were you unable to say it in an original way, but you used a string of unoriginal phrases to fail.

However, this is very common when people start writing poems. Why? because until you've read more and received more analysis on your poems, you may think what you're saying is original, when it is usually just repetition of something you've already heard...and sometimes you don't even realize it. Here's a list of you cliches:

nothing to fear ("but fear itself")
clear path/path clear (common phrase)
future's in sight (speeches, movies, plays, poems...)
Time to fight (time to heal, time to mend...biblical)
best of me ("yet to come")
yet to come ("the best is...")
now is the time ("for all good men to come to the aid..")
planets aligned (aquarian phrase)
find my place ("in the sun")
wonderful world ("oh, what a...")
I'm just a girl (very common expression)
time to break free (Queen wrote the song)
real me ('60's cliche)

So...as you can see, all but a couple lines were based on cliches. You might ask, "so how can I write this poem so it isn't a bunch of cliches?" Well, that's a good question, and not easily answered. The problem is not so much the phrases, but the concept: "I see a future with a better me that can break free of the old if I work hard enough at it."

Although not perfect, here's some modification to your lines...

What fear exists when
One's path is clear
The future lies in the
results of the fight
I choose today
The best is born of
the possibilities
Of what is yet to come
doubters? some
But now there is alignment
watch closely as I find
wonderful worlds
Just a girl, perhaps
But it's my time
to be me

Outside of a few minor word changes, the poem is basically yours...but it's lost the cliche (for the most part) and was able to capitalize on the "echo" of the cliche...that's when you say something close to the cliche and it reminds someone of something they've heard before...an "echo" if you will.

Do some editing, be careful on your next poem to try and avoid the cliche and find ways to say something old in a new way...otherwise you're you'll probably never get much better.

you've got the desire, and the courage...now...

keep writing

Answer 3

It's a lovely poem and my birthday was on 13/04/07 thankyou for making my day lol

Answer 4

I like this one much better. It sounds like you woke up with optimism after a bad spell.