My husband is from a communist country (escaped) and anytime someone gets sick (e.g.family member) he expresses disapproval. He says things like "you must do more vigorous exercise. I'm worse than you and look I'm working. He has admitted that he does not tolerate weakness and is a man who goes to work "even if he is dying!" What is it about a person that causes them to have this attitude?
I long for some tenderness and understanding. Is it too much to ask for some sympathy and consideration from the person you live with? e.g. an offer to help you, cook you some food or just ask you are you feeling better?
I often "minister" to people who are in some sort of need but he does not see that they actually have any need and should be doing "this or that"! He seems to think people are lazy and basically need to help themselves.
Generally, he is quite critical and is obsessed with gets angry about the lifestyle and beliefs of certain people groups, also e.g.people who smoke.
2007-08-09 00:56:41 · 8 answers · asked by Marceau 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
European, probably Russian, German or Polish right? It's an attitude bread in to them and in those countries you cannot have the pleasure of weakness or a leisure attitude. Surely you noticed this before you married him? We have a stronger "Mentor" than he, kinder, loving and always there.
2007-08-09 01:04:08 · answer #1 · answered by Conrey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Presumably U took him for better or for worse? However, that said, in marriages of different cultures invariably a lot of adjustment is necessary. As your man comes from a former eastern bloc country, there's also the hardship and remembrance of the bitter legacy and its former regime he and many others had to grow up in. Its left its mark and unfortunately it will remain with him!
Maybe a short time apart may help U both to adjust / understand and put it all in perspective. Conversely, I'm not a marriage guidance councillor and I suggest U talk to someone who is and, more to the point, has dealt with this situation in the past and thus adequately understands the physiological impacts.
I had a very dear friend who suffered the same agonies! She loved her man, very deeply, and suffered greatly before being lost in a tragic road accident. Her husband took her loss very hard and blamed himself, which unfortunately was the general consensus of opinion by almost everyone who knew him. He just faded out of our circle and was never seen again!
Two lives ruined. When its your dearest friends, almost part of your family - it hurts to witness such events - to those who mean so much
I wish you well and every success
.
2007-08-09 08:27:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is a very judgemental(condemning) person. His attitude is unhealthy because he expects too much of himself and others.
Most husbands (and men in gereral) think that women complain too much about every little ache and pain... I did.
My wife kept telling me every day how bad she felt and at first I was sympathic. But after months of endless complaints, I told her I was not a Doctor and could not help her. Either get a physical check-up or shut up. She went to a doctor, $2300 later the Doctor could find nothing wrong. She went to another Doctor...$3500...still nothing physically wrong.
Women usually outlive men, and men have a hard time understanding why women feel "sick", yet live longer. It's not that we don't care or feel sympathy, we just feel helpless. So we try to ignore the complaints and hope they will go away.
2007-08-09 08:19:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he believes that being sick is a sign of weakness. And caring for someone who is sick is catering to that weakness. It's not a healthy attitude but that would be my guess as to why he acts the way he does...
2007-08-09 08:01:52 · answer #4 · answered by mrskerlin 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It would be diffulcult to change the way your husband believes because he was raised this way in his culture. all you can do is try and understand this and enlarge your circle of friends who can fill in the blank spots in your marriage. If your husband will agree to counseling that would help. If he does not want to go, go your self. Continue to help others for in doing so it will help you
2007-08-09 10:15:40 · answer #5 · answered by tony r 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is sick..mentally. because he is afraid of failure, having fragile ego and esteem thus put out an external 'never fail' face in front of others.
my advice - tell him this, no one is god and human is human tend to fall sick...life is short thus we should more caring to everyone.
if he dun listen, ignore him. next time he fall sick, treat him how he treat you.. tell him this ' why you still lie in bed? you weakly, get your ass out of bed and go to work!!!!'
2007-08-09 08:17:31 · answer #6 · answered by wishingforpeace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this had to be evident when you got to know him why would you marry him? i hope you dont have kids was it an arranged marriage?
2007-08-09 08:54:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am wondering why you married him, actually.
2007-08-09 08:09:26 · answer #8 · answered by kent_shakespear 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋