Under what circumstrances the extra marital affairs of a man are morally legitimate?

Answer 1

It will never be morally legit.

Some circumstances occur where I can understand why an affair happens.

when she is not working and repeatedly complains about wanting a house knowing that it would take 2 incomes to accomplish that goal.

having children and letting and not upkeeping your appearance. I know a man that actually had to tell his wife to wash her a s s!

when she has the attitude of what's mine is mine and yours is mine.

when she is no longer interested in the relationship but is afraid to make the move.

Answer 2

What about when a man and his wife have been living emotionally and physically separate lives for years. They don't communicate except on matters regarding the kids or the home, they don't sleep in the same room, they don't have a physical relationship.

They are together simply because it is convenient to do so, for the sake of the kids, for the sake of putting up a social front. It never occured to them to go separate ways. They thought they had no choice but to stick out with their 'fate'.

And then suddenly one day, the man realises that he has only one life, and he wants something more out of it -- some happiness, some love, affection. And so decides to seek out a new partner, without thinking through the morality of it.

Perhaps he never thought that he would find someone who might be willing to make a life with him. Perhaps he thought that he would just have an online relationship with another lonely soul like him, some chats that would pass time but lead nowhere, cos he always put responsiblity to his family before everything else.

But then lo and behold, he meets someone with whom he wants more than a casual relationship, with whom he wants to build a life. So now he wants to move towards getting a divorce from his wife.

But until then, is it morally wrong for him and his new partner to continue the relationship? Is the wife being cheated on? The cart has come before the horse.

Answer 3

NEVER. There are NO circumstances under which it is morally legitimate. NONE.

If you feel the need to cheat, then you should not be married. It is as simple as that. If your spouse is not providing for you, or you are unhappy or unsatisfied, then the mature and adult thing to do is to talk to them, get some counseling, and work it out. If you can't, then a divorce is in order. Cheating is the lame, weak, and cowardly way of dealing with marital problems. If you cheat, you don't deserve to have a permanent, loving relationship. Period.

Answer 4

If both he and his wife/wives believe in polygamy.

I'm reading a book that doesn't justify affairs, but I kind of see their point. It says men are wired to have a strong sexual drive and if the wife isn't tuned into them and willing to have sex when the husband wants it, then the man is more inclined to be tempted elsewhere. Men and women are wired differently and men see intimacy as having sex, whereas women feel most intimate when talking. So both parties have to be willing to show intimacy in both ways. Going back to your question, it's never legitimate morally (unless polygamists) but there are times where it's a little more understandable. If the wife shows her husband unconditional love and has sex with him as often as he wants but he still want more from other sources, then this man is just pure scum and should seek help.

Answer 5

It is not legimate...HOWEVER....
It always takes TWO for a marriage to work.

In working with couples, we have found that it is overlooked that the one who remained faithful is at just as much fault as the one who became unfaithful.

In otherwords, there is a reason that one would be unfaithful, and in most cases where both spouses actually love each other, it is because the faithful one did not meet the needs of the other spouse. So..... while it may be that there is "no legitimacy" for messing up, there is also "no legitimacy" for not being meeting the needs of your spouse.

That's why we advocate immediate reconciliation and working through unfaithfulness to see how BOTH parties have contributed, and how both can heal the marriage.

http://www.housefellowship.org
http://www.splashdesignworks.com

Answer 6

It depends on the extend of the extra marital affairs. If it a simple friendship with other females other then one's wife & were the factor of sexual relationship doesn't exist then such friendship is perfectly fine & legitimate both morally & socialy, one may call it a affair or friendship it hardly matters. Now coming to the relationship where a man extends his mere friendship to sexual relationship with other woman then as it effects/infringes the legal right of his wife to only enjoy such a relationship with him (with the exception of Muslims where keeping four wives is considered legally valid according to their personal Sharit law) it becomes legally as well morally wrong. The act amounts to adultery on the basis of which the wife gets a valid ground for her to get decree of divorce against such adulterous husband. Now come a third situation which another member has also pointed out, where the wife herself allows her husband to indulge in such sexual relationship for certain reasons which may be medical or otherwise then in such a case the wife forgo her legal right & is giving her free consent to her husband to indulge in such relationship, since the marriage is a legal relationship between husband & wife & no outsider is allowed to interfere in their relationship if both agree for such extra marital sexual relationship no one can say anything if this is carried out in close doors & not in public view thus not creating any public nuisance. The social morality has seen a drastic change in recent times, the relationships such as these which were taboo once are being considered normal by few couples. The couple sharing or threesome sexual relationship amongst the couples is being practiced & there is no denial for all these. On a larger scale all such sexual relationship are still considered socially immoral but few keep aside the social norms & indulge in such relationship. When asked why so, the reply is ‘it’s our life & we'll enjoy as we wish, why other bother & interfere in this sort of relationship’. Personally I don't adhere to such extra marital sexual relationship unless it is extremely required because of some physical/medical disability in the wife & if she herself gives her free consent for this.

Answer 7

Never. It shows how bad character of the man doing so is. In Islam each such affair is punished by 100 lashes for both man & woman even done voluntarily.
In India many beautiful girls are appointed by private industries for winning contracts through sex & many of them are young marrid women too. the exploiters are married men too.
In Indian navy, girls are provided to many naval officers posted at far off places on ships as temporary wives. In Surat, Gujarat too this facility exists where a bif cabin of such young ladies are there.
in Kashmir, CRPF , BSF & other military forces have been provided such facilities as their bosses told them to exploit locals even by forse. Rajasthan Rifles, Rashtriya Rifles & Maratha forces are more notorious for this. If armymen come to know that in some family any young girl is there & the man is out of city, they never spare & rape the girls many times. this has been reported even by journal 'Frontline'. I was told by locals in Kashmir & Iknow persons so affected. Special secret govt. orders have been issued in 1991 (still not revoked) to Indian army to do so against Muslims there who constitute 98% population. Those so called secret orders were later published in Asiaweek & other journals. The armymen have to follow though some don't want to do.

Answer 8

Yeah...well there IS another instance...if the man has BEGGED his wife for a divorce for years...there is NO love between them, no communication, haven't been in same room for years and he wants despirately to move on but she refuses and - in fact - threatens him if he thinks of divorce (though she also has nothing to do with him...she just wants to keep on her life living in his house, paying no rent, having full privacy and bossing everyone around threatening to throw his sweet mom in jail if he even thinks of divorcing her...)...then what to do? I live that situation...we want a life together but she's determined he has a ruined life...so - in that case, I'm not sure what they have can be called a marriage in any other way than on paper and, in India, it seems the laws favor the woman and she can even threaten to do horrible things when he is innocent (well, of course he's not perfect but...he hasn't done the things she's accused him of)...anyway...I think you can't make overall judements, personally. Cheating is one thing...trying to move on with your life may be something else...

Answer 9

... if his wife encourages him to have a girl friend... and gives him permission to have sex with another woman.
I don´t think, that it happens very often, but I have seen 1 case a lots of years ago when I studied in USA, it was the neighbours of a friend.
The wife was ill and couldn´t maintain any sexual contacts with her husband. The husband was not one of these guys, who gave a damn for his ill woman, so he refused to leave her (although his family was pushing him very hard to get a divorce).
She said, please find a woman who makes you happy... it will make me happy to see that you are happy...
I stood there with my mouth open, but it´s true. He found a woman and she moved in with the couple.
Last thing I knew is that the lady finally passed away and the widow married the girlfriend.
Good or bad? Hell, I don´t know. I surely wouldn´t like to judge this.
Would I agree to something like that...??? ... No... **sorry** It is too queer for me...

Answer 10

well it depends...if the wife is no longer with the man and neither divorcing, ie basically harassing him then in that case I do think ny thing wrng with an xtra marital affair