Do your children argue with you?

Question

and to make your point lucid to them.. have you ever asked the same question on Y!A in an effort to demonstrate to your child that the vast majority of responses show that the child should adjust its take on things?

Answer 1

I'm a child--well an adolescent. and i do argue w/ my parents...but it's not because i'm a rebel..actually children argue not because we're rebles or something. i would like to answer your question, if you may, so that i can give another perspective, if that's okay. :) i'm a psychology student, and i learned from our developmental psychology class that sometimes children, especially adolescents have too much idealism and criticalness. they have this ideal world, and see the real world, which is not a par w/ their ideal world. they believe that adults are responsible for this real world, so this would lead them to convince themselves that they know better than adults. also, adolelscents frequently partake in arguments..this is called argumentativeness and it is seen when adolescents are constantly looking for opportunities to ty out and show-off their new formal reasoning abilities. These are just 2 of the six manifestations of immature adolescent thoughts said by David Elkind. of course one reason can also be a generation gap...this actually affects familial relationships more than what we account it for. kids, especially adolescents feel that they aren't being understood by their parents because the values of the times now is different from their parents..anyway, i guess for all parents w/ adolescents, it's actually normal to have arguments during this stage because well first, the strains of puberty may be the cause (given all the hormonal stuff and all), plus adolescents also feel the need to express their autonomy. and these arguments would progress more in midadolescence to late adolescence as teens would try their own way in life...of course this would pass, once they become well-adjusted and i guess more mature. so there are actually many many aspects that's involved in this...and that how a child should adjust to things can't really be 100% controlled by the adolescent given the changes and new life experiences that they have. of course this is assessing that your children are adolescents. :) i do not wish to argue (lke what is typical of my age group), i just wanted to share these pieces of information. i guess it shows that parents, even though their children seem to be getting older, actually have a lot more shaping to do...and i'm sorry about that. but adolescence really is full of pressures...according to erikson it is a critical stage for self-identity. perhaps arguing with them isn't the best method, but you can try cognitive restructuring. that is, challenge their beliefs--but not by arguing, rather use their own reasoning and start to question it one by one. adolescents, especially those from the early to middle ones are also characterized by hypocrisy--they have all these ideals, yet it would not hold because they don't really believe in it wholly. like one time, my teacher in cognitive psychology told us about this patient she had--a teenager, who thinks that he does not have any goals...she first asked the guy why he thought that--and then he said that he just does not care. then she started asking the guy if he dressed up that morning, and it all came down to the patient himself saying that he, himself, willed himself to go to the psychologist. with that she asked--and then you still don't think you have goals? or something like that. ^_^

Answer 2

Not so much. My children usually argue for a few minutes if it's something they really want. (ages 9 - 11) There are some things they can sway me on and others they can't. If they can argue a good point, I'll consider it. If they whine, it's an automatic no. And they both know what isn't up for negotiation and what is.

Kids need to feel they can have control of their lives on some level but need to realize that parents have the ultimate authority - or veto power. Wherever possible, I let the kids make up their own mind and just help them think it through so they're ready for any consequences that may happen. I have NEVER felt the need to justify my response to my kids based on what is the popular majority. Like the quote: just because something's popular doesn't make it right.

Answer 3

My children argue with me all the time. But I do not ever ask the questions on Y!A. Why? Because it doesn't matter how valid your point may be, or what others around the world may have to say about it, your children would never believe that you or anyone else knows what they are thinking or going through. They like all other kids I have ever known have to find out things the hard way and their own way. The only answer that I have for our children and the way they act towards us is something my mother told me a few years ago; You don't earn your childrens respect, you demand it. Our children should not argue with us.

Answer 4

My 13-year-old daughter does argue with me every now and then but i think that is just normal for two human beings who may share the same genes but nevertheless have different personalities. No cause of worry unless her arguments tend to the antisocial or self-harming direction. She has a mind of her own which she must use. I will worry more if she simply keeps agreeing with me on everything. How will she survive in the outside world if she cannot think on her own? Yet some things are non debatable, of course, such as doing the homework and following family rules on safety. Ultimately, the goal is to see to it that she grows up to be a rational, sensible person who can be responsible for her decisions.

Answer 5

All children argue. It is what humans do. You don't need to ask other people if you are right. Just let them get it out of their system and move on. I only stop my kids (18&14) when they are disrespectful.

Answer 6

My children are grown but I am close to my grandchildren and I use the same method with them as I did with my children. You may respectfully discuss something I've asked of you or told you but you may not argue!! Parents need to be consistent and fair but children need to be obedient!!

Answer 7

yes but only to a certain point but i think thats good in the way that they have a mind of their own and wont just believe everything they hear

Answer 8

That my children argur, it did happen. It happened a lot.
But I wasn't a member in Y!A then, alas!

Answer 9

yes they never stop but that cuz they are teens